lulu1974

Hello friends,
I often wonder if I can get my thinking to stay where I want it to be my emotions would stabilize and the roller coaster ride would stop.
Has anyone been successful in this? Its hard for me and I wonder if its because I cant control my thinking.

Thanks all
Hugs
Lulu

LaTeeDa

Well, I don't think controlling emotions is a realistic goal. We can only control how we react to them. Sometimes, you just have to recognize them and let them pass (they do). In the process, they come to control your thoughts and actions less and less. Also, sometimes an emotion will lead us to certain thoughts (which we can control), which in turn leads us to more emotions (which are difficult or impossible to control). So, the key is, again, to control your reaction.

L

barb dwyer

We are not our thoughts.

We are the THINKER ... of our thoughts.

Emotions... are not actions.

Emotions come in waves just like the ocean
which is why so many native ancient cultures
equated emotions with the element water.

Thoughts are more like air ...
and they just kinda 'blow through' and then are gone.

i mean -
how many times have you gone into the kitchen...
then stood in the middle of the floor
wondering what it was you went in there for?

I think you'd benefit
from learning meditation.

You can learn most of the technique
by reading about it online.

It's worth a shot, huh?

FindingPeace1

This is a great question.
I have wondered this, too.
Where I am at now is you can control your thoughts. You can control your actions. You can't control your emotions (and it actually hurts you to do so).
Like Barb said, meditation is a great help in the letting go. If you google Vipassana meditation you will find a non profit that offers 10 day courses for free on how to do it. I did one and it rocked my world!
If you google (you tube has a bunch of stuff) on Louise Hay, she talks about changing your thoughts (Wayne Dyer on you tube, too).

For me, I have found I am afraid of my emotions. I am afraid if I allow myself to feel sad or mad (although I already AM feeling that way!) I am afraid I will drown in it. Like I will never come out. Or I will become a negative person.

My experience is, if I allow myself to feel it (it takes courage), it's not that bad. The allowing eases the tension in me. It makes me feel that precious feeling of self-acceptance. And the best part is, it allows the feeling to pass through and not get stuck.

Like Barb said about emotions being waves of energy...if we try to block the energy, it gets all balled up in us like water before a dam. If we allow it and observe it, it can flow on through.

Hugs,
Peace

Learn2Live

Yes, I have. I started this practice many years ago with just the Serenity Prayer. This is also very much what happens when you are flipping out about something and go talk to a friend who gives you a different perspective about your situation, and you feel better as a result of talking to them. When you change your automatic thoughts (internal reactions) you can control your emotions.

For instance, if you have a "victim mentality" then you think you are at the mercy of everyone else, that you have no control over what happens. People like this often get their feelings hurt a lot. When you change your thinking from an EXTERNAL locus of control, to an INTERNAL locus of control, you stop seeing yourself as the victim, you start taking responsibility and control over your own life, and things people do and say hurt your feelings less and less.

Good for you for figuring this out. I recommend going to the library and getting any book by Brian Tracy. He is the master at "change your thinking, change your life."

NoelleR

I see myself as more in line with the 17th century rationalists like Baruch Spinoza, Gottfried Leibniz, and René Descartes. You know, as the ole latin saying goes....: "Cogito ergo sum" --- or in French.....: "Je pense, donc je suis" --- and for us linguistically challenged Americans with only a dab of English.....: "I think, therefore I am."

I'm sort of in line with LaTeeDa, in that, we perhaps cannot control emotions (although, perhaps we can), but we can definitely control our reactions to them.

I'm a firm believer in that the ONLY thing I can change is my thinking. I know we hear from a lot of AAer's that they needed to 'act their way to right thinking' which I see as total hooey; I mean, I've never had an action that wasn't preceded by a thought.

Over the years I've changed, and worked on, my thinking, and today I'm a pretty laid back, serene person (at least, most of the time), and my emotions don't seem to be on that ole roller coaster of long ago days.....BUT like anything worthwhile, it takes practice...lots and lots of practice.....

I wish I could come up with some examples, or exercises, for changing one's thinking, but I can't seem to think (sic) of a one.....lots of positive affirmations are always a good thing for me to focus on -- plz note I'm not saying to say positive things to make them true, but to say positive things that are true to remind myself and to get and stay in a more positive frame of mind.............


(o:
NoelleR

P.S. whoa, sorry L2L, my thinking must have totally blinded me to your post....very very good.....!

Duped

I would have to imagine that it is almost like OCD. I wonder if some of the exercises that sufferers of OCD practice would be handy.

Instrusive thoughts are like a cloud. They pass by and dissipate. You kind of have to watch the cloud float on by I suppose.

BuffaloGal

I view it like this: I can't control what houses are on my street, but I can control which ones I go visit. Thoughts are the same way. They're there, and you can't do anything about that, but you can practice not giving them any extra time and energy.

coffeedrinker

"fake it til you make it" or "act as if" might be helpful. we have to retrain ourselves.

iloveme

Man, phewwww what a great post......

So, for me this works:

Take a moment and just hear what you are thinking/saying. Ask yourself if it is/will be beneficial in anyway, if it is motivated by other reasons than the obvious and pause again.

Self restraint is not hard anymore because lets face it we are sober!!!


Garbage goes in, garbage comes out. I tend to dabble in areas of positive thinking, gratifying, hopeful wise and just plain good people and spaces. Clean up your own sidewalk AND let go..


This needs to happen over and over for a while before it becomes a habit (atleast for me) and just like weight lifting in the beginning it can be unbearable! But it did/does get better

wuzzled

Thoughts invade my mind, mostly thoughts of disaster on the horizon. I can't seem to control the thoughts, and I bury the emotions. The emotions eventually come, full force, when the dam breaks, after all it can only handle so much pressure. I liken it to be more like a volcanic eruption!

The Serenity Prayer is what I rely on the most, at least for now. It is still very hard to remove the negative thoughts from my head.

I have to believe that my Higher Power is there for me, and whatever His plan for me is, will be. I don't know what that is and will have to wait for it to unfold. Sometimes, though, I wish He'd hurry up!

Even so, controlling thoughts, and not allowing them to control me is truly difficult.

Learn2Live

Maybe this sounds silly but when anxiety or panic overwhelm me and I cannot refocus my thoughts in order to calm myself, reading the story of David and Goliath in the Bible really helps me. Psalms too. Sounds weird, I know, but thought I'd share anyway.