Ex A is now demanding an apology.....
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Duped is your mediation soon?
Mediation was a blessing. For me it made NC much easier because it is all set out and if things are not done the way they are supposed to be done--well she won't be the one you have to talk to and you will not be the one she is supposed to talk to. They are also trained and can hear the quacking as much as you can.
Cut yourself a little slack on the pictures--that was truly a nasty way to get you to respond because nothing else was working. I'm not sure I would even respond thanks (except quietly to myself because I now had pictures of my child).
Mediation was a blessing. For me it made NC much easier because it is all set out and if things are not done the way they are supposed to be done--well she won't be the one you have to talk to and you will not be the one she is supposed to talk to. They are also trained and can hear the quacking as much as you can.
Cut yourself a little slack on the pictures--that was truly a nasty way to get you to respond because nothing else was working. I'm not sure I would even respond thanks (except quietly to myself because I now had pictures of my child).
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
It's not really "no contact" if you're still reading those emails, is it? 
I remember how difficult it was to go no contact with my ex when we still had a business to run/finish up. Because he would always sneak in those pesky one-liners or add a p.s. that had nothing to do with the matter in hand. He only stopped when I told him that I would respond to business emails only and that if there was anything else in the emails, they would be deleted without action or response. And did exactly that. Why I put myself through months of turmoil, I don't know. It was so easy just to hit delete as soon as I saw the offending text and "poof", it was gone. I didn't even need to read more than a few words.
Good luck. It's tough, I know. Especially with little ones involved.
I remember how difficult it was to go no contact with my ex when we still had a business to run/finish up. Because he would always sneak in those pesky one-liners or add a p.s. that had nothing to do with the matter in hand. He only stopped when I told him that I would respond to business emails only and that if there was anything else in the emails, they would be deleted without action or response. And did exactly that. Why I put myself through months of turmoil, I don't know. It was so easy just to hit delete as soon as I saw the offending text and "poof", it was gone. I didn't even need to read more than a few words.
Good luck. It's tough, I know. Especially with little ones involved.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by Wife2Kids 
Duped is your mediation soon?
Mediation was a blessing. For me it made NC much easier because it is all set out and if things are not done the way they are supposed to be done--well she won't be the one you have to talk to and you will not be the one she is supposed to talk to. They are also trained and can hear the quacking as much as you can.
Cut yourself a little slack on the pictures--that was truly a nasty way to get you to respond because nothing else was working. I'm not sure I would even respond thanks (except quietly to myself because I now had pictures of my child).
Mediation was a blessing. For me it made NC much easier because it is all set out and if things are not done the way they are supposed to be done--well she won't be the one you have to talk to and you will not be the one she is supposed to talk to. They are also trained and can hear the quacking as much as you can.
Cut yourself a little slack on the pictures--that was truly a nasty way to get you to respond because nothing else was working. I'm not sure I would even respond thanks (except quietly to myself because I now had pictures of my child).
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by Bolina
It's not really "no contact" if you're still reading those emails, is it?
I remember how difficult it was to go no contact with my ex when we still had a business to run/finish up. Because he would always sneak in those pesky one-liners or add a p.s. that had nothing to do with the matter in hand. He only stopped when I told him that I would respond to business emails only and that if there was anything else in the emails, they would be deleted without action or response. And did exactly that. Why I put myself through months of turmoil, I don't know. It was so easy just to hit delete as soon as I saw the offending text and "poof", it was gone. I didn't even need to read more than a few words.
Good luck. It's tough, I know. Especially with little ones involved.
I remember how difficult it was to go no contact with my ex when we still had a business to run/finish up. Because he would always sneak in those pesky one-liners or add a p.s. that had nothing to do with the matter in hand. He only stopped when I told him that I would respond to business emails only and that if there was anything else in the emails, they would be deleted without action or response. And did exactly that. Why I put myself through months of turmoil, I don't know. It was so easy just to hit delete as soon as I saw the offending text and "poof", it was gone. I didn't even need to read more than a few words.
Good luck. It's tough, I know. Especially with little ones involved.
She is a perennial victim and plays the role to a 'T'.
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
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An active addict's sole meaningful relationship is with their DOC. Everything else quack quack... is designed to feed the beast by any means possible. Right on with the quack quack call.... Too bad a child is involved or going no contact would be easier. Be strong and take care of yourself...
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Thank you all very much. Had quite bad anxiety last night. Part of the problem is my sister and I had been looking into the date of when my daughter was born etc. (we have had our suspicions because my ex A's mother thought the date was a week earlier than it was supposed to be at the time, whilst we didn't think anything of it and given my ex A's behaviour of pushing away my family and me......well) My daughter is still only young but we see very little of our side in her.
Paternity test?
Given the dates, conception would have taken place on the week after I believed it did......when my ex A went missing for two nights and never called.
Paternity test?
