3 months since we split and I'm so mixed up
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 126
3 months since we split and I'm so mixed up
For one thing I can't believe it's been 3 months since I told AH that I want a divorce. The only other separation was 2 years ago, and I was back in 4 days.
Now that some of my anger has settled down, I'm starting to grieve, and I doubt sometimes that I'm doing the right thing. I still love him so much! I find myself wondering if I should have gone for a separation first instead of straight to divorce. I'm such a mess.
Now that some of my anger has settled down, I'm starting to grieve, and I doubt sometimes that I'm doing the right thing. I still love him so much! I find myself wondering if I should have gone for a separation first instead of straight to divorce. I'm such a mess.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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When I was contemplating the divorce vs. separation question, I consulted with an attorney. Turns out, the only real legal difference is that after divorce, you can remarry. After separation, you cannot. So, since I have no interest in getting married again, it really made no difference one way or another. Except that, if I should decide one day to remarry, I would have to go through the courts again in order to get a divorce.
Either way, there is nothing to prevent you from reconciling with him at some point in the future if he decides to get his act together and get sober, right?
So, instead of looking back, try looking ahead. You and your children are free from the chains of living with an alcoholic. How great is that?
L
Either way, there is nothing to prevent you from reconciling with him at some point in the future if he decides to get his act together and get sober, right?
So, instead of looking back, try looking ahead. You and your children are free from the chains of living with an alcoholic. How great is that?
L
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
i'm sorry you're so sad. i understand, and empathize.
things don't have to be forever. what i'm hoping for, for myself, is that i continue to grow and one day i will reach a point where i not only need my addict to be away, but that i am glad that he is, and glad for that decision.
:ghug3
things don't have to be forever. what i'm hoping for, for myself, is that i continue to grow and one day i will reach a point where i not only need my addict to be away, but that i am glad that he is, and glad for that decision.
:ghug3
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
coffee I am getting those feelings more often lately and they are WONDERFUL. They will come at the right time...
SBH Its easy to wonder and worry about things we "could have done"... there are no "could haves". Today... now.. is the only thing we got. Its a tough one for me but when I forgive myself for being human I feel compassion, comfort; and when I work on having faith that "everything is going on exactly as it should for the Greater good" I feel much peace.
Also, even if you had asked one thing or the other
He is still alcoholic
He still has a chronic disease
He still has a progressive disease
He still hurt you a great deal
You still couldn't change a bit of his life
You still wouldn't be able to control his acts or drinking
You still wouldn't be able to cure him in any way.
SBH Its easy to wonder and worry about things we "could have done"... there are no "could haves". Today... now.. is the only thing we got. Its a tough one for me but when I forgive myself for being human I feel compassion, comfort; and when I work on having faith that "everything is going on exactly as it should for the Greater good" I feel much peace.
Also, even if you had asked one thing or the other
He is still alcoholic
He still has a chronic disease
He still has a progressive disease
He still hurt you a great deal
You still couldn't change a bit of his life
You still wouldn't be able to control his acts or drinking
You still wouldn't be able to cure him in any way.
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