I can't believe I want to check in on him
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
I can't believe I want to check in on him
I'm totally fighting the urge to look at his FB. I have no idea how he's doing. Is he drinking? Is he sober? You know why? It turns out, I think I am still hanging on to some hope that things will work out somehow. That he'll get sober and be the great guy he used to be. That must be it right? That must be why I want to look. I miss him. I love him. I wish things could have worked out. But they won't. They just won't.
This sucks. I'm not going to look. I'm not. I wish it was earlier in the day so you guys were up so you'd tell me NO NO NO, DON'T LOOK AT HIS FB WALL! So I just have to tell myself that, because you guys can't hold my hand all the time. I know better. I can't do it. I won't do it. I have to take a deep breath, go and clean the kitchen, and get to bed. I just need a good rest and I'll be fine in the morning.
This sucks. I'm not going to look. I'm not. I wish it was earlier in the day so you guys were up so you'd tell me NO NO NO, DON'T LOOK AT HIS FB WALL! So I just have to tell myself that, because you guys can't hold my hand all the time. I know better. I can't do it. I won't do it. I have to take a deep breath, go and clean the kitchen, and get to bed. I just need a good rest and I'll be fine in the morning.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
LOL!
I can't believe you do, either
but - how wonderful your post shows
that these feelings and inclinations ...
pass.
GOOD JOB!!!
And the third thing-
you came here and talked about it before doing something
you're sure to regret.
way to go!
:ghug3
I can't believe you do, either
but - how wonderful your post shows
that these feelings and inclinations ...
pass.
GOOD JOB!!!
And the third thing-
you came here and talked about it before doing something
you're sure to regret.
way to go!
:ghug3
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Great post. Real honest! How are you feeling this morning?
Have you sorted out what your catalyst is for wanting to snoop?
For me, the practice of letting go decreases the urge to snoop on AH. The more I let go, the better I feel. I"ve had years of practicing snooping on my AH and that always, ALWAYS makes me feel worse.
I'm like a German Shepard and am only happy when I have "a job." So, when I turn that focus and scrutiny that I use to pin point onto AH, and refocus it onto myself, I can actually change the only thing I can change.
Take this hope for change and turn it on youself! Hang on to the hope that things will work out and you'll help yourself recover and become the woman you've always wanted to be! It's all about you Baby!
Have you sorted out what your catalyst is for wanting to snoop?
For me, the practice of letting go decreases the urge to snoop on AH. The more I let go, the better I feel. I"ve had years of practicing snooping on my AH and that always, ALWAYS makes me feel worse.
I'm like a German Shepard and am only happy when I have "a job." So, when I turn that focus and scrutiny that I use to pin point onto AH, and refocus it onto myself, I can actually change the only thing I can change.
It turns out, I think I am still hanging on to some hope that things will work out somehow. That he'll get sober and be the great guy he used to be.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
KeepPedaling,
Today, ask yourself, "What was my trigger?" What did you do, see, feel, expose yourself to, etc. to cause yourself to be triggered to get back involved with your drug of choice? Once you identify each of your triggers, you can then avoid them in the first place, which is much easier than fighting the urge once you've triggered it. Take care.
Today, ask yourself, "What was my trigger?" What did you do, see, feel, expose yourself to, etc. to cause yourself to be triggered to get back involved with your drug of choice? Once you identify each of your triggers, you can then avoid them in the first place, which is much easier than fighting the urge once you've triggered it. Take care.
today4me
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 311
I gave in everyone and looked at her myspace last night. It had been a week! I now I have pit in my gut and it feels like all my prayers and progress are swept away. She stated "Back from paradise". Just hurt me badly.
So confused with my prayers and direction right now.
So confused with my prayers and direction right now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Tpen -
I totally get how that feels, that bottomless empty gut wrenching feeling from looking. Ugh.
And now that you have seen it, and touched the hot stove again (i've been there)... I think your direction is pretty clear....
...it's in the OPPOSITE direction of her.
You will do what you like though until you are really finished. We all repeat it until we learn our lesson.
Hope your day brings you peace and calm!
I totally get how that feels, that bottomless empty gut wrenching feeling from looking. Ugh.
And now that you have seen it, and touched the hot stove again (i've been there)... I think your direction is pretty clear....
...it's in the OPPOSITE direction of her.
You will do what you like though until you are really finished. We all repeat it until we learn our lesson.
