Need advice on my stbxah's visitation with kids
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 126
Need advice on my stbxah's visitation with kids
Hi all, I haven't been here in a while...I left him nearly 3 months ago (and am now back in the house with the kids while he is living elsewhere). We have a divorce in process and I keep asking for supervised visitation. I am completely ignorant when it comes to divorce and visitation. Apparantly the court (supreme in nys) doesn't have any system where they mandate any supervisor or social worker so it's up to us to work it out between us and figure out who will supervise.
At the moment he's going to an outpatient rehab program. Because of what I've witnessed with his binge drinking etc while we were together, I'm terrified of letting him have the kids by himself, especially overnight. How will I know if he falls off the wagon?
The kids are really young - 6,4 and 9 months.
Please give me any advice you have pertaining to any angle in this situation!!!
At the moment he's going to an outpatient rehab program. Because of what I've witnessed with his binge drinking etc while we were together, I'm terrified of letting him have the kids by himself, especially overnight. How will I know if he falls off the wagon?
The kids are really young - 6,4 and 9 months.
Please give me any advice you have pertaining to any angle in this situation!!!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I don't have any experience with supervised visitation.
I do have experience with divorce
and children.
The court has a standard visitation schedule that it puts into the divorce agreement. I went with the standard schedule. I do not, however, follow the standard schedule of visitation. I am flexible. If dad has a 3 day weekend and I have to work, my children would rather stay with the non-working parent. I don't force my children to visit their dad on a court ordered schedule. They visit when it is convenient for both parents. As they get older, the visits become less frequent (but mine stay for longer periods as they got older)
Ask your lawyer to put a clause into the divorce that prohibits the parent to have alcohol during visitation. It is in my most recent divorce for both parents (custodial parent and non-custodial parent) It is there to protect the children in case someone falls off the wagon. It will be up to me to determine if my ex has fallen off the wagon. It is easier to stop visitation with that clause in the final decree than to go back to court later because he is drinking.
One thing I have learned about shared parenting with an ex is this: Do not force the other parent to be an active part of the children's lives. The children don't benefit from forced attention. Besides - I love having them around!
I do have experience with divorce
and children.The court has a standard visitation schedule that it puts into the divorce agreement. I went with the standard schedule. I do not, however, follow the standard schedule of visitation. I am flexible. If dad has a 3 day weekend and I have to work, my children would rather stay with the non-working parent. I don't force my children to visit their dad on a court ordered schedule. They visit when it is convenient for both parents. As they get older, the visits become less frequent (but mine stay for longer periods as they got older)
Ask your lawyer to put a clause into the divorce that prohibits the parent to have alcohol during visitation. It is in my most recent divorce for both parents (custodial parent and non-custodial parent) It is there to protect the children in case someone falls off the wagon. It will be up to me to determine if my ex has fallen off the wagon. It is easier to stop visitation with that clause in the final decree than to go back to court later because he is drinking.
One thing I have learned about shared parenting with an ex is this: Do not force the other parent to be an active part of the children's lives. The children don't benefit from forced attention. Besides - I love having them around!
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