Guess I just need to vent...
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 69
Guess I just need to vent...
I have been on here everyday just reading posts, wanting to respond but not doing so because of the simple fact that this week, I have not been able to control my anger at all. I have no compassion, I feel like hope is lost again and I am having freak outs about everything.
For example, last night, I drove around for three stinking hours because apparently in CO, salmon is obsolete. WTF?! But I was set on having salmon for dinner and so I went driving to store after store after store... And the whole time I am so livid! I am cursing, I am huffing and puffing. And in my messed up head, all I could eat last night was salmon. I would not budge.
Then, after finding the salmon, I get home and my surround sound system, which also includes my DVD player as one whole unit, is done. Completely fried... Not a good time for that to happen. So the cursing begins again, the rage was SO unbearable and over something so stupid and materialistic?! Wow.
So I wake up this morning and my chest is on fire with a phlegmy cough and my throat hurts and I cannot get warm! UGH!!
I just feel really overwhelmed. XABF is texting me all this stuff, somehow found out I was going to Al-Anon and now he is so pissed about it, he will not leave me alone. I do not respond most of the time. I don't even let it get to me most of the time but last night I relapsed in the most horrible way.
I responded to everything. Not nicely either. I answered his call and instantly started yelling. I told him what a piece of sh*t he is and how the world does not revolve around him and I have my own crap to deal with and am not and refuse to help him deal with his crap.
I told him he is not God's gift to earth and is just a waste of fairly good oxygen.
I told him if he wanted to continue to be a drunk, irrational, ass hole to go right ahead because he is nothing but a loss cause anyways and I could care less if he kills himself. (
oops)
I told him that I hate him, that he makes me physically ill when I hear his voice and that I am going to do everything in my power to get him locked up on the 17th.
Then, when he tried to talk, I hung up the phone. I didn't answer his calls - which he called me back 5 times. He sent me a text saying "Wow, you are angry. When you calm down a bit and want to have a normal adult conversation with me, then you know the number. Take a time out. You need to get help. Being that angry is not healthy. Maybe you should talk about it in your 'meeting' "... I wanted to effing throw my phone against the wall!
His car has been towed from my parking lot and the storage unit gets switched to his name today since he got a job. I have some relief because of all of that but I am still SO angry and also have guilt for saying the things I said and stooping to his pathetic level knowing damn well that is what he wanted me to do...
For example, last night, I drove around for three stinking hours because apparently in CO, salmon is obsolete. WTF?! But I was set on having salmon for dinner and so I went driving to store after store after store... And the whole time I am so livid! I am cursing, I am huffing and puffing. And in my messed up head, all I could eat last night was salmon. I would not budge.
Then, after finding the salmon, I get home and my surround sound system, which also includes my DVD player as one whole unit, is done. Completely fried... Not a good time for that to happen. So the cursing begins again, the rage was SO unbearable and over something so stupid and materialistic?! Wow.
So I wake up this morning and my chest is on fire with a phlegmy cough and my throat hurts and I cannot get warm! UGH!!
I just feel really overwhelmed. XABF is texting me all this stuff, somehow found out I was going to Al-Anon and now he is so pissed about it, he will not leave me alone. I do not respond most of the time. I don't even let it get to me most of the time but last night I relapsed in the most horrible way.
I responded to everything. Not nicely either. I answered his call and instantly started yelling. I told him what a piece of sh*t he is and how the world does not revolve around him and I have my own crap to deal with and am not and refuse to help him deal with his crap.
I told him he is not God's gift to earth and is just a waste of fairly good oxygen.
I told him if he wanted to continue to be a drunk, irrational, ass hole to go right ahead because he is nothing but a loss cause anyways and I could care less if he kills himself. (
oops) I told him that I hate him, that he makes me physically ill when I hear his voice and that I am going to do everything in my power to get him locked up on the 17th.
