Has therapy helped you?
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Has therapy helped you?
Over the last week I've had a pretty crazy time: triggered worse than ever, or at least it felt like that. When I went to therapy yesterday my therapist was so helpful--giving me tools to deal with the PTSD. I have had other counselors that validated me, but none have shown me charts, helped me move my processing from the "little kid" part of my brain to the "adult" part. Her recommendations have been very helpful, even without doing the magic light thingy yet.
We haven't started the actual EMDR yet. She said I was too freaked out (my words not hers) Tuesday to do it, but the skills she gave me have been so helpful-like magic. So simple. Stuff like breath, remember I'm the adult and will take care of my little kid who is literally scared for her life. Tricks for staying grounded in the moment, stuff I forget once the trigger gets hold of me.
My biggest confusion has been with the ratio of sanity to insane feelings. I keep saying this, and she validates it. I"ve worked through 90% of my issues, but once the PTSD triggers take over, there's no way I can work on detachment, resentments, nothing. Not until the feeling that my life is in danger is under control.
So my question is: what has been your most effective therapy?
We haven't started the actual EMDR yet. She said I was too freaked out (my words not hers) Tuesday to do it, but the skills she gave me have been so helpful-like magic. So simple. Stuff like breath, remember I'm the adult and will take care of my little kid who is literally scared for her life. Tricks for staying grounded in the moment, stuff I forget once the trigger gets hold of me.
My biggest confusion has been with the ratio of sanity to insane feelings. I keep saying this, and she validates it. I"ve worked through 90% of my issues, but once the PTSD triggers take over, there's no way I can work on detachment, resentments, nothing. Not until the feeling that my life is in danger is under control.
So my question is: what has been your most effective therapy?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 237
Oddly enough, for me, my most effective therapist has been the Christian counselor I have now. I say oddly enough, because I do not necessarily consider myself Christian, more agnostic. But my biggest issue with letting go of my XAH has been, and continues to be, my feelings of guilt--that I'm not "helping" enough, that I'm "abandoning" him, or fears that he'll kill himself or die (and these may not be unfounded fears, unfortunately). For me, having a very Christian man tell me that the most loving thing I can do for XAH is to let him go fully to hit his own bottom and learn how to rescue himself, or failing that, to realize that his death may in some ways be a gift to me, if that is God's plan, has been very comforting. I feel like, "If this is a Christian telling me this, it must not be immoral or wrong to not help XAH out."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
The therapy I got from Al-Anon was probably the best overall, but I've had a couple of therapists who have very clearly told me that certain behaviors that my AH were doing that I accepted were just not acceptable. I needed someone to tell me very clearly what "normal" vs. "insane" was so that I could stop justifying it in my mind.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I think the best therapy for me has been working the 12 steps over the years, and adding in therapy/counseling when I needed the extra support.
A lot of things that used to trigger me tremendously gradually dissipated over the years with those two resources.
A lot of things that used to trigger me tremendously gradually dissipated over the years with those two resources.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
All the therapy I've done has been so helpful.
I'd say the 6 months I did of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) did the most for me. But prior to that I had already had 2 rounds of more standard "talk" therapy. CBT is not so much about delving into issues, it's not concerned with "where is this coming from." It's about becoming aware of thoughts and how thoughts influence behavior, and how to change those thoughts and patterns of thinking/behaving.
peace-
b
I'd say the 6 months I did of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) did the most for me. But prior to that I had already had 2 rounds of more standard "talk" therapy. CBT is not so much about delving into issues, it's not concerned with "where is this coming from." It's about becoming aware of thoughts and how thoughts influence behavior, and how to change those thoughts and patterns of thinking/behaving.
peace-
b
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: SD
Posts: 29
I have only been 6 times. 5 of those times were with AH. The one time I went alone, I could open up and it felt fantastic. I could tell her he was an alcoholic. I didn't have to be quiet. I can't wait to go again. I just made myself an appointment for tonight. I'm excited to talk.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Bernadette, I wonder if CBT is what we're doing. There has been three weeks of my giving her history, so she understands WTF is wrong with me, and now we're moving into how to process, or keep me "safe", in the moment.
She's an EMDR trained MSW, maybe a psychologist as well, I don't remember. She did recommend I keep my anti anxiety drugs on hand, but doesn't prescribe them.
She's an EMDR trained MSW, maybe a psychologist as well, I don't remember. She did recommend I keep my anti anxiety drugs on hand, but doesn't prescribe them.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
the first thing that jumped into my head, is validation.
but really, therapy has worked for me, because i am given tools. i have learned to better communicate, to understand, permission to take care of myself, to set boundaries. it's a lot like what we learn in alanon, but the directness of a one-on-one relationship makes it happen more quickly and allows me to feel heard and understood.
but really, therapy has worked for me, because i am given tools. i have learned to better communicate, to understand, permission to take care of myself, to set boundaries. it's a lot like what we learn in alanon, but the directness of a one-on-one relationship makes it happen more quickly and allows me to feel heard and understood.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
I've been in therapy numerous times, for numerous issues, and almost every time, I have left feeling like I had a better handle on things.
