Bucyn

As I said on the other thread, I am so happy I don't have my A in my life anymore. It's like life is showering all the blessings it withheld during the marriage.

A lot of people say they are glad they left, life is better, they have no idea how they endure the hell that was a relationship with an A.

Is there anyone who left (and who's been gone a good while, six months, a year, enough time to establish a new, independent life), and who's been sorry?

If so, why do you regret breaking up?

Kittyboo

Thinking about the "good" things about my XA, the things that I miss have done nothing but made me question losing him in my life and then I feel a sense of pain and loss.
I quickly remind myself that there is no loss, he treated me like crap, and at this point I can't even fathom coming up with reasons that I "regret losing him"....
he doesn't even deserve that thought from me.

Sorry- i'm a little sensitive right now, packing, leaving the past behind me, so I have no desire to be sorry for leaving any of it behind.

HUGS to you Bucyn :ghug3

Bucyn

Are there any of those 'good' things things you can't have with someone else? The good things are still out there waiting for you, and with someone who means them.

I think we all miss the good things and worry we'll never have them again, but we do. It's getting so I don't even remember there were good times. Good times for me are now, and that's how it will be for you

It's a sad time when you are packing, but it sounds like you have your head on your shoulders and are doing the right thing. Lots of hugs for YOU.

Still Waters

Not a bit sorry. But, my AH continues to abuse me in any way he can find, from afar.

So it's not like I've been sitting around thinking about all the good times you know?

posiesperson

Well, it's been far, far less than 6 months or a year for me, Bucyn, but I can say that already I'm happier, less tired, more centered, etc. That doesn't mean I'm not sad and grieving at times but every day is easier and I don't ever want to go back into that crap. Ever. I'd be much better off being alone for the rest of my life before ever giving myself up like that again. Ugh.

Now I get to make it about me a whole lot more of the time. Two wonderful kids and a cat (and a dog that I soon hope to get) doesn't really make it "all about me" but at least the furbabies won't talk back...

I'll never be sorry for taking this time for myself, no matter what lies ahead--I've needed this time for my own healing process.

Hugs,
posie

newlife24

yeah I agree w posies. I needed this time for myself and now I can be a little selfish. Im doing things that I want to do that I never got to do w/ him because he was too lazy.
Its a good time to think about me and what I want out of life.
I try not to live w/ regrets. I know I would have regretted staying with him more.

KeepPedaling

It hasn't been THAT long for me, but I'm so glad I left.

lulu1974

I can only say its been about 2 months but I can not wait till the day I no longer think about him. But yes I am happier. Just sad about what an unreasonable baby he was. I hate him for that one. Grow up already I want to say..
But I do notice I went thru hell missing him and then it gets better every week..

newlife24

lulu its been the same amount of time for me. Its getting a little bit easier. how long were you guys together?

tpen

I left and feel sorry. I think everyone here knows that too. However, I'm listening and being strong to not give in. I think I feel sorry more that I failed to help her, or overreacted. Time will tell.

Thumper

Only about 6 mos here.

I am not sorry. Not one tiny itty bitty bit sorry.

I pray frequently for my xah to find recovery. I pray it for him and for his kids. I sincerely hope we can have an 'easy and friendly' co-parenting relationship some day.

If he became the man I always thought/wanted/hoped he'd be. If he recovered and worked his program to the fullest possible extent. I still would not be sorry. It would not erase the past and the past is now my history. I do not think there is enough recovery or counseling in the world for me to put my eggs in that basket again.

lulu1974

married 3 years, total together 10 years. he wasnt always a full fledged A..just in the last 2 years..apparently marriage was too stressful for him. lol. since he blames me

Ceres

Nope.

Gold

Nope. not sorry here.
relieved Yes,
Happier Yes,
Better off financially Yes
Less steressed and sleeping better Yes
Can concentrate on work now Yes
Reconnected with some old girlfriends Yes
Happier kids Yes
At times a bit sad and miss the good parts .Yes
But
I know it was the right thing for me even though it was damn hard
It has only been about 6 weeks but feels a lot longer in a good way.

tpen

Guess I'm the odd one out on this. Geez........maybe time will change my answer.

IamSaved

Nope, not sorry for one moment!
I am happier, healthier, centered, joyful and peaceful! I had NONE of those things when I had the A in my life.

It was hard at first, but the longer we went NC, the easier it got! I can't imagine going back into the swirling vortex of abuse, anger, resentment, pain and heartache! It doesn't mean I don't pray for him, and wish him to find salvation. But I no longer feel responsible for HIS recovery. He has the right to live his life any way he chooses. He chose booze. I accept that!

I've moved on, and he is free to do whatever and whoever he wants. It never was my responsibility to begin with. Once I learned that, I could let go with love. Amazing!

Carol Star

Sad but not sorry......I hear myself laugh now and remember when I didn't laugh. No worries about future consequences of what's gonna happen next?..Finanicially more stable . No worries of legal stuff anymore. No beers opening every 8 minutes......no pot growing in my closets......no pill abuse, porn, or verbal abuse going on in this new house. Just a 30 yr. old bird, two cats and me and serenity. Looking forward to the Lois Wilson story tomorrow night 9pm CBS. Thanks Lois.

Learn2Live

I truly "left," turned away and never turned back, in August 1998. So, we're going on 12 years? I have NEVER regretted it for a single moment. My life is a thousand times better than I could have even DREAMED of when I left--because I made major changes and CONTINUE TO make major changes, to improve my life. I always have the next goal ahead of me. He has not changed one bit. He is still miserable, negative, finger-pointing, blaming, whoa-is-me, "there's a dark cloud following me around," unstable, moves house often, etc. As for the memories, you make new ones: bigger, better, brighter, healthier, happier ones. Soon, you won't even REMEMBER how all of this felt, unless you repeat it that is. Of course, you have to work on yourself and your life. You cannot expect ANYONE to make you happy, or bring you a happy life, except YOURSELF. You gotta' do the work on YOU. But it is SO worth it. Realizing positive things in your life BRINGS you MORE positive things. Keeping negative only breeds more negative.

MeHandle

I read a story on a different posting once, the only one i have ever read where she regretted divorcing and said she would have been happy if she stayed . She regretted it to the point where she told other people to really consider before they left because of others saying it would be better to leave or thinking yourself it is greener on the other side. So there is at least one out there.

Kittyboo

I can honestly sit here this morning and say, that when the thought crosses my mind that I regret him not being in my life, it's because I am feeling super lonely and also feeling that I will never find anyone else.
If those are the reasons why I miss him....that says A LOT.