Then, when he tried to talk, I hung up the phone. I didn't answer his calls - which he called me back 5 times. He sent me a text saying "Wow, you are angry. When you calm down a bit and want to have a normal adult conversation with me, then you know the number. Take a time out. You need to get help. Being that angry is not healthy. Maybe you should talk about it in your 'meeting' "... I wanted to effing throw my phone against the wall!
His car has been towed from my parking lot and the storage unit gets switched to his name today since he got a job. I have some relief because of all of that but I am still SO angry and also have guilt for saying the things I said and stooping to his pathetic level knowing damn well that is what he wanted me to do...
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
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Sorry you're feeling so rotten. Hope you feel better soon. What's done is done. You got to say what you've been holding back for quite a long time. Now, it would be best if you just blocked him from your phone and stopped reading any emails or texts he sends. He was able to get you to explode and whether or not that was his intention, what's done is done. Don't have any guilt for what you said. It's not worth it.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Denver, CO
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That is what I forgot to add. After court on the 17th, I think I am going to have to be forced to change my number. I just want to wait until the trial because I am not sure how to contact all involved to give them the new number. The DA, victim's advocate, attorney... You name it. And there is no way of blocking him.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: england
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Ive been there believe me,i remember a time when my exabf was texting me when he was drunk and i exploded and called him a useless piece of crap and that all he is is a drunk and that il see him in ten years when he's begging for money outside a shop!! I felt awful about it and then i thought well, stuff it, he never listened to the good things i said so why is he suddenly gonna feel hurt at the bad things. Don't worry about it and just don't answer him anymore,learn from it i certainly did. xx
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I'm with anvilhead on this one. Sorry but have to admit you had me laughing with your salmon quest. Been there, done that. It wasn't specifically salmon, but I know the feeling 
Call me crazy but while reading your post I kept on thinking: good for you girl.
You had all that anger inside of you, and it's good to let it out. Beats bottling it inside for sure.
Sometimes we need to do crazy staff in order to stay sane. We're only human.
Don't beat yourself about it. You're only processing an emotion. And anger is as healthy as the next one.
Call me crazy but while reading your post I kept on thinking: good for you girl.
You had all that anger inside of you, and it's good to let it out. Beats bottling it inside for sure.
Sometimes we need to do crazy staff in order to stay sane. We're only human.
Don't beat yourself about it. You're only processing an emotion. And anger is as healthy as the next one.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000 
I'm confused as to what the court thing is about?? He's your an ex b/f ??
I've heard a lot it's not the mountains but the mouse terds that eventually cause us to trip !
I've heard a lot it's not the mountains but the mouse terds that eventually cause us to trip !
Thanks guys! At least you got a laugh at the salmon thing! Once I finally went to bed all I kept thinking is "Holy hell, I am losing my mind".
My poor mother too. I called her every time I went into a store and there was no salmon. She probably thought I was nuts.
And Anvil... I love this: i'ts like Fish Dude, you don't understand, the Galactic Empire is going to hit us with a deathray and blast the planet to smithereens if YOU don't cough up that SALMON NOW!
SO how I felt last night! lol!
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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Posts: 578
I was wondering what you were up to! Glad you're back, I happen to have a 5 pound side of salmon in my frige right now that I will be poaching tomorrow for a party, would you like me to send you some? haha
I'm glad you got to say everything you needed to say. It's always interesting when we wend up being the ones who regret what we say or do... they give us hell all the time, and never seem to think twice about it the next morning, calling us names, accusing us of the unthinkable. But we are the ones who really feel bad about it, not them. Don't waste your precious energy. He didn't hear a word you said, believe me. All he heard was an opportunity to throw it back in your face, to point out that YOU are the one that is unhealthy, and needs help. They are so quick to shift any attention away from themselves.
I'm a firm believer in the no contact approach. I've gone as far now as filing a harrassment complaint, and a Restraining order against him, because I worry the phone calls and texts will turn into something more dangerous when he's had a bad night and too much to drink... I'm not taking a chance. I will say though, if you are even thinking about filing anything against him, keep a record of all his texts and voicemails. The police like to see and hear those, and have already asked me to save anything else he sends. They need to hear those things to make any accusation of stalking or harassment hold enough water.