My first therapist was very traditional, in that she sat there, let me ramble on and took notes (and loved to hear about my nightmares). I saw her when I started having flashbacks of being raped, and started displaying signs of PTSD. I was a 16 year old mess...she really helped me and gave me some important tools to express my anger and frustration.
I had a few other counselling sessions after that with different people, but at times, it didn't click. Some wanted to talk about my relationship with my mother...others barely listened to what I said and plain TOLD me I was messed up.
The other super duper counsellor I saw was a nurse practitioner who saw patients out of a "center for the arts" in a local hospital. She was really a great listener, and was very hands on. She also treated me for cutting, gave me ressources when I attempted suicide, and gave me my yearly pap tests. She was like a do-it-all superwoman, who also happened to be a counsellor, and she truly saved my butt a bunch of times while I was falling apart due to being in a relationship with AH
I've also consulted several therapists for short amounts of time through the EAP at various jobs over the years. One was to help me work through the apparent cancer of one of my boyfriends (turns out he was lying). Another was to try to save my marriage (didn't work, now did it?!). And there were many sessions with social workers throughout the years, when I had no money, was preggo and freaking out. All of them helped me see things more clearly, and gave me concrete tools (relaxation and breathing exercises, journaling, The Artists' Way!). I'm very grateful to have been in contact with those people.
My first therapist was very traditional, in that she sat there, let me ramble on and took notes (and loved to hear about my nightmares). I saw her when I started having flashbacks of being raped, and started displaying signs of PTSD. I was a 16 year old mess...she really helped me and gave me some important tools to express my anger and frustration.
I had a few other counselling sessions after that with different people, but at times, it didn't click. Some wanted to talk about my relationship with my mother...others barely listened to what I said and plain TOLD me I was messed up.
The other super duper counsellor I saw was a nurse practitioner who saw patients out of a "center for the arts" in a local hospital. She was really a great listener, and was very hands on. She also treated me for cutting, gave me ressources when I attempted suicide, and gave me my yearly pap tests. She was like a do-it-all superwoman, who also happened to be a counsellor, and she truly saved my butt a bunch of times while I was falling apart due to being in a relationship with AH
I've also consulted several therapists for short amounts of time through the EAP at various jobs over the years. One was to help me work through the apparent cancer of one of my boyfriends (turns out he was lying). Another was to try to save my marriage (didn't work, now did it?!). And there were many sessions with social workers throughout the years, when I had no money, was preggo and freaking out. All of them helped me see things more clearly, and gave me concrete tools (relaxation and breathing exercises, journaling, The Artists' Way!). I'm very grateful to have been in contact with those people.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
There may be some elements of CBT in what she's doing with you - but EMDR is its own whole process right? I have heard very good things about EMDR, especially for dealing with PTSD and any kind of block - writer's block or stage fright etc.
The place I went was strictly CBT - I had to fill out worksheets at each session and on my own. I had a lot of written homework! It was good for me. I learned a lot and am able to utilize what I learned every day.
Hope you find some relief and remedy with this therapist!
peace-
b
The place I went was strictly CBT - I had to fill out worksheets at each session and on my own. I had a lot of written homework! It was good for me. I learned a lot and am able to utilize what I learned every day.
Hope you find some relief and remedy with this therapist!
peace-
b
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I cannot describe how much therapy helped me. I can only say it was life changing. I had never been to therapy before the ending of my marriage brought me to my knees. I had to seek help because I was literally falling apart mentally and physically.
At first, I had a hard time understanding how anyone could not be helped by therapy because it helped me so much. After reading this forum for awhile, I think I began to understand some things. Now, I think that the stars must align in order for therapy to work like it did for me.
I had a therapist who understood my problems and what I needed to hear.
She had the ability to connect with me and make me feel comfortable.
I was ready and willing to listen to what she had to say.
This, I believe is why it worked so well for me. And, of the above, I would guess that the last one was the most important.
It sounds like maybe the stars are aligning for you, too. I hope you get as much out of your experience as I did out of mine.
L
At first, I had a hard time understanding how anyone could not be helped by therapy because it helped me so much. After reading this forum for awhile, I think I began to understand some things. Now, I think that the stars must align in order for therapy to work like it did for me.
I had a therapist who understood my problems and what I needed to hear.
She had the ability to connect with me and make me feel comfortable.
I was ready and willing to listen to what she had to say.
This, I believe is why it worked so well for me. And, of the above, I would guess that the last one was the most important.
It sounds like maybe the stars are aligning for you, too. I hope you get as much out of your experience as I did out of mine.
