sahmto4

11 days. I am proud of him but am weary of what is yet to come. He has had a talk with all 4 of our children and let them know that he has done some very bad things that can not be taken back, that he is an alcoholic, that beer makes him do things he is very embarrassed about.

I have read Al-Anon One Day at a Time and Codependent No More. I have not yet made it to a meeting, but not ruling out going either. I feel the Codependent No More was directed right at me, which I am sure a lot of people feel. So much head nodding while reading it. I am also a daughter of a RA dad. I haven't spoken with him in years. I just cut him out of my life even after he had been sober for quite some time. I just had no reason to talk to him.

I've tried to stay calm and not yell at the kids this week. I used to be so very patient and live by the motto "kids will be kids" and I never yelled. One day I found myself yelling and it's been that way ever since. I've never meant to yell at them. I've been angry and hurt for so long, I took it out on the little joys in my life. I hope and pray that they will forgive me for acting like their A father. I don't like to be mean, get angry, yell. I will continue to work on this.

I'm not sure what is to come with AH. He says he is seeing things much clearer this time as opposed to last time he went a week or longer sober. He has been to his dads and brothers (who are both A's) without drinking but watching them drink. He has been to one AA meeting and he said he wanted to walk out but decided to stay!

I went out on Saturday with my sister and her fiance and I had a great time. I was their DD. While it would have been fun to drink with them, I wanted to go home sober! I do this occasionally when I go out. Just decide that drinking isn't always that fun. Most of the time it just causes undeserved drama.

AH is taking our boys to a baseball game tomorrow and 2 weeks ago he said he was excited to have a beer at an outside game...his first outside game as opposed to a dome. Now he says he isn't even thinking about having a beer, instead it's about how much fun the boys have.

I really hope this is it. But my boundaries are set. No drinking in our home, I will not be beat down with words, I will not watch him throw another fit of violence and break or smash something, I will not be around him if he decides to drink, I will not allow the kids to be around him if he decides to drink, and if by chance he does drink and he gets drunk, the kids and I will be moving out.

Sorry for the length! I haven't posted in a few days. Reading and kids consumed me!