Catkill23

Is there any NAW's on this forum who stayed with the AH after they were say 8 months sober, and it has worked out good for them? Seems like all I have read is the AH went back to drinking, or left, or the NAW left because they wanted to move on. I think you should move on if you need to, just wondering if anyone stayed, and how it went, and any stories behind it.

Thanks

Tally

Stayed till he was 2 years sober. Nothing changed, he was still as selfish as he was when drinking.

Catkill23

Thanks

kv816

My dad's been sober for 20 years, with a handful of relapses over the years.

My parents have divorced a few times in those 20 years, but they are still together today.

I hope someday I'm half as strong as my mom.

coffeedrinker

my xah got sober but relapsed after a year. only one time, but it was a wake-up call that he could not drink. he stayed dry for years, but didn't "do what he had to do" and was till angry, passive-agressive, and eventually substituted grass for alcohol.

i left.

yes, there are success stories, but the odds aren't great. he has to be sober deep down, and address the causes that made him turn to a drug to manage his emotions and the emptyness inside. you also have to change. if only one changes, it's not complete.

you don't read many success stories here, because that's not usually why we are here. have you posted or read on the alcoholic forum?

Catkill23

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KittyP

It can happen, a couple my parents are friends with are a NAW and a RAH (about 15 years), and though they have their ups and downs they seem fairly solid. A woman from my al-anon group remarried her XAH after 4 years because he was sober and they seem to get along quite well. I've met a few other couples who I don't know too well who say they are happy and I've no reason not to believe them. Two of my friends have XA fathers and both of them are happy and sober for 13 and 9 years, their marriages didn't survive but they are both in decent places, especially the 13 year sober EX.

In my case I know I'm very happy with my AH when he is sober. I'm not trying to gloss over things but he seems to be facing up to the issues that are partly at the root of his drinking. (Childhood issues which he's now seeking therapy for.) And he's very focussed on learning new behavioural patterns, which is benefiting both of us. We argue less and talk things through more, it's still far from perfect, but I feel there is some hope for us. He's also started telling a lot of our friends the truth about his problem and telling them he can't be in alcoholic social situations for now, all of who have promised to do what ever he needs.

Of course it's very much a case of two steps forward and one step back, so I'm being careful not to rush my own feelings. It's tough because he's very eager for us to start trying for a baby at some point this year (we lost our first baby two years ago which was a big eye-opener to me as far as how bad his drinking really was.) And as much as I really, really want to have a family (and at 31 feel time biting at my heels) I will not have a baby with somebody who I'm not confident can be a great father. I don't ever want to expose a child to the life I've been leading for the last couple of years.