L
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
I was ready and willing to listen to what she had to say.
It sounds like maybe the stars are aligning for you, too
My youngest sister arrived last night with her 8 year old boy and we stayed up till 4am laughing and crying. My other sister and I also have talked about this upcoming wedding, where my father will be.
We have worked through huge stuff to be this close, my sisters and I. It's wonderful, each of us have our own specialized brand of crazy in reacition to our childhoods, but are work work working it out. I"m glad they're here with me.
And I'm grateful for you good folks here. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, strength and hope. is that right? Or is it experience strength and hope?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by transformyself 
The pain stops when I say it does.
I know exactly what you mean by different kinds of "crazy" in your siblings. My sister and I are very close, but we still have very different ways we manifest our childhood, even though it was essentially the same childhood.
May your weekend be filled with more blessings than triggers.
L
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
L2L Admittedly, I am sometimes jealous of you recovering alcoholic/drug addict folks. The gift of sobriety is so powerful, even if you experience the worst day on the face of the earth, you know it's still better than a day of using.
Wait a minute. I feel that way too...about how I use to be when I was deep in my madness with AH. I would NEVER go back there. Never. Because even when I've "slipped" into codie stuff, I am at least aware of it now, and that awareness never leaves. I know there's a better, healthier way of life and it's up to me to change myself. Fix myself. Emerging into awareness is like sobriety. I can't ever go back to that unaware state: raging, blaming others. Working SO HARD to control them instead of pulling back to examine and work on myself. Hmm. Interesting.
I guess this is what my therapist refers to as moving my thought processes and awareness from my Limbic brain (where emotions are processed and reacted upon) into my frontal lobe where you can process and problem solve. Ah, I love flip charts! They're so helpful!
And thanks for the Blessings LTD! Day three of my youngest, most beautiful and magical sister and her little guy being here in my house with me and the kids. We're really having a freaking blast. I feel pretty darn good, at least I'm aware of when those ancient feelings start cropping up; like if I feel like I"m being left out of the "fun." My sisters love me unconditionally, and I love them that a way too. It's only good. So far.
We all came out of our childhood home with different dibilitating issues, or however that's spelled, and have all used different methods of recovery. My youngest sister has been talking to me about her anxiety, and I've seen it while she's been here. I wish I could help her more, but I know just loving her and not judging her and telling her she can work this stuff out is pretty darn helpful. She's cried a lot, because we live so far away from each other.
The tool my therapist gave me is really freaking amazing. I just have to stay very grounded, very aware of what's going on within myself. When I start to drift into little kid reactions, I engage my adult, have her take over to keep her/me safe.
The therapist gave me some tricks to do this. She helped me to come up wtih them actually.
Keeping in touch with my biological children helps, because that shifts me into "Mommy" mode and I can remind my "little girl" that she's safe and I'll take care of her. (God you have no idea how long I've scoffed at this type of crap--but I've got to admit it really works!)
Remembering something as simple as breathing. Focus on my breath.
Focusing on the feeling that I have when in yoga class, that I"m centered and attached to the Earth.
Keeping my keys in my hand to remember I am the adult and can leave if necessary
And keeping my clonipin on me, just in case.
The wedding is tomorrow. My middle sisters dinner party is tonight, I"m not going and the kids with be with AH, so I don't have to worry about seeing my dad tonight. I'm doing ok I think. But I do have that clonipin stuffed in my purse, just in case. And we're going to yoga today at 10am.
Geez can I talk..
Wait a minute. I feel that way too...about how I use to be when I was deep in my madness with AH. I would NEVER go back there. Never. Because even when I've "slipped" into codie stuff, I am at least aware of it now, and that awareness never leaves. I know there's a better, healthier way of life and it's up to me to change myself. Fix myself. Emerging into awareness is like sobriety. I can't ever go back to that unaware state: raging, blaming others. Working SO HARD to control them instead of pulling back to examine and work on myself. Hmm. Interesting.
I guess this is what my therapist refers to as moving my thought processes and awareness from my Limbic brain (where emotions are processed and reacted upon) into my frontal lobe where you can process and problem solve. Ah, I love flip charts! They're so helpful!
And thanks for the Blessings LTD! Day three of my youngest, most beautiful and magical sister and her little guy being here in my house with me and the kids. We're really having a freaking blast. I feel pretty darn good, at least I'm aware of when those ancient feelings start cropping up; like if I feel like I"m being left out of the "fun." My sisters love me unconditionally, and I love them that a way too. It's only good. So far.
We all came out of our childhood home with different dibilitating issues, or however that's spelled, and have all used different methods of recovery. My youngest sister has been talking to me about her anxiety, and I've seen it while she's been here. I wish I could help her more, but I know just loving her and not judging her and telling her she can work this stuff out is pretty darn helpful. She's cried a lot, because we live so far away from each other.
