need some courage and stepson issues help!
 

Ahh, why do I keep telling Afiance that he needs to get his butt to treatment?!?!Maybe I feel I want that "break" from him. Well, he does need to go to get his license back...but, he's been without one for 5 years now..he's on his 4th DUI.

I don't understand why I keep arguing with him that he needs to go, I think I just want him to LEAVE me, but I am scared. I think change is scary and I am just heartbroken for my kids.

We had an argument this morning, I said, I am DONE driving you! and I told him I feel like I have another kid!Luckily he works right in town here, so he can walk or get a ride... He goes on saying well there are alot of things I do for you. Then I am like you are manipulating me right there, by trying to make me feel GULITY for having to drvie you places...He says, Oh but I am the one that supports the gas that goes into the car.


Then he says, "I have been sober 3 months..this is what you wanted! and you are still acting mean to me and you never have anything nice to say, your always putting me down to make yourself feel better." I swear we have this argument daily, that he has been a better person and getting things done and helping out etc etc..He says I need to just move on like he is doing and forget the past stuff.

I just don't know what to do...I need advice! He says he will find a place to live if I want him to leave...then he can't make that decision so he asks me to make it for him..Im just like well you gotta do what you need to do. I don't knoww?! I want him to go, but then I am scared.

Then, I have another frustration-not alcohol related- my stepson (well not excatly since were not married) he is only 5, his mom is, I guess not a good mom if you ask me.. well we had an incident 5 months ago where he was trying to kiss my 3 year old's privates. This added to me asking a couple simple quesitons and turns out his 12 year old brother was touching him innapropriate.

I confronted his mom, she denyed it all and she asked his brother denied it and I think they threatened my SS...Because after that had happened and after I had already told his mom.. I called CPS and they found nothing.

This is an every other weekend issue- the constantly watching anyone who goes into the bathroom-he will open the door, he was spying on me changing my clothes, he asked my 3 yr old daughter to kiss him on his lips or kiss his butt...I just don't know what to do? My Afinace won't do anything, he hasn't caught any of it so he probably thinks I am lying. He got mad when I called CPS behind his back.

What do I do? this isn't normal is it? I know kids are curious but, this seems like red flags.

I'm willing to do anything to protect my kids and I want my SS to get help-but I am not his parent.

Ugh...help sorry I am just venting away and the whole SS situation isn't about alcoholism sorry.

I apologize if this sounds rude, but if you have reason to believe your child is being molested, it is your duty as a mother to get him out of that environment. Fear of the unknown be damned! You said you were willing to do anything to protect your children, and if that is true, then get them and yourself out of there.

Thanks, no it doesn't sound rude at all. Your refering to my stepson right? I just have no choice since I am not his real mother! I can't do anything, he lives with his mom and visits everyother weekend at our place, and my Afinace is not believing that we need to do anything as it will "stir the pot" so to speak.

I am going to talk with his school counselor on Monday...

I agree with suki44883's post.
Don't leave your kids alone with any of them and move immed. or have him leave immed.in order 2 provide a
safe + sane + peaceful place for your kids. Listen to your gut, intuition and act.
You are thinking that his kid's mother is not the best, but yet you putting your own kids in harm's way. Take charge of this.

" I think change is scary and I am just heartbroken for my kids"

Fear of change is not a reason to stay in this relationship, if it is not healthy for you and your kids. They need to be the priority.

Thanks, no it doesn't sound rude at all. Your refering to my stepson right? I just have no choice since I am not his real mother! I can't do anything, he lives with his mom and visits everyother weekend at our place, and my Afinace is not believing that we need to do anything as it will "stir the pot" so to speak.

Who cares what your Afiance says??? Yes, you most certainly CAN do something about it. This is your child we are talking about!! Is not stirring the pot worth protecting your child??? I'm sorry, but this is infuriating to me!

Scared of what? Things are bad now. Getting some space can only bring you some peace so you can think clearly. You can stand up for yourself and ask him to leave. You have the right and ability to do that even though he has quit drinking for right now.

Those things you mentioned with your step son are all huge red flags. The fact that your A is blowing it off is a red flag. I urge you to not leave your children alone with your step son or his family. Is your A the father of your children? If not, please don't leave them alone with him either. Maybe even if he is. I don't mean to offend. He blew it off though, and that is a red flag in my book. :hug:

I'm sorry for all you have to think about and deal with right now.

I started this post out trying to be gentle and kind, but my feelings of wanting to protect an innocent and vulnerable little girl took over. Please know that my concern is first and foremost, for her.

I too urge you to make the choice to protect your own child. 5-year-olds DO NOT touch another child's private area because they are curious. And he has not displayed behaviors only once. The stepson needs to have his abuse investigated, and needs therapy. I know you tried, but please try again.

You can do something with your child. How will you be able to live with yourself, knowing that something serious may happen, that will affect your daughter profoundly - and how will you feel that she will oneday know that you took care of yourself over taking care of her?

You said twice in the original post, that you just want this man to leave. Yet when he asked if you wanted him to leave - make the call - you chicken out. Please don't let fear rule your life! We're ALL afraid. It's not a reason to not take action.

Put a plan together, do not let your daughter be with anyone that you don't COMPLETELY trust, and get your head out of your a**.

Thank you, I appreciate you guys giving me honest answers and being blunt because to me this IS a HUGE issue and it seems like everyone who I talk to, my A parents just blow it off and I just don't get it, this is happening to MY daughter and I DONT like it it should NOT being happening and me living in fear of things happening again. I am in tears here because these issues just can't be taken lightly. I am debating wheather to just go to the counsler, the county and maybe the police without sharing with his mom my concerns first.

Thank you, I think that is what I need space. I just bluntly told him (finace) that these thing will not be taken lightly and I am doing whatever it takes and I will be going to talk with people about this. He was silent. then he said well I haven;t seen this yet.

He is the father of my 2 little ones, then my stepson is 5...My stepson lives with his mom and then his other brother who is 12 doesn't belong to my fiance.

Sexual abuse is insideous and touchs many. If there is sexual abuse in a family it is not uncommon for all the family to protect other family members (and let it happen over and over to the children in the family), ignore it, deny it, look the other way, blow it off. It is just so huge. Please do not let your children be affected by this.

Keeping your two children safe is the #1 priority and then yes, I would report the issues regarding your step son to the authorities and let them handle it from there. Those behaviors are not normal or even close to it.

I would not let your children out of your sight right now. Not for 5 minutes. :hug:

ETA: And yes, IMO space is essential right now. You don't need to make permanent big decisions but space can happen right away and you need it for your own clarity regarding co-dependence and your af as well as to protect your children so you don't have that on your shoulders until things are figured out.