Good luck to you, and salmon is always available in the canned meat section, next to the tuna. I can give you a great recipe for salmon patties that might get you through a bad night...
I'm glad you got to say everything you needed to say. It's always interesting when we wend up being the ones who regret what we say or do... they give us hell all the time, and never seem to think twice about it the next morning, calling us names, accusing us of the unthinkable. But we are the ones who really feel bad about it, not them. Don't waste your precious energy. He didn't hear a word you said, believe me. All he heard was an opportunity to throw it back in your face, to point out that YOU are the one that is unhealthy, and needs help. They are so quick to shift any attention away from themselves.
I'm a firm believer in the no contact approach. I've gone as far now as filing a harrassment complaint, and a Restraining order against him, because I worry the phone calls and texts will turn into something more dangerous when he's had a bad night and too much to drink... I'm not taking a chance. I will say though, if you are even thinking about filing anything against him, keep a record of all his texts and voicemails. The police like to see and hear those, and have already asked me to save anything else he sends. They need to hear those things to make any accusation of stalking or harassment hold enough water.
Good luck to you, and salmon is always available in the canned meat section, next to the tuna. I can give you a great recipe for salmon patties that might get you through a bad night...
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Originally Posted by kittykitty
I was wondering what you were up to! Glad you're back, I happen to have a 5 pound side of salmon in my frige right now that I will be poaching tomorrow for a party, would you like me to send you some? haha
I'm glad you got to say everything you needed to say. It's always interesting when we wend up being the ones who regret what we say or do... they give us hell all the time, and never seem to think twice about it the next morning, calling us names, accusing us of the unthinkable. But we are the ones who really feel bad about it, not them. Don't waste your precious energy. He didn't hear a word you said, believe me. All he heard was an opportunity to throw it back in your face, to point out that YOU are the one that is unhealthy, and needs help. They are so quick to shift any attention away from themselves.
I'm a firm believer in the no contact approach. I've gone as far now as filing a harrassment complaint, and a Restraining order against him, because I worry the phone calls and texts will turn into something more dangerous when he's had a bad night and too much to drink... I'm not taking a chance. I will say though, if you are even thinking about filing anything against him, keep a record of all his texts and voicemails. The police like to see and hear those, and have already asked me to save anything else he sends. They need to hear those things to make any accusation of stalking or harassment hold enough water.
Good luck to you, and salmon is always available in the canned meat section, next to the tuna. I can give you a great recipe for salmon patties that might get you through a bad night...
I'm glad you got to say everything you needed to say. It's always interesting when we wend up being the ones who regret what we say or do... they give us hell all the time, and never seem to think twice about it the next morning, calling us names, accusing us of the unthinkable. But we are the ones who really feel bad about it, not them. Don't waste your precious energy. He didn't hear a word you said, believe me. All he heard was an opportunity to throw it back in your face, to point out that YOU are the one that is unhealthy, and needs help. They are so quick to shift any attention away from themselves.
I'm a firm believer in the no contact approach. I've gone as far now as filing a harrassment complaint, and a Restraining order against him, because I worry the phone calls and texts will turn into something more dangerous when he's had a bad night and too much to drink... I'm not taking a chance. I will say though, if you are even thinking about filing anything against him, keep a record of all his texts and voicemails. The police like to see and hear those, and have already asked me to save anything else he sends. They need to hear those things to make any accusation of stalking or harassment hold enough water.
Good luck to you, and salmon is always available in the canned meat section, next to the tuna. I can give you a great recipe for salmon patties that might get you through a bad night...
What I would have given to have you around last night with your 5 pounds of salmon. I ended up with a 1/4 pound slice from Whole Foods that was almost $10! Sheesh...
Well, everything got done tonight! Woo hoo! Storage unit was changed to his name, his motorcycle is now gone and so there is nothing more for him to hold over my head or to keep control over me with. I feel SO much relief and somehow a little sadness but I am embracing both.