The tool my therapist gave me is really freaking amazing. I just have to stay very grounded, very aware of what's going on within myself. When I start to drift into little kid reactions, I engage my adult, have her take over to keep her/me safe.
The therapist gave me some tricks to do this. She helped me to come up wtih them actually.
Keeping in touch with my biological children helps, because that shifts me into "Mommy" mode and I can remind my "little girl" that she's safe and I'll take care of her. (God you have no idea how long I've scoffed at this type of crap--but I've got to admit it really works!)
Remembering something as simple as breathing. Focus on my breath.
Focusing on the feeling that I have when in yoga class, that I"m centered and attached to the Earth.
Keeping my keys in my hand to remember I am the adult and can leave if necessary
And keeping my clonipin on me, just in case.
The wedding is tomorrow. My middle sisters dinner party is tonight, I"m not going and the kids with be with AH, so I don't have to worry about seeing my dad tonight. I'm doing ok I think. But I do have that clonipin stuffed in my purse, just in case. And we're going to yoga today at 10am.
Geez can I talk..
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
I've been to marriage counseling on a couple different occasions and I found that to be extremely helpful. It gave me actual tools to use to communicate more effectively in relationships.
After M moved out I was a mess and found a good therapist with addiction counseling experience. She's the one who pointed me to a few online resources one of which was SR. After weekly visits through the summer she helped me identify my issues and triggers in hopes that I would make better choices the next time I stumbled onto a damsel in distress in need of rescuing by a knight in shinning armor.
A couple times since I've been able to me keep my head when in the past I would have been toast.. LOL!! I happen to know a few damsels in distress! It's amazing just how many there are!!! But I've been good.
After M moved out I was a mess and found a good therapist with addiction counseling experience. She's the one who pointed me to a few online resources one of which was SR. After weekly visits through the summer she helped me identify my issues and triggers in hopes that I would make better choices the next time I stumbled onto a damsel in distress in need of rescuing by a knight in shinning armor.
A couple times since I've been able to me keep my head when in the past I would have been toast.. LOL!! I happen to know a few damsels in distress! It's amazing just how many there are!!! But I've been good.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
The first therapist I saw was when I was in my mid-20's and finally dealing with rape that had happened when I was 12. He listened well, asked; "how do you feel about that" about every 5 sentences, and suggested that I might have encouraged the rape in some way. That was the only input he had. I also think he was attracted to me. As you can well imagine, I was put off of therapy for YEARS to come.
The counselor I have now, almost 30 years later, is a WOMAN from a domestic violence organization. Together, we're on the journey of trying to determine why I choose abusive alcoholics as partners. We're exploring my growing up years and how my parents influenced my decision making processes. At first I balked at that idea. It felt too typical-therapy. I wanted a quick fix, something new and innovative. But what we learn in the formative years shapes the basis of who we are today, and now I see the wisdom in this. We're also working on learning how I take care of me; a difficult concept for co-dependents. I love my counselor. She often weeds through my lack of ability to see obvious things, and she does it gently, intelligently, and with true concern for me, my safety, and my future. She encourages me by validating me, and completely understanding what I've been through, and have yet to go through.
As others' have said, SR Family/Friends is therapy for me. I never would have understood alcoholism and codependency as I do had it not been for the wonderful people here. It is such a good way to put today's worries out there and vent and get feedback. To be heard, understood and given real life examples from people who have been through exactly the same things I have is a HUGE GIFT! It's also great to hear occasionally from alcoholics in recovery who gently share what it's like from their perspective.
This is a great thread. I hope it encourages others' who may not yet be getting help from a therapist to try it as a part of growing and healing.
The counselor I have now, almost 30 years later, is a WOMAN from a domestic violence organization. Together, we're on the journey of trying to determine why I choose abusive alcoholics as partners. We're exploring my growing up years and how my parents influenced my decision making processes. At first I balked at that idea. It felt too typical-therapy. I wanted a quick fix, something new and innovative. But what we learn in the formative years shapes the basis of who we are today, and now I see the wisdom in this. We're also working on learning how I take care of me; a difficult concept for co-dependents. I love my counselor. She often weeds through my lack of ability to see obvious things, and she does it gently, intelligently, and with true concern for me, my safety, and my future. She encourages me by validating me, and completely understanding what I've been through, and have yet to go through.
As others' have said, SR Family/Friends is therapy for me. I never would have understood alcoholism and codependency as I do had it not been for the wonderful people here. It is such a good way to put today's worries out there and vent and get feedback. To be heard, understood and given real life examples from people who have been through exactly the same things I have is a HUGE GIFT! It's also great to hear occasionally from alcoholics in recovery who gently share what it's like from their perspective.
This is a great thread. I hope it encourages others' who may not yet be getting help from a therapist to try it as a part of growing and healing.
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