Monday: Court. Me: Tiny bit stressed.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Monday: Court. Me: Tiny bit stressed.
Um, can you guys hold my hand while I do this whole divorce/custody thing from AH?
Things are going ok. He got served. He was pissed. He made some vague threats. No biggie.
Visitation continued for 2 Sundays in a row. Big Woop. He seems more "involved" since getting served. I haven't seen any signs of him being intoxicated before or after the visits, but that doesn't mean squat. He was always good at hiding it. From this and from continuing visitation, I assume he intends on showing up in court on Monday.
I spoke with my lawyer this afternoon. She indicated that she has not received a notice of appearance from AH's supposed lawyer, so she assumes that he is not represented. She plans on calling him today or tomorrow morning to verify whether or not he plans on showing up to court. He could say yes, and not show. He could say no, and show up. He could hang up on her and show up, or not. You never know with him.
If he does speak with her and tells her he plans on coming to a "reasonable agreement", we will put off going to court and go through out of court mediation where we try to iron out all the details.
If not, it's court.
This can go one of two ways:
a) he doesn't show. We got for a judgment by default. I get awarded custody by default. The divorce proceeds as usual and will be finalized after a year of separation has passed (October 31).
b) he shows up and we try to mediate right then and there regarding custody and divorce.
Option b) has 2 sub-options:
i) we come to an agreement and settle everything on the day. If AH agrees to admit to having treated me with mental cruelty, divorce is granted in 60 days. If not, it'll be granted after October 31. I don't care either way.
ii) we don't come to an agreement and then we have to go to trial. The date will be set in 3 or 4 months from now, and then it's war.
I don't really forsee option b) ii) happening, but I'm still a bit apprehensive about the unknown. I'm trying my very best to just put it all in HP's hands, but it's hard to quiet the little tremors in my stomach. I think I'm also a bit antsy to just get divorced!
Sorry if this sounds a bit expository. I guess I just needed to get it out of my brain!
Things are going ok. He got served. He was pissed. He made some vague threats. No biggie.
Visitation continued for 2 Sundays in a row. Big Woop. He seems more "involved" since getting served. I haven't seen any signs of him being intoxicated before or after the visits, but that doesn't mean squat. He was always good at hiding it. From this and from continuing visitation, I assume he intends on showing up in court on Monday.
I spoke with my lawyer this afternoon. She indicated that she has not received a notice of appearance from AH's supposed lawyer, so she assumes that he is not represented. She plans on calling him today or tomorrow morning to verify whether or not he plans on showing up to court. He could say yes, and not show. He could say no, and show up. He could hang up on her and show up, or not. You never know with him.
If he does speak with her and tells her he plans on coming to a "reasonable agreement", we will put off going to court and go through out of court mediation where we try to iron out all the details.
If not, it's court.
This can go one of two ways:
a) he doesn't show. We got for a judgment by default. I get awarded custody by default. The divorce proceeds as usual and will be finalized after a year of separation has passed (October 31).
b) he shows up and we try to mediate right then and there regarding custody and divorce.
Option b) has 2 sub-options:
i) we come to an agreement and settle everything on the day. If AH agrees to admit to having treated me with mental cruelty, divorce is granted in 60 days. If not, it'll be granted after October 31. I don't care either way.
ii) we don't come to an agreement and then we have to go to trial. The date will be set in 3 or 4 months from now, and then it's war.
I don't really forsee option b) ii) happening, but I'm still a bit apprehensive about the unknown. I'm trying my very best to just put it all in HP's hands, but it's hard to quiet the little tremors in my stomach. I think I'm also a bit antsy to just get divorced!
Sorry if this sounds a bit expository. I guess I just needed to get it out of my brain!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Two hands - no waiting!!
Hugs to you.
I understand completely. Writing things out like this with subheadings and all help me to organize my thoughts, too. Also helps some with the awfulizing over situations and keeps me grounded in the real potential outcomes.
Hang in there!
Alice
Hugs to you.
I understand completely. Writing things out like this with subheadings and all help me to organize my thoughts, too. Also helps some with the awfulizing over situations and keeps me grounded in the real potential outcomes.
Hang in there!
Alice
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
From what you've told us about him, he seems like a bully. My experience with bullies is that they usually back down when confronted with authority. So, my guess is, he won't show up at all and you will get your default. I hope so anyway. But, my psychic abilities have proven unreliable in the past, lol.
Anyway, no matter what option he chooses, you are still just a short few months of being divorced from him, so.........
L
Anyway, no matter what option he chooses, you are still just a short few months of being divorced from him, so.........
L
:
piece of cake! you've got this one tied up!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
We're here for you....
As my dad says.... "This too shall pass".
I don't think he'll show either.... after all can't have a judge telling a bully what to do..... bullies don't like to be "humiliated" (in their mind) in front of others... that's why they become bullies....and if he shows... so what... I'll bet he won't be bullying anyone in the courtroom!
You're doing just fine.... you're on the homestretch... the finish line is in sight.... go baby go!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Big hug for you my dear, and my prayers of course.
Don't worry too much, as he is not going to become Mr Perfect over the weekend. More likely to wipe himself out over the W/E, and if he does get to court, look bloody awful.... at least I HOPE HE DOES.
Sure he will get a few of these looks, if he shows his face and begins quacking.
God bless
Don't worry too much, as he is not going to become Mr Perfect over the weekend. More likely to wipe himself out over the W/E, and if he does get to court, look bloody awful.... at least I HOPE HE DOES.
Sure he will get a few of these looks, if he shows his face and begins quacking.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Thanks for all your awesome support! I'll keep you updated on how it went.
Oh, and I was discussing all this with my folks, and my father mentioned something that got me wondering if AH will show up after all. When I served him with proceedings, he emailed me to ask me what my intentions were with regards to visitation. I eventually responded that nothing changes and unless he's adverse to it, visitation continues as usual. And so it did...
My father was of the opinion that this meant that AH has no intention of "wasting" a day in court , and just wanted to know if he'd still be able to see DD. This coupled with his fear of being anywhere near officers of the law (I remember how freaked out he was to be in an airport, having to go through security and getting our IDs checked), makes me wonder if he actually will deign to come....
In any case, I'll be thinking of *anything else* but this over the week-end, will dress my nicest on Monday and give it up to HP.
Oh, and I was discussing all this with my folks, and my father mentioned something that got me wondering if AH will show up after all. When I served him with proceedings, he emailed me to ask me what my intentions were with regards to visitation. I eventually responded that nothing changes and unless he's adverse to it, visitation continues as usual. And so it did...
My father was of the opinion that this meant that AH has no intention of "wasting" a day in court , and just wanted to know if he'd still be able to see DD. This coupled with his fear of being anywhere near officers of the law (I remember how freaked out he was to be in an airport, having to go through security and getting our IDs checked), makes me wonder if he actually will deign to come....
In any case, I'll be thinking of *anything else* but this over the week-end, will dress my nicest on Monday and give it up to HP.
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