Being completely alone
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
I'm sorry. That sounds rough 
I have children at home so I'm never alone. I have family that has my back, and I know it, so that is a huge relief. They are long distance and not so good at sharing with. I like living alone.
What I am missing is friendship. I do not have friends. None. I do not go places, call people on the phone, or do anything like that at all. Zero. I hate the phone so I don't miss that but sometimes I really wish there was just someone that would come over and watch a movie, or go out to lunch or something. When I need that connection and it isn't there, that is when I feel lonely.
I have children at home so I'm never alone. I have family that has my back, and I know it, so that is a huge relief. They are long distance and not so good at sharing with. I like living alone.
What I am missing is friendship. I do not have friends. None. I do not go places, call people on the phone, or do anything like that at all. Zero. I hate the phone so I don't miss that but sometimes I really wish there was just someone that would come over and watch a movie, or go out to lunch or something. When I need that connection and it isn't there, that is when I feel lonely.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Like Thumper, I have children, so I am never alone. And honestly, I long to be alone sometimes. As much as I love my children, there are times when I wish I could be free of the responsibilities I have so I could create a life that was all about me and my dreams and desires. You have that, but it seems like a negative to you. From where I sit, it looks like an opportunity. A wondrous, amazing adventure, waiting to unfold.
I guess it's true what they say about the "grass is always greener."
L
I guess it's true what they say about the "grass is always greener."
L
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I'm an only child - a 'menopause' baby (parents in their forties when i came along)
both were gone by the time I was 21.
I've been on my own,
onthe outside of the whole 'family' thing all of my life.
So I understand.
In a very big very alone way.
I have two sons
that we were estranged for fifteen years
and have only now
recently reconnected.
so a
to you as well!!!
both were gone by the time I was 21.
I've been on my own,
onthe outside of the whole 'family' thing all of my life.
So I understand.
In a very big very alone way.
I have two sons
that we were estranged for fifteen years
and have only now
recently reconnected.
so a
to you as well!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
Family. I expected so from my family. I really did and I found that I kept getting let down. They aren't perfect at all, not like those families on tv. Finally I just accepted the fact that no matter what I do:
-My dad is never going to be that father that offered all the great support, and guidance, and advice
-My mom is probably never going to tell my ungrateful father to **** off and leave him
-My sister is probably never going to NOT have a bunch of rules that I have follow in order to stay in her life
-My brother is probably never going to recover from our childhood and live the happy life I really want for him
And once I accepted all that, I stopped leaning on them so much, I was no longer disappointed by there behavior, and things seemed to get better. I felt MORE secure by not leaning because I had ME. And I was able to enjoy the time that I did get from them, and in the way they were able to give it.
It seems like when we stop needing other people to help us, we no longer need any help. I know, that sounds dumb. But maybe we're forced through this abandonment part, so we find our own wings. Maybe that's whats going on right now Kittyboo, you're just finding out that you have some super strong wings and everything is going to be ok because you're doing whats best for you without any help from anyone.
You move if you know it's right for you. And you're not alone. You have you and on top of that, you have us. And we're pretty much the best darn company there is.
-My dad is never going to be that father that offered all the great support, and guidance, and advice
-My mom is probably never going to tell my ungrateful father to **** off and leave him
-My sister is probably never going to NOT have a bunch of rules that I have follow in order to stay in her life
-My brother is probably never going to recover from our childhood and live the happy life I really want for him
And once I accepted all that, I stopped leaning on them so much, I was no longer disappointed by there behavior, and things seemed to get better. I felt MORE secure by not leaning because I had ME. And I was able to enjoy the time that I did get from them, and in the way they were able to give it.
It seems like when we stop needing other people to help us, we no longer need any help. I know, that sounds dumb. But maybe we're forced through this abandonment part, so we find our own wings. Maybe that's whats going on right now Kittyboo, you're just finding out that you have some super strong wings and everything is going to be ok because you're doing whats best for you without any help from anyone.
