desesperada

So AH made it through the weekend with out 1 drink. I'm so proud of him. Today will be 7 days sober. We went to a birthday party this weekend where I think we may have been the only people not drinking. We really debated on whether or not to even go. We both thought it may be too much temptation. He went prepared, and bought like 3 Red Bull (which I'm not really sure are all that healthy for him) and drank those and some punch. For him it's mainly a social thing so I think as long as he was drinking something he didn't feel like he was really left out. I kept watching him out of the corner of my eye, which I've learned from this forum that it doesn't help and I kept reminding myself that if he's going to drink he's going to do it whether I'm checking up on him or not. I'm just so proud of him though. After the party when we were going to be I let him know that I know it was probably hard, but that I loved him and that I am proud of him. He said " it is very difficult for an alcoholic to stand there and watch everyone else get drunk". That's the first time I've ever actually heard him call himself an alcoholic.
I know that I can't change him and I'm accepting that more and more. I do want to be a support system for thim though. I know this was only one weekend, and next weekend may be another story, but for now it's a step in the right direction.

barb dwyer

Good for you D -

I didn't catch you first posts here, so
I'd like to welcome you to SR!

stella27

Hey desesperada,

I hope he stays sober. So in the meantime, what's going on with YOU?

jabber

my AH is on day 7 too (of his second 90/90. he finished his first and thought he was 'fixed' so tried controlled drinking. didn't work - he learned a lot in that first 90/90 and made huge progress, hoping this time he learns he can't do controlled drinking...).

We also went to a party with friends who know what he is going through, but do drink. It went well. We even managed to deal with some hurt feelings I had on Sunday, and instead of drinking, getting angry and isolating, he got out his big book and read for a while, then he apologized, we discussed things calmly and moved on. That is progress in my book!

Good luck to YOU and yours.

KittyP

Hi, funny coincidence but my AH was on day 7 yesterday too, I'm actually finding it really really strange. He seems to be in a pretty good place emotionally, is seeing a doctor, a psychiatrist, doing phone sessions with a psychologist and attending AA. The AA attendance is a huge turn around as he has always hated AA and used to be in a foul mood after going to meetings. Now he's coming out positive and energised, he keeps telling me about the really profound things others have said to him. (Things I've been saying for years, of course, but at least something is finally getting through to him. )

He's being really open and honest with people, we are currently only seeing friends and family who know what's going on and won't drink around him. And he's telling more people as he goes on. Before he used to feel extremely embarrassed and ashamed around people who know, but now he's taking it in his stride and even making reference to it in conversation. We've made some pretty huge changes to our life and are aiming to live a less stressful life. We just moved to a small cottage by a river with lots of green around and I've just fixed up our bike so he can cycle to work on nice days.

I'm trying hard to go with the flow and let what happens, happen. Though I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster. I was really blue for a lot of yesterday, but today I'm feeling better. It's his birthday tomorrow, so I'm booking a haircut and waxing. I have done almost nothing for me in a long time so I'm really looking forward to getting my haircut, it's especially nice that I can pretend it's for his benefit.