A reminder when those of us who had been there when responding
Go ask the Multivax
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
A reminder when those of us who had been there when responding
Most of us I think are great with helping newcomers! I found this on another forum site and thought it would be a good reminder for us too:
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Responses should include only compassionate and helpful remarks. "Tough love" should be sandwiched between kindness and the truth. This is known as SET communication:
S = Sympathy
E = Empathy
T = Truth
Offering advice is more than welcomed if presented in a kind, compassionate way. Talk from your heart and soul. Make sure you are not projecting after being triggered. Walk in the other person's shoes before your advise them.
----------------
Responses should include only compassionate and helpful remarks. "Tough love" should be sandwiched between kindness and the truth. This is known as SET communication:
S = Sympathy
E = Empathy
T = Truth
Offering advice is more than welcomed if presented in a kind, compassionate way. Talk from your heart and soul. Make sure you are not projecting after being triggered. Walk in the other person's shoes before your advise them.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
I see these type of posts every so often here. I think trying to control how people respond to each other is like trying to control how the sun rises and sets. It can't be done.
I have gotten some responses I was not thrilled with, but I'm posting on a public forum with people in different stages of recovery, or not. There is a risk in that. Take what you like and leave the rest.
I have gotten some responses I was not thrilled with, but I'm posting on a public forum with people in different stages of recovery, or not. There is a risk in that. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Go ask the Multivax
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Originally Posted by ItsmeAlice 
Nicely posted Alizerin.
I have to remind myself every day to not give advice unless it's requested. It's my worst codie trait, I think.
Alice
I have to remind myself every day to not give advice unless it's requested. It's my worst codie trait, I think.
Alice
This is true. While thinking about it. Isn't posting here typically for insights and suggestions? I mean, if I make a post in a forum with 30 or so people in it at any given time... I should expect some advice!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
I'm definitely for empathy and the rest, but aslo I find the replies to my posts that don't sit with me too well initially are usually the ones that make me think the most, question myself the most and as the end result help me grow the most
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I should expect some advice
True, although seeking support and seeking advice are different things. Not something I have always understood, mind you.
Some post for validation. Some post to commiserate. Some post to process a thought. Some post just to release something in a safe enviornment.
I don't always know what someone is looking for, but I sometimes think I do. Well, because I think I know best. Annoying codie trait #2 of mine.
That's why I like your post...
If I focus on my experience, my strength, and my hope and extend that out to people, it covers all the possible needs because the poster can gather what they want from it and leave the rest. Giving unsollicited advice doesn't work the same way.
Alice
True, although seeking support and seeking advice are different things. Not something I have always understood, mind you.
Some post for validation. Some post to commiserate. Some post to process a thought. Some post just to release something in a safe enviornment.
I don't always know what someone is looking for, but I sometimes think I do. Well, because I think I know best. Annoying codie trait #2 of mine.
That's why I like your post...
If I focus on my experience, my strength, and my hope and extend that out to people, it covers all the possible needs because the poster can gather what they want from it and leave the rest. Giving unsollicited advice doesn't work the same way.
Alice
, but aslo to admit I'm the same on that one... LOLGo ask the Multivax
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Originally Posted by ItsmeAlice
Oh, and worse yet, when a codie like me gives unsollicited advice, more often than not their self worth is tied to wether the advice is followed or not.
Ug, codie trait #3 that I've got in abundance!
Alice
Ug, codie trait #3 that I've got in abundance!
Alice
Go ask the Multivax
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Ha ha...
I posted this in the cafe:
Stupid thoughts I have about SR:
1.) Where are all my thanks?!
2.) Wish there was a "no thanks button"
3.) I've made a dozen posts at least that should have made a "sticky"
:rotfxko
I posted this in the cafe:
Stupid thoughts I have about SR:
1.) Where are all my thanks?!
2.) Wish there was a "no thanks button"
3.) I've made a dozen posts at least that should have made a "sticky"
:rotfxko
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
posted this in the cafe:
Stupid thoughts I have about SR:
1.) Where are all my thanks?!
2.) Wish there was a "no thanks button"
3.) I've made a dozen posts at least that should have made a "sticky"
Stupid thoughts I have about SR:
1.) Where are all my thanks?!
2.) Wish there was a "no thanks button"
3.) I've made a dozen posts at least that should have made a "sticky"
Why haven't you made the "sticky" list?
The gross injustice of that should make the world stop spinning on its' axis!
Well, I think I will sit here and watch (with my good codie cape on) and wait to see what the consensus is, but still try to get everyone to like me!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
i really should get a life huh?
geez anvilhead!
i mean, how did i miss when you got 11,111 posts?
i was watching too.
sigh........
life beckons. my dog is giving me the evil eye.
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