You move if you know it's right for you. And you're not alone. You have you and on top of that, you have us. And we're pretty much the best darn company there is.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: new york
Posts: 227
Like some of you, I have children as well. I love them dearly but with my treatments sometimes they are hard to handle. I'll get past my "feeling alone" day after today. My house is tres big and there is much to do! That gives me my feeling of empowerment. I do it ALL myself. Big hugs to you all!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Bangkok, Thailand
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by Jadmack25 
I can feel a bit down and lonely, but thankfully not often, and certainly not as deeply as I did many times when living with my then super active abh.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I just can't let this go unsaid, however:
there's an enormous difference between being alone... and being lonely.
Though many many times I realized just how SMALL I am
and how BIG the world is...
Here in the last few years -
I'm not all that often...lonely.
there's an enormous difference between being alone... and being lonely.
Though many many times I realized just how SMALL I am
and how BIG the world is...
Here in the last few years -
I'm not all that often...lonely.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Thanks guys!!
Kitty- I am THERE for Thanksgving!! I love some Thanksgiving dinner!
As much as I love my children, there are times when I wish I could be free of the responsibilities I have so I could create a life that was all about me and my dreams and desires. You have that, but it seems like a negative to you. From where I sit, it looks like an opportunity
LTD- from where I sit these are 2 completely different things. Yes, I have my independence, freedom to do whatever I want (to a degree...i'm not a millionaire!) and the ability to choose to go in which direction I want. Yes, all blessings.... and no THAT does not seem like a negative to me.
I don't have children, and I don't feel like i'm missing out there, I can't say that I want children now, if ever. Though I imagine motherhood is a blessing.
What IS a negative to me is the feeling of complete disconnection from anyone...especially family. And trying so hard to gain that in one way or another and being constantly let down. When you have the last people from your family that you thought you could completely count on, let you down, it is impossible in that moment to feel like "Yay! I have my freedom!"... you know what, actually it would be GREAT for someone to care about me! That is where I am coming from.
Kitty- I am THERE for Thanksgving!! I love some Thanksgiving dinner!
As much as I love my children, there are times when I wish I could be free of the responsibilities I have so I could create a life that was all about me and my dreams and desires. You have that, but it seems like a negative to you. From where I sit, it looks like an opportunity
LTD- from where I sit these are 2 completely different things. Yes, I have my independence, freedom to do whatever I want (to a degree...i'm not a millionaire!
) and the ability to choose to go in which direction I want. Yes, all blessings.... and no THAT does not seem like a negative to me.I don't have children, and I don't feel like i'm missing out there, I can't say that I want children now, if ever. Though I imagine motherhood is a blessing.
What IS a negative to me is the feeling of complete disconnection from anyone...especially family. And trying so hard to gain that in one way or another and being constantly let down. When you have the last people from your family that you thought you could completely count on, let you down, it is impossible in that moment to feel like "Yay! I have my freedom!"... you know what, actually it would be GREAT for someone to care about me! That is where I am coming from.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
What I am missing is friendship. I do not have friends. None. I do not go places, call people on the phone, or do anything like that at all. Zero. I hate the phone so I don't miss that but sometimes I really wish there was just someone that would come over and watch a movie, or go out to lunch or something. When I need that connection and it isn't there, that is when I feel lonely.
Thumper - It's taken me a LONG time to make connections with people and feel like I have real friends. In friendships I have learned throughout the years I have many aquaintances, but few friends. And those friends I am grateful for.
I feel the way you do where I live now, which is why I am so happy to be moving.
Much of the reason I feel that way here though is because I never chose to really make connections with people, and those I did there were just different interests over all. It's a little hard to be back in College and meet 21 year olds and think we are going to be hanging out... I don't play x-box and I dont go to bars,lol. Nor have I been working so I haven't met people that way. But I feel that I have just been trying to really deal with all of this toxicity in my life, part of the reason for this "isolation". Not healthy, but I am looking to change that, I need to change that.
Why do you feel that you have no friends? Do you just not connect with the people in your area or do you not try to?
I think when we get disappointed so much it is so easy to just give up. I feel that way with family right now.... but I know I don't want to feel that way over all. I know that I do not want to be alone in my life, but I know that is up to me too.
Thumper - It's taken me a LONG time to make connections with people and feel like I have real friends. In friendships I have learned throughout the years I have many aquaintances, but few friends. And those friends I am grateful for.
I feel the way you do where I live now, which is why I am so happy to be moving.
