kia

just fe1t i had to voice some worries and who e1se can i to rea11y we11 to start with the new fe11a is ringing a1arm be11s or is it just me been too sensitive to 1iars i dunno he to1d me other night in his past he was invo1ved with a paedophi1e over 20 years ago and that it had nothing to do with him was the other guy but he was dragged into it by this guy and at the time the po1ice tried to get him to confess to something he hadnt done says he didnt do anything and now i dunno what to be1ieve is there more or was it an innocent acquaintanice as he says and im having thoughts about the ex i just cant get him out my head and i know i wi11 never fee1 about this guy how i did about him theres a big gaping ho1e right there i fee1 something but its an emptt fee1ing if that makes sense and i just dont trust him either a woman on fb had a rea1 go at me saying im nothing to him and that shes known him years yet he says he hard1y knows her and i just dont trust hes to1d me everything why wou1d a woman say those things i just dont know is this just me been too sensitive and hes hinted at moving here when ive a1ready said im happier dating and nothing more than that right now he even remarked on parting i never 1ooked back we11 thats cos i just didnt even think to as soon as parted where as with the ex i did every time i think ive shut myse1f off to stop me been hurt again i think ive taken as much as i can take whats everyone e1se think xxx

Pelican

Kia,
Why are you afraid of being just Kia - mother, daughter, sister, friend? Why do you need to be Kia - girlfriend of ________?

The new guy has a history as a pedophile? RUN!!!!!!

kia

spoke with him 1ast night says he met this guy whos the one with the history years ago and when the troub1e came out he was roped in with him hmmm yeh i know ive got doubts too but ive a1ways been sort of person who gives benefit of the doubt i do think your right theres part of me that just wants some peace but i do 1ike the attention too does that make sense and i dont wanna hurt him by finishing it cos 1ast time i tried he cried so i just cant do that yet just keep te11ing him to keep the brakes on as i do know i dont fee1 as strong about him as he does for me is it bad to go on dates but not committ to it cos sure1y its 1ess hurtfu1 to him than finishing it a11 together but then i suppose it wi11 hurt more if i had to finish 1ater down the 1ine i just dont know what to do right now minds a11 over the p1ace

bookwyrm

Kia sweetie, this man is a grown up. He is responsible for his own feelings, just like you are responsible for yours. Please, worry more about your feelings and emotional health than someone else's! He's guilting you, lieing to you and emotionally manipulating you to stay with him, he's pushing you to move faster than you want. All these are red flags! Give yourself the benifit of the doubt and protect yourself from potential harm. You do deserve better.

heavenlyone

RUN, RUN, RUN

You don't want this kind of relationship again do you??

JoeVet

Men cry in front of women for one reason. We know it cripples them. This is not an honest way to start a relationship. If you are already this conflicted, what is it going to be like after he knows you are emotionally hooked? Re-evaluate this one. Never rush on their account. You are your first priority. Believe it or not but most men prefer strong women that put themselves first. We are masochistic like that.

Pelican

I don't think I understand.

Was your friend charged by law enforcement along with the pedophile?
If he was, what were the charges?
If he was falsely accused, were the charges dropped?

How does the legal system view your friend? Guilty or innocent?

kia

no he te11s me he wasnt charged but was interviewed by the po1ice about his invo1vement with this guy i think they wanted him to spi11 the beans about this guy but he te11s me he knew nothing about what he had been up to to be honest it a11 seems a bit suspect to me but is that cos im too suspicious now as the ex used to 1ie to me a11 the time some i be1ieved most i didnt a11 i can go on is what he to1d me which in a way i wish he hadnt done cos its made me not trust him xx

Freedom1990

When we come out of a relationship and/or marriage to an active alcoholic, we are damaged.

That damage doesn't magically go away, regardless of how much we'd like it to.

Lord knows I spent 13 miserable years in and out of painful dysfunctional relationships after I left the EXAH because I didn't address my codependency issues.

My man-picker was broken because I was broken.

I'll be so bold as to say if you don't find some source of recovery for yourself, counseling, Alanon, whatever, you too will repeat the same mistake over and over.

That's my personal experience.