Redheadsusie

since Ah moved out. He lives down the street so we see each other in passing. Of course he is exercising now but still drinking. He asked me to dinner and I said no. He got upset about that and got hostile. I told him to text me if he needed something. He today sent me nice texts to say how great the yard looked and some other nice tid bits. They made me cry. It makes me crazy he is being nice because I love him when he is nice- a lot. Obviously I know he is putting on the ritz so I will let him come back home but things would be the same for me and for him. He is not strong enough to walk away even if things are bad . I had to do that for the both of us- especially myself. I have been weak in spirit the past few days and maybe it is just part of the process. Some days angry, some sad, some happy , some hopeful, some relieved, some scared- I feel like I have a personality disorder . Anyway- I know he is still drinking - know he would get aggressive with me verbally again- knows he would tell me what a horrible person I am. I have to keep rminding myself of how my self esteem has been crushed because of this. CRUSHED. I need to get my confidence and center back. Positivity breeds positivity. I am so scared when both of my sons will be in college in the Fall - I will be alone which I have not been - ever - now that I think about it. Always shared a room- college roomates- lived with sister after college - got married at 22- when I got divorced 8 years later I had 2 kids with me and they have been with me ever since God Bless em! I have a devoted Greyhound and Mutt who I adore but God am I scared. I wish my Mom was here to comfort me - I know she is with me and I truly won't be alone . I need to take each day at a time. I am a freaking mess tonight. Tomorrow will be aa great day. Life is great! I am blessed. Repeat Repeat Repeat.

tigger11

I know exactly how you feel! It freaks me out sometimes to be alone. But I'm slowly getting used to it. It helps to get together with friends a lot, then get tired. Keeping busy is a great help. Also, you're never really alone with you're hanging out on F & F. There are people here 24x7 with the various countries. We'll hang out with ya!

Huggs!
Tigg

Jadmack25

Being alone at 47 for the first time in my life, scared me near to death. That and coming to terms with the ending of my 27 year marriage, was a miserable, but empowering time for me.
I had time to figure who I was, me as me....not so and so's wife...or mum.....or granma.

Don't worry about the changing moods of each day, all of that is perfectly normal for where you are right now.

Just know that as it all comes together, you will feel better and happier with your decision, a decision taken after a lot of thought.

Keep busy, see friends, go out, pamper yourself, take up a course, or study something you are really interested in.



God bless

Redheadsusie

Thank you so much for you wonderful words of encouragement. I appear pretty strong outwardly but inside - not so much. My Mom who passed in February helped me be strong . She was my biggest fan and always reminded me how raising 2 amazing sons pretty much alone was a hard job that I am proud to say I did pretty well! I was strong enough to do that and get them both to Virginia Tech so I can do this too. I am relying more on my faith that I have pretty much put on the back burner for these past 10 years. In the words of Gloria Gaynor - I will Survive!

stella27

I struggle, too, Susie, but my children are little and so I am rarely alone.
The things that help me fill the gaps where AH used to be are:
1. my friends
2. a running program - a slow walk-to-run program that keeps me focused on the next goal.
3. sometimes I will walk for hours at a time - just listening to my ipod - my dogs love this - I will walk them in shifts.
4. church and its activities and committees
5. I am reading a lot - and you could always do that at a public place like Starbucks or something - to strike up a convo with others.

I am very busy with my kids - but if I weren't, I might do some of the following:
1. become a foster parent
2. host an exchange student
3. start a supper club in my neighborhood
4. mentor through the Boys & Girls Club or similar organization
5. Volunteer with meals on wheels

These are just some of the ideas that came to me quickly.

Redheadsusie

Thank you for the great idea. I think the volunteering ideas are great. I love to do that kind of thing and used to gie alot more than I do now. I will check into Meals on Wheels etc. I am tryng to stay busy with work and friends. He really did not do anything with me at all but just having someone there was somehow comforting - actually having him not here is more comforting - weird.