KeepPedaling

I've made a new friend. He came over to my house for the first time tonight. He stayed for hours. We sat on the couch, listened to music, told stories, hung out. There's something so UNalarming about him. We had a laptop and he sank into the couch really close to me, all cozy and relaxed. He didn't try anything or do anything, he just talked and laughed and relaxed with me. I feel more comfortable around him than a lot of the people I've known for years.

It was really nice. When he left though, I missed my x. I really didn't feeling like going to bed alone. I'm not saying I'm in the mood for some mischief. I just really miss the cuddly sleepy time. You know?

Warning signs? He's not making a lot of money, but has a job. Mentioned how he needed someone like me to "help" him (do better careerwise). Possibly drinks too much, but I haven't seen that yet.

Patterns, patterns, I really need to pay attention to patterns.

coffeedrinker

oh, kp, sounds really nice. and scary.

i am going to start dating. i don't want another relationship - now for sure, maybe never - but i do want male company, i want to feel like interacting with not only girlfriends, but men, on a "dating" level. but i'm scared to death of the possibility that one day i will meet someone, start to fall for him, only to discover that he's an a.

i also think your "addict radar" is stronger than you realize. yep, pay attention.

Pelican

What was your response when he said he needed someone like you to help him?

Ceres

"Mentioned how he needed someone like me to "help" him (do better careerwise)." STOP, he's a "missing peice". You're just learning how to be a Big "O". Whose not missing anything. :bounce

wicked

Well said Alizerin!


KeepPedaling,
:ghug3

tpen

I agree also on that comment. Try a few more encounters, but remember that statement - missing piece.

Good for you to get out there - just keep it simple.

NYC_Chick

I have to say this is probably not a good idea. Jmho. I don't mean to be harsh, but I am continually amazed at people dating immediately after, or while still posting how hurt they are and how much they miss their ex. Ok, so this guy has issues. Looking for comfort in another man at this point will only prolong your recovery. Also, even if he is damaged, he is still human. You did not like being jerked around by your xabf, what makes you think someone else would like to be used? I had to think very hard about this before entering into another relationship. I was not ready until I was whole on my own. Hugs! Keep working on you!

KeepPedaling

I really like this question. I really noticed when he said it (which I'm glad for). It made me feel nervous and a little scared for myself.

KeepPedaling

It wasn't a date. We both have common goals and skill set (professionally), so we've hung out a few times and might do some work together. This visit was supposed to be about that. I think what I noticed this time is that I REALLY enjoy his company, which is SO GREAT. It's fun and it takes away that scary feeling that I'll never fall in love again. I mean, I really feel peaceful around this new friend, and I think he's cute too (which is also fun and nice). But I totally agree, I should not be dating right now. I'm not over my xabf yet, and won't be starting something new at this point.

KeepPedaling

I don't understand this. Feeling a little slow because everyone else gets it. Could you please explain? Missing piece?

Thanks!

coffeedrinker

you would have had to see Alizeren's post:

The Missing Piece Meets the Big O

KeepPedaling

That's cute!

tigger11

I've had the experience you mentioned of going on a date, and when it's over, really missing my STBXAH. It sucks and is stupid, and I hate it!

KeepPedaling

I feel a lot of times like there's this assumption that all of the women in this forum feel like they NEED to be with someone else (always in a relationship; fear of being single). For the record, I'm someone who has spent more time single than as a girlfriend. I LIKE being single. I'm perfectly comfortable in my own skin. That I was starting to NOT feel that way is why I left my xabf. I don't think I ever lost myself, but I was in danger of that by being in a relationship with an active A.

I think that's my biggest worry, that I'm not super compelled to be with someone. I do worry about that. Like I'm too cynical or something. That's why hanging out with my new friend is nice, because I feel like "Ok, I could see wanting to be in a committed relationship again." That is such a nice feeling for me because it's so rare. Mostly I'm indifferent and I was worried that my xabf kinda solidified that for me. Does that make sense?

Can I just say, it's SUCH a nice day out! My girlfriend is coming over. We're going out to lunch. What a great day to walk around the city in the sunshine!