Redheadsusie

I feel horrible for him . He came down tonight to pick up a phone accessory and just started crying when we spoke. Broke down. He is clinically depressed but has never stayed on meds- his family has a history of suicide and he has tried it before years before we met. He went on several antidepressants before - tried it 3 days or so and then quit. I had to hug him and comfort him- how can you not with someone who is so sick - not specifically only with alcohol but with depression and mental illness. I told him he deserved to be happy - he needed help and he cried and agreed some meds might be good. I am not going to lose my compassion and empathy for others no matter what I am dealing with on my end. I can take care of myself and I know that. I really don't think he can because of the depression . I feel horribly sorry for him hating himself so much - Is it the alcohol or is the alcohol what he does to self medicate his hatred for himself- obviously I know it is a depressant so DUH but God how sad. I did no invite him back home - Did not give him false hope - but told him he deserves happiness and people love him - which they do.

That is all I can do. I have turned this over to HP- I want him to be ok but it is not up to me. I pray for him a lot and his healing. I can only take care of myself.

suki44883

Good for you! Stay strong.

Kittyboo

Redheadsusie-
I TOTALLY get exactly what you are saying.

My XA suffers from combat ptsd and has talked about suicide in the past, though never tried it, and swore he never would.
But it is a mental illness that depression goes hand in hand with. Though he drank before the war, he deals with the symptoms by self-medicating with alcohol. He would tell me that its how he is able to fall asleep. Unfortunately he thinks that if he drinks to sleep, nightmares are rare.

Unfortunately when dealing with a mental illness, alcohol is the worst thing you can do. It is a misconception that it supresses anything, it is a misconception to them that it helps them cope. It actually can increase the effects of certain mental illnesses.

It is the one thing he dealt with that I would not wish for anyone. Also something ultimately I knew I had no influence over. Nothing, nothing will stop him from being able to drink alcohol.
Besides the hurt I feel, I too want him to be ok. Thinking about this reminds me of the compassion I had. Difference in me now is that I won't sacrifice my needs for his or anyone else's ever again. I too pray that they somehow find their way.

HUGS

wicked

Redheadsusie,

I hope he finds some help soon. I guess you already know that antidepressants don't work in three days, and they won't work while medicating with alcohol.
I am a recovering alcoholic with a major depressive disorder, chronic, treatment resistant. I found recovery from alcohol, then recovery from depression. It can be done.
But, it sounds like you know too that he has to do it himself.
Beth

Freedom1990

The worst thing someone can do for me, regardless of my circumstances, is feel sorry for me.

There is a huge difference between pity and empathy/compassion.

I have had clinical depression most of my adult life.

I have had periods in my recovery over the years where I was having suicidal thoughts.

Each time I got myself back into therapy, and I do not mess around with my medications.

There are resources out there for my mental health, and I use those resources.

Your AH is an adult. He makes the choice not to take his medications as prescribed.

He makes the choice to continue drinking. Help abounds in this world for alcoholism.

Continue to take care of yourself and your recovery, okay? :ghug3

RollTide

Kittyboo said my thoughts EXACTLY.
"Difference in me now is that I won't sacrifice my needs for his or anyone else's ever again"

mishaco1

Redheadsusie,
Thank you! You are not alone. My AXBF has anxiety issues, depression, possible bi-polar, refuses to stay on meds and drinks to medicate (or medicates and drinks...doesn't matter).
You being strong inspires me to keep doing the same so, thank you!
M

Jadmack25

There is no anti-depressant that works in 3 days, maybe something new since I was in practice that starts to kick in around 14 days, but most take 1 to 2 months to really begin to work.

You are a strong and compassionate woman Red, and no I couldn't give him the flick either, but....he has the problem and he knows the action to take to help ease it.

If he doesn't want to take that action, so be it.....he stays a miserable drunk.....and that is his choice, his responsibility.

Your choices, praise God, have been to bring you and your kids your lives back.....back from the unhappy ones with this man who wants to control, but be uncontrolled himself.

I pray for the best of blessings on him, and for you also.

God bless

sesh

Hi, just wanted to say I know the feeling. My AH suffers from combat PTSP, and I feel very sorry for him too, and I also know I can't help him. And it's hard, but I'm doing good at accepting it all.
Just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Insulated

Have you suggested to him a dual diagnosis program inpatient?

Redheadsusie

Thank you for your notes Ladies. You are awesome. Insulated - I have recommended something like that but he is not ready to deal with any of it it seems. I am hopeful he will one day- In the meantime - I will work on my issues and concentrate on me my kids and my dogs and my house and job. Sounds like plenty !