The texts began tonight about an hour ago. He just doesn't give up. I have been good to myself and not let them get to me and have not responded. Actually, a few of them have made me laugh and some I didn't even look at like Anvil suggested. He seems to be literally insane and as I type this 11 text messages have come through and he is calling... (sigh) Guess my phone is going off for the night.
There is a restraining order and I'll use it if he comes around. I (most of the time) can ignore his calls and his texts and after the 17th, I plan on changing my number. I see the light... !!
WOW LADY! So proud of you for getting a restraining order! That is a HUGE thing to do. I know how hard it is to take that step and to even realize you need to take that step. You need to protect you and I am so glad you are doing so.
I have also read your other posts and you have done so well with the NC. Inspiration to me for sure. Makes me realize I can do this no matter the sob story or the begging or who is trying to convince me to work it out with him...
And I would love your recipe for the salmon patties!
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Location: UK and Australia
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As I read your post all I wanted to do was give you a hug! So I am glad you are feeling better.....you poor thing....
I too totally understand that feeling!! The salmon thing made me chuckle too.......sometimes its something totally unrelated that sets us off isn't it?!
One very useful phrase I have learnt here (and use often for myself!)...is this too shall pass....
and I am so glad it did pass for you....so many people here can relate to the madness of it all me included! I could totally relate to saying things in anger right back at him!...it makes you feel terrible but again you can use it as a learning tool too.....we are only human afterall
You know what did strike me though as I read your post was....you seem to be working through it...really you do!....doesn't always seem like it but I think you have to feel these things to be able to move forward.
Here's wishing you a good day today and hoping you are able to take a step in the right direction today my friend....take care of you Phiz :ghug3
I too totally understand that feeling!! The salmon thing made me chuckle too.......sometimes its something totally unrelated that sets us off isn't it?!
One very useful phrase I have learnt here (and use often for myself!)...is this too shall pass....
and I am so glad it did pass for you....so many people here can relate to the madness of it all me included! I could totally relate to saying things in anger right back at him!...it makes you feel terrible but again you can use it as a learning tool too.....we are only human afterall
You know what did strike me though as I read your post was....you seem to be working through it...really you do!....doesn't always seem like it but I think you have to feel these things to be able to move forward.
Here's wishing you a good day today and hoping you are able to take a step in the right direction today my friend....take care of you Phiz :ghug3
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Thanks Phiz!
I could have sure used a hug last night as I was in the middle of the grocery store cursing on my cell phone about salmon... :crazy
I'm actually glad I came here and posted today because I was still pretty upset this morning and being sick now doesn't help but as soon as all of you guys made me realize the humor of this all, I was able to laugh at myself and let it pass.
I no longer feel guilty. Like celticghirl said, he has never listened to the good stuff so why would he to the bad? And as Anvil pointed out, his behavior did not change. He is still going at it today.
As hard as it is, I do think I am working through this. With a lot of support from SR!
I could have sure used a hug last night as I was in the middle of the grocery store cursing on my cell phone about salmon... :crazy
I'm actually glad I came here and posted today because I was still pretty upset this morning and being sick now doesn't help but as soon as all of you guys made me realize the humor of this all, I was able to laugh at myself and let it pass.
I no longer feel guilty. Like celticghirl said, he has never listened to the good stuff so why would he to the bad? And as Anvil pointed out, his behavior did not change. He is still going at it today.
As hard as it is, I do think I am working through this. With a lot of support from SR!
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
Hope you feel better soon and SR sure is a great place to vent isn't it?
The people here are such a wonderful support group for me and I love the honesty! It's not always what we want to hear but I do love the honesty and the different views and opinions....and of course experiences.
Take care of you and keep posting......Phiz :ghug3
The people here are such a wonderful support group for me and I love the honesty! It's not always what we want to hear but I do love the honesty and the different views and opinions....and of course experiences.
Take care of you and keep posting......Phiz :ghug3
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