Much of the reason I feel that way here though is because I never chose to really make connections with people, and those I did there were just different interests over all. It's a little hard to be back in College and meet 21 year olds and think we are going to be hanging out... I don't play x-box and I dont go to bars,lol. Nor have I been working so I haven't met people that way. But I feel that I have just been trying to really deal with all of this toxicity in my life, part of the reason for this "isolation". Not healthy, but I am looking to change that, I need to change that.
Why do you feel that you have no friends? Do you just not connect with the people in your area or do you not try to?
I think when we get disappointed so much it is so easy to just give up. I feel that way with family right now.... but I know I don't want to feel that way over all. I know that I do not want to be alone in my life, but I know that is up to me too.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
KP- you really summed up how I am feeling. (though my feelings are all over the place too!)
But I feel that I too must stop having expectations of people. I really thought I was coming to terms with that, but after this conversation yesterday with my aunt, I was just completely flung into hurt.
It was because I had expressed to her how important it was for me to get to see them, and even after the times I said that (and I felt I had to say it so that they would know how much it meant to me) they still chose to cancel on me....again. I thought after Christmas they certainly wouldn't do that to me again. I was wrong.
Just like we must hold ourselves accountable for our actions and feelings, I feel like I have never held others accountable for how they treat me, and how I let them treat me.
I'm just done with that.
I do agree with you though, once you stop having expectations of others, a huge weight is lifted. I am envious of those who seem to have a family support system who is there, no matter what. Some of us have to learn to get through life without it.
Many have faced worse situations than I have and come out on top. I refuse to go down without atleast trying....for myself.
But I feel that I too must stop having expectations of people. I really thought I was coming to terms with that, but after this conversation yesterday with my aunt, I was just completely flung into hurt.
It was because I had expressed to her how important it was for me to get to see them, and even after the times I said that (and I felt I had to say it so that they would know how much it meant to me) they still chose to cancel on me....again. I thought after Christmas they certainly wouldn't do that to me again. I was wrong.
Just like we must hold ourselves accountable for our actions and feelings, I feel like I have never held others accountable for how they treat me, and how I let them treat me.
I'm just done with that.
I do agree with you though, once you stop having expectations of others, a huge weight is lifted. I am envious of those who seem to have a family support system who is there, no matter what. Some of us have to learn to get through life without it.
Many have faced worse situations than I have and come out on top. I refuse to go down without atleast trying....for myself.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
I don't think we should never expect things from people. It's just weird how sometimes it seems that when we need them to be there the most, they're not. That's what makes me think, "This must be happening because I'm supposed to learn something important." That kind of thinking may be a little hippyish, but it's seems to have been true when I look back on those times. Never have I been let down and not walked out stronger and even more sure of who I am.
I hope you have a greeeeat weekend.
I hope you have a greeeeat weekend.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Originally Posted by Kittyboo
Why do you feel that you have no friends? Do you just not connect with the people in your area or do you not try to?
I think when we get disappointed so much it is so easy to just give up. I feel that way with family right now.... but I know I don't want to feel that way over all. I know that I do not want to be alone in my life, but I know that is up to me too.
I think when we get disappointed so much it is so easy to just give up. I feel that way with family right now.... but I know I don't want to feel that way over all. I know that I do not want to be alone in my life, but I know that is up to me too.
I don't mean to sound so defeating. I know there are things I can do and will probably start doing them (like church for instance - anyone can show up at church, you don't have to know anyone or be invited
) Life is just a rat race, it is hard to keep up much less think about adding more. I want the friend that just materializes with out all the mingling to find! Which may actually be part of my problem. I just let people wander in and out of my life without much thought on if they are good for me etc.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by ladyhawk69
I have my days where I feel completely alone and it brings the anger and disappointment back. I do this once a week while sitting in my chemo chair. I see all the sick ones like me with loved ones around them. Men holding their wives hands, women getting juice for their husbands and then....there's just me.... I'm going through a time now that I feel so used and manipulated. It's been almost 9 months since he left the first time and almost 5 months without him completely but the pain for me is still there. Not because I miss him but because what I had turned out to be a lie. I try to stay calm and sane for my kids' sake but it's hard. I have a few close friends but my family is so far away and his family has ousted me as well. I guess knowing that your love was wasted is a hard pill to swallow. I for the most part am happy but it's those chemo days.....the night before and the day of.............I cry. I have a hard time talking to God. My life has been so hard and I've tried to be nothing but a good, caring person but I am constantly tested and I am reaching my breaking point. I am physically, mentally and spiritualy drained...............