Hope your day brings you peace and calm!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: england
Posts: 162
i feel exactly the same but im acting on it.Exabf was on facebook all weekend right up untill sunday and since then he hasnt been on at all,my mind is doing overtime constantly thinking what he is doing where he is.I know that no matter what he has got to be in from 7 at night till 7 in the morn as he is on tag for smashing my windows!! (and i still want to know what he is up to) Hopefully it passes,im sure as time goes on it will!! Sorry i couldnt give you an answer to your problem and if i could i would. Take care atleast your not acting on your impulse. xx
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
We are slow learners. We also quickly and easily forget what we learn. We will keep putting our hands back on the hot stove over and over. Try to look for the lesson each time you do. Bring it forward in your consciousness.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
It doesn't matter.... she's living her life the way she wants to.
Sometimes it's not about you, it's not about any of us, it's about them and only what they want.
You're obsessing over questions that do not pertain to what will make YOUR life better. She is moving on it seems. You have to accept that, work on yourself and move on to, and look at the blessings that come with fact she has moved on.
Sometimes it's not about you, it's not about any of us, it's about them and only what they want.
You're obsessing over questions that do not pertain to what will make YOUR life better. She is moving on it seems. You have to accept that, work on yourself and move on to, and look at the blessings that come with fact she has moved on.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 566
I keep remembering "fake it 'til you make it". I'm living my life "as if" it's JUST FOR ME and it's working. I've been moving forward AS IF I can do this, and it's working. Not always easy, but it helps.
KP, love the honesty and the progress, and that you reached out. Inspiring reminder! You're doing great.
tpen and celtic, I've gone from worrying about what exA is doing to being more concerned about the pain I cause for myself when I "check". I don't want to check anymore, it's too painful and that definitely keeps me away from FB. The curiosity is still there, but it doesn't outweigh the pain I know I'll feel if I check, and it takes DAYS for that pain to subside. Not worth it. I like what kitty said, you'll keep doing it until you don't need to anymore. You're getting there!
posie
KP, love the honesty and the progress, and that you reached out. Inspiring reminder! You're doing great.
tpen and celtic, I've gone from worrying about what exA is doing to being more concerned about the pain I cause for myself when I "check". I don't want to check anymore, it's too painful and that definitely keeps me away from FB. The curiosity is still there, but it doesn't outweigh the pain I know I'll feel if I check, and it takes DAYS for that pain to subside. Not worth it. I like what kitty said, you'll keep doing it until you don't need to anymore. You're getting there!
posie
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Oh and KP - this is your thread... I meant to tell you that I give you mad kudos for coming here and venting!
I had always told myself that I would do that if I ever heard from XA again before I responded to him, and I didn't and I responded...and I regretted it!
I follow your lead my dear! WELL DONE!
And morning is always better
I had always told myself that I would do that if I ever heard from XA again before I responded to him, and I didn't and I responded...and I regretted it!
I follow your lead my dear! WELL DONE!
And morning is always better
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Originally Posted by tpen 
Why, why, and why. Why does she jump right into another relationship/fling? She said she was going to work on herself so she could be a better parent. Why does she even use myspace? Is she trying to get back at me?
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
good job, kp!
i think it is much harder at night - we are lonely, and therefore, vulnerable. it is dark and quiet, fewer distractions...
as for the checking and the "great life" they're having was found out, i think i would try turning that around:
"he/she doesn't really have the life that a status update reflects! i know this; it is just one more indication that he/she is NOT the man/woman that i thought/wanted/needed him/her to be."
if i read "back from paradise" i think i would roll my eyes and say "yeah, sure, drinking like a fish, not taking responsibility, not being the best parent you can be..." just another indication of the huge disconnect.
i think it is much harder at night - we are lonely, and therefore, vulnerable. it is dark and quiet, fewer distractions...
as for the checking and the "great life" they're having was found out, i think i would try turning that around:
"he/she doesn't really have the life that a status update reflects! i know this; it is just one more indication that he/she is NOT the man/woman that i thought/wanted/needed him/her to be."
if i read "back from paradise" i think i would roll my eyes and say "yeah, sure, drinking like a fish, not taking responsibility, not being the best parent you can be..." just another indication of the huge disconnect.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
Originally Posted by tpen
Why, why, and why. Why does she jump right into another relationship/fling? She said she was going to work on herself so she could be a better parent. Why does she even use myspace? Is she trying to get back at me?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
Originally Posted by Learn2Live
KeepPedaling,
Today, ask yourself, "What was my trigger?" What did you do, see, feel, expose yourself to, etc. to cause yourself to be triggered to get back involved with your drug of choice? Once you identify each of your triggers, you can then avoid them in the first place, which is much easier than fighting the urge once you've triggered it. Take care.
Today, ask yourself, "What was my trigger?" What did you do, see, feel, expose yourself to, etc. to cause yourself to be triggered to get back involved with your drug of choice? Once you identify each of your triggers, you can then avoid them in the first place, which is much easier than fighting the urge once you've triggered it. Take care.
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