Lotus2009

I wanted to post a little update, since I haven't posted much lately. I'm still living at my friends house... left AH a month ago, but I almost slipped this week. I think AH has been drinking for most of the month (and started smoking weed again). There has been some contact, but not too much.

I went over to talk to him about tax stuff on Tuesday. He told me he had Thursday off and wanted to go to a treatment center... we talked for a bit and he said he really wants to quit drinking, but he needs my support. He said he misses me and wants me to move back at the beginning of next month and that he thinks it would help him stay sober, if I moved back in with him, because otherwise he would be by himself and would start making up excuses for why he needs to drink. It almost worked! I told him that it wouldn't be easy for me and talked about all my issues and then agreed to move back. I thought if it would help him, maybe I can figure out a way to heal there. I thought it over afterwards, talked to my friend, and realized that if I moved back I'd be putting my needs aside (again) to satisfy his. I'm not ready to move back yet... the thought alone caused me anxiety... I know it wouldn't be good for me. So, I went back today and told him I couldn't move back yet - he'd have to show me first that he'll follow through this time - he'd have to show me that he can stay sober. I told him I would be happy to support him (meet up with him, talk), be there for him as a friend (from a safe distance) and then see if we can slowly start rebuilding what's been broken. He said that's only fair and then wanted to know if I'll help him with his rent, because he can't afford it (no way! I don't have the money to pay rent for two apts.). BTW, he didn't go to the treatment center today, and had a great excuse of course - he had called and left a voicemail but they never got back - hm... maybe, but then you just call again or take your a$$ over there on your day off (today!) - anyways, I just responded with an "ok" ... not worth engaging in his quacking.

At this point I don't know if he'll actually go to treatment or stay sober - I've heard him say it too many times... I hope he does, but I'm not holding my breath anymore. All I know is that I'll be ok - I commited to staying at my friends (as her roomate paying rent, etc.) for at least another 2 months. I'm glad I told AH today that I'm not moving back in yet - it didn't feel right to move back! Phew, I almost slipped!!!

Redheadsusie

Stay Strong - Take Care and Heal Yourself. He has to follow his own path for himself whether you are there or not. I almost slipped too - but did not (pat pat). My Ah and I have been spilt for 2 weeks and I miss and worry about him still but am trying to take care of me now and fix my issues because I have lots from this crazy situation I have been living in. Know many are thinking of you and sending supporting loving thoughts!

HRB

Lotus it's good to hear that people are standing strong. I just told my ABF (is that right? I'm new) that I was moving out if he didn't get into a progam. He won't so I am moving. Thank you both for showing me that I can move forward.

freefalling

I'm not ready to move back yet... the thought alone caused me anxiety... I know it wouldn't be good for me. So, I went back today and told him I couldn't move back yet -

Wow Lotus. i see a lot of growth . A lot!!! Listen to your gut. Listen closely. You know your answer already.

posiesperson

Good for you, Lotus! Amazing how you recognized the "quacking". It took me a heck of a long time to recognize that, and your post is inspiring. You sound strong and moving forward--cheering for you!

posie