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Stalker-Like Behavior....Umm..

Old 04-20-2010, 08:10 PM
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Stalker-Like Behavior....Umm..

I noticed a few other F&F members posting about this and I meant to post something about it a while ago..

Today was another day with by XABF sitting outside the building we both are in....Sure, he's a smoker and smokes in between classes. Sure, he's entitled to sit wherever he chooses on campus. Sure, his classes are primarily in the same building as me. Sure, it's natural we would bump into each other from time to time based on these circumstances....

Last year when I was still very much more involved, I was upset with him and didn't communicate with him or really say hi. I ran into him one day, he knew I was upset and said hi with a smile that said talk to me? i said an un-enthused hi and pretty much from that day forward, he would be outside at that time.....i wouldn't look at him, and tried to move on...which I did for awhile. Dated other people yada yada you know the story. Got sucked back in for numerous reasons on my part. Fast forward some both good and bad times...currently doing a darn good job of moving forward regardless of his choices...

He's still doing this thing were he seems to know my schedule. Its really strange. I know I'm not supposed to be in anyone's head, but why does he do that? In some ways I enjoy it by now because its really the only form of communication we have. I even find myself disappointed if he's not there at the usual time. It's creepy in a way, but it kind of shows me he cares. He supposedly has PTSD and social anxiety so I think its sort of like a manifestation of that...

Last week he was most likely out drinking with a classmate at nearby bar and we ran into each other and I could hear him saying to his friend

"watch this girl ignore me....and there it is"

Later I walked back into the building and he and this other guy were smoking or w.e and he screamed "that is so rude!" since I wouldn't look at him. I was meeting a model (my cousin) for a fitting and she had never been to campus before so I was kind of focused on her and busy, but I did blatantly ignore him....but its like what can be said that I haven't already said??!!!

He could be high out of his mind and just want to watch me walk by...which he admitted to doing...just "enjoying" watching me walk...
But I just don't understand what is up with this stalker-like behavior. I guess I already know the answer- they are irrational, but its so weird and I'm so used to it by now that I forget how unusual it is. Its like he's waiting for me to approach him or something. Standing outside a building is not apology. And I told him that last time. Why does he seem to think that it is an effective way of communicating?

Does anyone have any experience with this? He's not like out to hurt me or something along those lines...its creepy, but he's kind of just REALLY socially retarded for many reasons.

JUst intellectually, I don't understand what the point is for him. And I may never, I guess. I either walk the other way or pretend he's not there. Which makes me feel so awful to have to do that to someone. Is that okay? I don't know how to go about it/feel. I know it bothers him that I do that, but like I said. There is nothing I can say I get overwhelmed with emotions most of the time that even if I wanted to, I probably wouldn't be able to say nething neway.
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Old 04-20-2010, 08:13 PM
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He's just messing with you, trying to unnerve you. Do your best to ignore him. After awhile, when he continually gets no reaction, he'll probably lose interest and move on.
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Old 04-20-2010, 08:16 PM
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haha. the [email protected]
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Old 04-20-2010, 08:18 PM
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I know I'm not supposed to be in anyone's head, but why does he do that? In some ways I enjoy it by now because its really the only form of communication we have. I even find myself disappointed if he's not there at the usual time. It's creepy in a way, but it kind of shows me he cares.

That's why he does it.

Granted I don't know your whole history, and it's easy to assume why he may do it just based on the similar behavior that is displayed. My XA had Ptsd as well, and stalking is not a behavior that comes from ptsd. If that's what I am understanding you mean.

It seems this is a way for him to keep you tied to him.

Then there is the other side too, that he's not doing it intentionally at all, and you are still trying yourself to him.
I would ask yourself why you are putting so much thought into why he is possibly doing this.
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Old 04-20-2010, 08:19 PM
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o yeah he texted me after that little incident "just for the record, you're kind of mean and rude"

lmao....he's setting me up to look like the bad guy so he doesn't have to feel like its him. moron. he really needs to grow up.
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Old 04-20-2010, 08:22 PM
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You should block him on your phone so he can't text or call you. Reading his texts is engaging and keeps the dance going.
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Old 04-20-2010, 08:26 PM
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he doesn't even have classes until 1:30 and he's there at 11, nearly every single Tuesday and Thursday.....it just doesn't make sense and I feel like I'm crazy sometimes like...omg is that him? I have to like watch where I'm going because he's always f.ing there! Its 100% in no way coincidental/wishful thinking. He's admitted to enjoying it. Definitely not ptsd, but perhaps a weird social problem of some sort idk...

but yeah. I don't care as much as I used to about it, now its kind of joke with classmates and I'm used to it. Just thought about it today since it happen and the incident last week. It gets to me less and less, but its definitely become a thing. I was just looking for insight/experiences. So thanks
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Old 04-20-2010, 08:28 PM
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As long as you dance, he'll keep pulling the strings.
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Old 04-20-2010, 08:30 PM
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Ur always right. Why be a string puller? God talking about just gets me triggered. I really do better not talking about it all. Lol.
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Old 04-20-2010, 08:32 PM
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in my experience, it seems they feel that any attention is better than no attention... If they can get a response out of you for anything, at least it's a response.

When my birds are screaming at me from the other room because they want attention, I can't go in there, no matter what. Even if I were to go in and scream at them to shut up (negative reaction), all they see it as is a reaction, an ackowledgement. "I scream and she comes in... no matter what happens after she comes in, I scream and she comes in" Its a very juvenille tactic... like a kid throwing a tantrum to get what they want. As long as they see they are getting to you in any way, they will continue to do it. And the more you respond, the worse it will get, and the longer it will take for it to stop.
Keep up the good work of no contact. Don't let him get to you, no matter what he says. None of it is true, you aren't rude, or any other names that he calls you. You are moving on, and it scares him to death, so he is grasping at straws.
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Old 04-20-2010, 08:34 PM
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of course it's so easy for me to say these things.... i reacted so bad the last time my XABF showed up at my house. It's nice to see that I'm not alone....
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Old 04-20-2010, 08:42 PM
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thanks that's just what I needed to hear! I always related to the kid tantrum analogy (I'm a nanny), but never looked at this that way. I feel bad. Its clearly the only way he knows how to get attention - in socially deviant ways. I can't imagine what happens to people in order to act out in such ways... A sign a of abuse....Poor guy. And I say this not like he shouldn't be held accountable. It feels more like I am shaking my head poor guy thinks this will work to get me, and move on.
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