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Feeling super discouraged

Old 04-20-2010, 06:57 AM
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Feeling super discouraged

...It's just one of them days, SR friends.

I'm super down and very blue today, at the prospect of continuing to have AH in my life, and in DD's life. In the past few days, I let myself get carried away with the wish that he would just disappear from our lives, so that DD wouldn't have to grow up to be an ACOA, so that I wouldn't have to coparent with this..."man", but I know that in all likelihood, he will stick around because he's too lazy to move back to Ontario. Unless *someone*--as in his next enabler, organizes and funds the move for him, he'll be staying here in Quebec, complaining for all he's worth, poisoning our lives as much as possible. I'd like to be positive and believe that he'll change and become the father DD deserves, but I also know that wishful thinking is useless and detrimental. Life is what it is.

Normally, I'd just be going with the flow, reminding myself that it's all in HP's hands and that I'm just here to learn. This morning though, after several months of struggling with migraine after migraine, trying all kinds of different medications, chiro treatments, change in my diet, change in my sleep schedule, relaxation, naturopathy and finding that once again, I'm battling another migraine, I'm just. so. tired. I don't know if the pain is attributable to the stress I'm dealing with regard AH, the change in season, the return of my period or WHAT, but I can honestly say that today, I need a hug because I can't stop tearing up.

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Old 04-20-2010, 07:01 AM
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Today will be a test or trial, but as HP says "count it all joy the trials you face". Understand and accept that today will be tears, fears, etc. Continue to post and reach out for support. We will be there for you and get you through today. HP is always there too.
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Old 04-20-2010, 07:12 AM
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:ghug3

Sometimes, days like that just happen. Ride it out - this too will pass. Have as many cyber hugs as I can give you!! (((noday)))

:ghug3
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Old 04-20-2010, 07:20 AM
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((((((hugs)))))) nodaybut2day. Can you stay in bed today? My old roommate who was a doctor taught me, when I get a migraine to drink one caffeinated Coke and take two Excedrin. Hope you feel better.

In the meantime, try not to focus on the alcoholic. Try not to focus on the what-ifs of the future. Try to let go of the outcomes. Take care.
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Old 04-20-2010, 07:27 AM
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I was feeling that way this weekend - and for the very same reason. Hugs to you and I hope the feelings pass soon - and that the migraines settle down. Sometimes I am still just so overwhelmed by the sadness of all that was lost to alcohol. It was so very much. It isn't how life was supposed to turn out.

Today I am more like this however Line 'em up, let me at 'em.
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Old 04-20-2010, 07:33 AM
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"One day at a time...
this is enough.

Do not look back
and grieve over
the past,
for it is gone;
and do not be troubled
about the future,
for it has not yet come.

Live in the present,
and make it so beautiful
that it will be worth
remembering."

- Ida Scott Taylor
Hope you feel better soon.

:ghug3
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Old 04-20-2010, 07:50 AM
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I love that. Thank you.
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Old 04-20-2010, 07:56 AM
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I need a hug because I can't stop tearing up.
awwww, noday, you are one of my heroes!
heres a hug:ghug3

you know, all those things you mentioned, return of menses, change of weather and the stress of dealing with AH will all pass. All of them.
I know this from experience.

And the excedrin (extra strength) with a coke works for my son's migraines too.
gets that blood flowing.

Beth
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Old 04-20-2010, 08:43 AM
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Some days are just hard. (((hugs))) I have had 2 weeks of bad days, and feel like I am finally coming out of the tunnel. We adore you and we know you can do it.

Your dd will be spared the worst of the ACOA problems because YOU, not her dad, will set the standards for her life. You will have far more influence and you will provide her with stability and not subject her on a daily basis to chaos and crazy. She will be okay and YOU will be okay. (((noday)))
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Old 04-20-2010, 10:47 AM
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Keep up the good work and indifference will come, he will be less and less important. When I think Ex runs the show I get depressed and it sucks - however when I run my own show things can be great and wonderful and motivating. Focus, focus! you, HP, beauty around you, your plans and activities.

Although my parents are not alcoholics thank God, I grew lots of resentment towards my dad. When I was older I was able to see who was there for me in the good and the bad and who lived with me all my mistakes and triumphs... later on I finally forgave my dad for being human and missing most of my life.

Bottomline, the relation between your kid and her dad is between them, you got no control over it, but you got control over setting a good example for the woman you aspire your DD to be. And enjoying your own life.

I had no kids with the alkie I met and don't know how many of you gather so much strength. You are doing great.

Have you tried affirmations? our mind is a powerful thing.
"thank you God, for giving me health and wellbeing" don't focus on the aches or else they will stay. Try to imagine how it feels to be healthy again and bring that feeling back to you. Act as if you were superhealthy again, thank God you're back on track and happy once again. This is such a cliche but lately I am experimenting with affirmations and I'm astonished at the results...

With alkie I had tons of funny aches that disappeared magically after I let him go physically and after a time of letting go emotionally.


Yoga?
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Old 04-20-2010, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by wicked View Post
And the excedrin (extra strength) with a coke works for my son's migraines too.
So, like, if I take excedrin and a Coke, will it make AH go away?

ok ok, I know it's asking for too much...
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Old 04-20-2010, 01:53 PM
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Hugs, Noday. You are doing so great. I don't think you even realize how strong you are. There are a lot of here who have been sad about *not* having the abusive alcoholic in our lives. Your state of mind seems much healthier. It's hard and scary not knowing how things will turn out, but it will be OK. I'm so glad for your little girl that she has you. Imagine if all she had was that guy? She has a wise mama to care for her. If it makes you feel any better, my 11yo's father and I broke up when she was about 1, and he stuck around for a few years, but as they often do, he got progressively worse and I didn't even have to fight to get him out of her life.
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Old 04-20-2010, 02:40 PM
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((((HUGS))))) to YOU!!!
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Old 04-20-2010, 05:14 PM
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Picture our cyber fingers lovingly massaging your forehead. Ahhhh there you go... that feels better.

YOUR SR FAMILY LOVES YOU!
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Old 04-20-2010, 07:26 PM
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I agree you are very strong. Your answers will come. Trust your HP...Sending you good thoughts and hugs
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Old 04-20-2010, 07:51 PM
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Lots of great advice and support above so just adding mine too...and remember my friend....this too shall pass.

I am also a bit lost today...so I am having a day at home with my darling Miss 3...while Miss 5 and Master 9 are at school and we are just hanging out!! Just what I needed today......

(((((((HUGS)))))))).......and to all of us that are struggling today (((((((HUGS ALL ROUND))))))....I always say this in threads but....SR keeps me sane!! You guys are awesome!! Phiz
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Old 04-20-2010, 10:55 PM
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Ok, and this is NOT a joke.

Feet in bowl of water as hot as you can stand, and a cold pack on your head.
I use a bag of frozen peas.

God bless
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