Catkill23

I was wondering if most 36 year old women are interested in material things, mankind, gossip and what people think about them.

I think the answer is yes, but maybe my opinion is skewed. I realize I need to cope with society, and am learning everyday skills to do this.

Just want to know if any other women in this forum maybe thought this way at this age, and grew up sometime later, found something more peaceful then what the general "sheep" our looking for and striving for.

LaTeeDa

Honestly, I think when you start to generalize people, you're grasping at straws. I have an aunt, who I love dearly, who is turning 70 this year, who has never "grown up" in the ways you are describing. She still defines herself and her life by the size of the diamonds on her fingers and the price of the car she drives. I have a 17yo daughter who cares more about creating art than having a car to drive.

I "grew up" in the sense of responsibility soon after I had children. My husband, on the other hand remained a party boy well into his 40's. Even though we were both parents.

If your looking for someone to tell you when people mature, I'm sure you will find plenty of opinions. But, the fact of the matter is, people are different. You can either accept those differences, or find other people to spend your time with.

L

Catkill23

Thanks, I am the RAH at 36, 8 months sober. She is controlled drinker, still searching for youth. I have alway's been unmaterialistic and wanted to be adults. But our lifestyle tore me up. I am here for the longhaul and am giving her all space she needs. Seems like she is probably in a dilima on what lifestyle she want's. I guess time will only tell if she realizes why she married me and why she wanted me sober.

LaTeeDa, how long has your spouse been sober, and were you supportive after 8 months?

LaTeeDa

He has been sober about 4 years now. We tried to reconcile after about 6 mos. sober. It didn't work out. He was still selfish and irresponsible in my eyes, and probably there was just too much water under the bridge by that time. All the hurt, and pain, and distrust...it was just too late for us. Maybe if he had gotten sober sooner, maybe if I had gotten a clue about my own codependency sooner, who knows.

We do not hate or despise each other. We have a good co-parenting relationship and work together for the sake of our kids, for the most part. I just couldn't live with him anymore. I care about him deeply, and probably always will, but the romantic love didn't survive our mutual dysfunction.

L

barb dwyer

When I was 33,
I sold everything,
quit a pretty good 'no effort ok cash' paying job...
moved to montana,
literally lived in a camper for over ten years....

and if I hadn't let DEADBEAT ex albatross himself along....

it would have been the TIME OF MY LIFE.

...heh.

Does that help?

LaTeeDa

BTW, my ex-husband thinks I am materialistic. I think I am responsible. I care about holding down a good job, saving for retirement, saving for college for the children, having a car that doesn't break down, having a nice house and beautiful things.

He defines that as materialistic. I define it as mature and responsible. Matter of opinion, I guess.

L

Catkill23

doesn't sound like your materialistic, just mature. Thanks

barb dwyer

I think you alsom might be going through a phase of relationship
that happens in recovery
that may be why
treatment facilities (and NOT AA)
began that suggestion about not changing anything major for the first year.

I think it's great that you're sober,
and I hope you'll continue to be dedicated to your sobriety
but without knowing personally your wife
what she's sounding more like
is someone who was injured in the area of trust
and what you're seeing as 'materialistic'

is her own idea of 'security'?