The abuse is so bad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Reading PA
Posts: 46
The abuse is so bad
I have broken up with my ex alcoholic financee last fall. In the meantime he did get fired from his job, got two DWIs and kicked out of his Mom's house. The problem he still constantly is harrassing me going from sweet as can be to verbally abusive monster in one day. The verbal abuse is horrenduous--he is telling me his AA friends are blaming me for his non recovery. He swears is in recovery going to an outpatient program once a week and meetings. He is living with a AA friend at the moment. His trial for his first DWI offense is Tuesday. I did suspend the phone that I was paying for but he still IM me to my phone and to my work email. He goes from I love more then life itself to I am the worse most horrible B---ch in the world.
Do alcoholics start to go crazy after a while from drinking. I really think he has lost his mind completely and not sure why I am to blame. Would his AA friends really blame me? It makes me feel really awful and for my sanity I just need to cut off contact however I cannot block him from my work email or my phone.
Help!!!
Do alcoholics start to go crazy after a while from drinking. I really think he has lost his mind completely and not sure why I am to blame. Would his AA friends really blame me? It makes me feel really awful and for my sanity I just need to cut off contact however I cannot block him from my work email or my phone.
Help!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
It is a certainty that alcohol is extremely damaging to the functioning of the brain over time. It varies from person to person as far as time....to diagnose him "crazy", I'm not crazy about that term...but his thinking is most likely severely abnormal.
It seems that many A's when going on their blaming rampage will say things to manipulate you into thinking that you are to blame and everything is your fault.... I have seen it when they will actually create a false situation in order to make themselves look like the victim. I doubt his AA friends would blame you...this is something they he most likely says to you to make you feel as if you are at fault in some way.
Trust and know yourself, nothing that he says or does can change what the TRUTH is. You have to be secure in that.
I struggle with that too sometimes.
As far as your work phone or email--- does your company have an HR and security dept? Most do, and honestly you may need to approach them. They should have no problem in supplying you with a new phone and number and new email.
It seems that many A's when going on their blaming rampage will say things to manipulate you into thinking that you are to blame and everything is your fault.... I have seen it when they will actually create a false situation in order to make themselves look like the victim. I doubt his AA friends would blame you...this is something they he most likely says to you to make you feel as if you are at fault in some way.
Trust and know yourself, nothing that he says or does can change what the TRUTH is. You have to be secure in that.
I struggle with that too sometimes.
As far as your work phone or email--- does your company have an HR and security dept? Most do, and honestly you may need to approach them. They should have no problem in supplying you with a new phone and number and new email.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: uk
Posts: 464
many alcoholics wanting serious change..trapped in a drinking situation can end up seeing there partner as the enemy..as well as there other sinister habitual self...that keeps on thrusting them down this dark dangerous alleyway...trying to change in these said circumstances can seem like having to battle 2 fronts at once....hard work!!..best of luck to all...it hurts a little knowing your doing the right thing...it hurts a heck of a lot more doing the wrong thing!!
the positive outlook is soon to follow..
the positive outlook is soon to follow.. Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Oh yes, quite normal for some alcoholics. My AH tells some people that I am in desperate need of help (his help of course) in an attempt to locate me, yet tells the judge that he is totally unable to support himself and that I am totally able to support him.
Not one of those things is true.
Not one of those things is true.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
wow, you broke it off last fall? that's a really long time for you two to still be engaging.
if i were you, i would try and figure out how to not talk to him, ever. he knows your number, so, get a new one? email's easy: send a mass email to everyone with your new address. phone's more inconvenient, but you can not take calls that you don't recognize, and not respond to his messages. really, whether he's being loving, or nasty, you still don't want to be talking to him! you broke up for a reason.
the blame thing: the only time mine was blaming me (talking to HIS friends, "messing everything up", being a b*tch) was WHEN he was using. two different men, but that is my experience. there is no way that the aa people think YOU are to blame for his failings, his lack of sobriety, etc. in aa they teach that you and only you are responsible for your drinking, and related behaviors. plain and simple.
oh, and i would not believe a syllable of a word he says.
if i were you, i would try and figure out how to not talk to him, ever. he knows your number, so, get a new one? email's easy: send a mass email to everyone with your new address. phone's more inconvenient, but you can not take calls that you don't recognize, and not respond to his messages. really, whether he's being loving, or nasty, you still don't want to be talking to him! you broke up for a reason.
the blame thing: the only time mine was blaming me (talking to HIS friends, "messing everything up", being a b*tch) was WHEN he was using. two different men, but that is my experience. there is no way that the aa people think YOU are to blame for his failings, his lack of sobriety, etc. in aa they teach that you and only you are responsible for your drinking, and related behaviors. plain and simple.
oh, and i would not believe a syllable of a word he says.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
Do the two of you have any children together? If not, there is no reason for you to be communicating with him at all. You may not be able to block him from your work phone or email, but that doesn't mean you have to read the emails or talk to him on the phone once you know it's him. A simple hangup or deleting of the unread email will keep you from hearing or reading his abuse.
Even if you do have a child together, you still do not have to put up with that and can simply end the conversation if it trails off into areas not about the child.
You don't have to put up with this, but you are the only one who can put an end to it.
Even if you do have a child together, you still do not have to put up with that and can simply end the conversation if it trails off into areas not about the child.
You don't have to put up with this, but you are the only one who can put an end to it.
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