Given the dates, conception would have taken place on the week after I believed it did......when my ex A went missing for two nights and never called.
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Originally Posted by tpen
I cannot imagine that thought. Stay strong Duped. This is seeing things more clearly and more may be discovered. Don't press too hard, let it be shown to you.
The only upside would be if she isn't, then I could walk away from a horrific situation forever, and begin a new life.
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Duped...please remember that a woman's Estimated Due Date is not an accurate measure, because of the wild fluctuations in a woman's menstrual and ovulation cycle. My DD was to be born on June 30th and she appeared on July 12th...the same can happen in reverse.
Do a paternity test if that makes you feel better...but would you truly walk away from this child? Does she know you? Does she have a bond with you?
Do a paternity test if that makes you feel better...but would you truly walk away from this child? Does she know you? Does she have a bond with you?
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Originally Posted by nodaybut2day
Duped...please remember that a woman's Estimated Due Date is not an accurate measure, because of the wild fluctuations in a woman's menstrual and ovulation cycle. My DD was to be born on June 30th and she appeared on July 12th...the same can happen in reverse.
Do a paternity test if that makes you feel better...but would you truly walk away from this child? Does she know you? Does she have a bond with you?
Do a paternity test if that makes you feel better...but would you truly walk away from this child? Does she know you? Does she have a bond with you?
It's more the strange behaviour on her part really, I mean, telling people all kinds of dates....like she's trying to hide something. Plus resisting having a relationship with any of the women in my family, who are all wonderful, successful and strong women......maybe that's the reason - she's threatened by them. Strong women like my mother and sister diminish her power.
I don't know, I would be torn, that's for sure, she has as much of a bond as possible given how little I have been able to see her.
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I'm just thinking that somewhere down the road, this child may want a relationship with you. Heck, considering who her mother is, she may NEED a relationship with a good father figure. You are already her father, whether it is biological or not, and you are a good person. I dunno,...maybe this tugs at my heart strings because my DD's father is such a mess, but what killed me during the first year of DD's life is that he was so uninterested in getting to know her or develop a bond with her.
I know how tempting it is to pull away for the sake of your own sanity, but the child deserves whatever love and sense of normalcy you are able to give her, considering the circumstances.
Anyhow, this seems WAY off topic from the thread so I'll shut up now
I know how tempting it is to pull away for the sake of your own sanity, but the child deserves whatever love and sense of normalcy you are able to give her, considering the circumstances.
Anyhow, this seems WAY off topic from the thread so I'll shut up now
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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hey duped=-
i'll echo anvil's sound advice...let's review what no contact means...it means no contact!
don't drive yourself daft!
i'm sorry she is manipulating you with pics of the wee one...block her on your email account! unless you want more of the same.
naive
i'll echo anvil's sound advice...let's review what no contact means...it means no contact!
don't drive yourself daft!
i'm sorry she is manipulating you with pics of the wee one...block her on your email account! unless you want more of the same.
naive
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Originally Posted by Duped
Thank you all very much. Had quite bad anxiety last night. Part of the problem is my sister and I had been looking into the date of when my daughter was born etc. (we have had our suspicions because my ex A's mother thought the date was a week earlier than it was supposed to be at the time, whilst we didn't think anything of it and given my ex A's behaviour of pushing away my family and me......well) My daughter is still only young but we see very little of our side in her.
Paternity test?
Given the dates, conception would have taken place on the week after I believed it did......when my ex A went missing for two nights and never called.
Paternity test?
Given the dates, conception would have taken place on the week after I believed it did......when my ex A went missing for two nights and never called.
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Posts: 394
And you know, it's sad, because her mother has so many good qualities, so much going for her - too much in fact. Looks, smarts, enterprising, articulate. Grew up in a well to do family.....but perhaps that was the problem - with that came an overblown sense of entitlement.
She had every opportunity and was priviledged, and yet wasted it. No education, no work history, no career, lost everything. Perhaps that's where she and I differ, I had to struggle for everything that I have on my own. Polar opposites.
It's hard too, because she doesn't drink all the time, but when she does......oh nelly.
She had every opportunity and was priviledged, and yet wasted it. No education, no work history, no career, lost everything. Perhaps that's where she and I differ, I had to struggle for everything that I have on my own. Polar opposites.
It's hard too, because she doesn't drink all the time, but when she does......oh nelly.
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Originally Posted by dgillz
Depending on where you live, if you are on the birth certificate as the father the outcome of the paternity test is irrelevant, you are on the hook for child support regardless.
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Originally Posted by dgillz
Depending on where you live, if you are on the birth certificate as the father the outcome of the paternity test is irrelevant, you are on the hook for child support regardless.
Originally Posted by Duped
She's 2
It is a shame when people can't get their act together. Continue to be strong in your recovery and I hope the mediation brings some things to a close so you can get on with your life and your daughter without feeling like you are walking on egg shells. Hang in there.
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