I feel used and manipulated too, I was lied to the whole time. Then I end up feeling dumb for having fallen for the big act.
Then I start to wonder if I'll ever meet a genuine person who will love me. Luckily I have family, without them I'd be up the creek.
Love wasted.....it sure was. Then I wonder again how she could do this. To ostracize my loving, wonderful mother, sister and aunts, who could have been good for her, but instead she chose to continue to associate with all her negative friends, who are not friends, they are her enemies, although she doesn't see it that way. Anyone who questioned her drinking was automatically her enemy.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
Kittyboo... I've had similar feelings... but sometimes its best to embrace our solitude... it gives us time to reflect... about where we've been... where we want to go... who we want to be.
I appreciate being with friends too... and I've kept in touch with many via emails... I look at my alone time as my cocoon... and when I'm ready to fly among friends... new and old... I'll be ready!
In the meantime... I'm catching up on my home renovation and exploring alternate employment options!
Take care.
I appreciate being with friends too... and I've kept in touch with many via emails... I look at my alone time as my cocoon... and when I'm ready to fly among friends... new and old... I'll be ready!
In the meantime... I'm catching up on my home renovation and exploring alternate employment options!
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 56
Last year I went through a period of being utterly alone and feeling so lonely its ached inside (after going through a messy divorce with my EXH who suffered from an addiction of a different type). It got worse when a close friend died and I felt I had noone to turn to that could understand what I was going through.
'There is no pain like loneliness'
How did I deal with it?
After a breakdown, I somehow picked myself up and realised that I cannot rely on anyone to make me strong or happy its all up to me. The same goes at any stage in your life if youre in a relationship or not. I learnt that you are ultimately responsible for your own wellbeing and happiness and should never expect to get it from someone else. Its taken me 33 years to learn that lesson!
And now Im single, but not alone.
'There is no pain like loneliness'
How did I deal with it?
After a breakdown, I somehow picked myself up and realised that I cannot rely on anyone to make me strong or happy its all up to me. The same goes at any stage in your life if youre in a relationship or not. I learnt that you are ultimately responsible for your own wellbeing and happiness and should never expect to get it from someone else. Its taken me 33 years to learn that lesson!
And now Im single, but not alone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Jess- well said!
And today I feel much better and stronger than yesterday. Definitely went through a painful moment yesterday. And this past year for me has definitely tested my strength. But I am still here and kicking!
I have felt a sense of peace today that has come with a release of just things I have no control over.
It is true- I have me, I have always had me, and I have a lot to work towards.
I am grateful for my friends. Yesterday I felt alone, today I do not.
Thanks you guys! And ps...you learned quicker than I my dear, it's taken me 34 years! (and 1/2.lol)
And today I feel much better and stronger than yesterday. Definitely went through a painful moment yesterday. And this past year for me has definitely tested my strength. But I am still here and kicking!
I have felt a sense of peace today that has come with a release of just things I have no control over.
It is true- I have me, I have always had me, and I have a lot to work towards.
I am grateful for my friends. Yesterday I felt alone, today I do not.
Thanks you guys! And ps...you learned quicker than I my dear, it's taken me 34 years! (and 1/2.lol)
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: new york
Posts: 227
Duped- Thanks for your words. I am much better today. I go through different emotions based on the day, week etc; and today is a good day! I am helping a friend who is going through surgery today. It makes me feel fulfilled to give back especially to someone who has helped me so much! Keep your chin up, as I will mine, and keep plugging away. :ghug3 big hug for you!!
May it be
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: A new day. Today I just see bright colors, in the small world of my dreams.
Posts: 384
Trade my peace, serenity, my time... for what I had, Not happening any time soon.
Not that I wouldn't keep an eye out for something like the handyman or you got a friend (like a best friend) But am Really content where I'm at
Not that I wouldn't keep an eye out for something like the handyman or you got a friend (like a best friend) But am Really content where I'm at
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