Starting the week out on the wrong side of life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Starting the week out on the wrong side of life.
Anyone ever feel that no one wants to listen anymore?
I am having a weekend and starting the week off in a bad place. I still struggle to manage things on my own which is usually ok. But sometimes I feel the world is going on without me and everyone else is going along just fine except for me.
How many days in my life do I have to wake up and say let's just get through it and then you can hide in your bed.
I didn't expect to be at this place at this point in my life and it stinks!
Does it ever feel to anyone else like it has always been like this and will stay with you?
It isn't like I don't have any good days but I can't seem to get more than that to last. I wasn't like this most of my life. I got tired of reinventing myself and took a break from it which was a great relief at first. Now it isn't a relief and reinventing looks like too much work.
Thanks for listening.
I am having a weekend and starting the week off in a bad place. I still struggle to manage things on my own which is usually ok. But sometimes I feel the world is going on without me and everyone else is going along just fine except for me.
How many days in my life do I have to wake up and say let's just get through it and then you can hide in your bed.
I didn't expect to be at this place at this point in my life and it stinks!
Does it ever feel to anyone else like it has always been like this and will stay with you?
It isn't like I don't have any good days but I can't seem to get more than that to last. I wasn't like this most of my life. I got tired of reinventing myself and took a break from it which was a great relief at first. Now it isn't a relief and reinventing looks like too much work.
Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 112
Many Many days I dont want to get out of bed. Wish I could just hide. But what kind of life is that? I also feel that others are sick of listening me to me go on and on. Come here and vent, there are lots of us feeling the same excat way. Sometimes I cant even stand myself. The crap that goes on in my head annoys me too..lol. But thats excatly what it is crap. Your strong, smart and you can do the work, not easy but not impossible
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Yes Kassie. But I see flickers of light sometimes. For a moment I will laugh at something and see something funny and I forget for a bit ans its wonderful. I am hoping with time and healing/recovery that free feeling will be more permanent. I am sure you have read how I struggle these days but there isnt too much I can do about it except walk through the fire...I also get strength from the others in SR and I know they have been there and they are great now and happy.
Hugs to you my friend..
Hugs to you my friend..
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: uk
Posts: 464
hey wizedeb dont hit so hard on yerself..we all feel that way ..your not alone.. its a tough cookie at times..but you gotta knuckle on through...nothing stops to make allowances for your feelings hun....toughen up the fight an keep on movin...
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Yeah, I have the occassional day or two, where I don't want to participate in the human race, and now I just let it happen. It doesn't hurt me to stay in bed longer, wander round in pyjamas, and keep my doors shut, for a couple of days and usually that is all it takes.
By the end of the 1st day, I start to feel able to look at why I feel like this, and make a pact with myself to "freshen" myself up, eg have a facial, foot massage, massage or anything to lift my spirits.
I guess I am lucky in not having family responsibilities, or a job to worry about, so if I greet a day with "Bleahhhhhh", I can just pull the covers over my head and shut out the world.
Sorry you are in that "Bleahhhhhh" place, and hope you are able to move out soon and give yourself a treat to help you feel better. By the way, you are listened to and heard by us here.
God bless
By the end of the 1st day, I start to feel able to look at why I feel like this, and make a pact with myself to "freshen" myself up, eg have a facial, foot massage, massage or anything to lift my spirits.
I guess I am lucky in not having family responsibilities, or a job to worry about, so if I greet a day with "Bleahhhhhh", I can just pull the covers over my head and shut out the world.
Sorry you are in that "Bleahhhhhh" place, and hope you are able to move out soon and give yourself a treat to help you feel better. By the way, you are listened to and heard by us here.
God bless
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
How many days in my life do I have to wake up and say let's just get through it and then you can hide in your bed.
It's no wonder so many millions of people are on anti-depressants.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Maybe I'm reading into your post from my own issues, but.....
It sounds like some self-judgment going on. You are comparing yourself to the rest of the world and they all seem 'just fine.' You never expected to be 'here' at this point in life. Could you possibly be being a little hard on yourself?
I know I set impossibly high standards for myself many times, and then beat myself up when I can't live up to them. One of my best self-sabotage techniques, lol.
For example, I once made sure there was a healthy, homemade dinner on the table every single night. Probably read it somewhere that it makes kids happier/smarter/more successful or something. So, I got this idea in my head that I had to prepare a nice dinner from scratch every night. When I separated from my husband, I continued this practice until one day I realized--I don't have the time or energy to do this every night! Frozen pizza or burgers a couple times a week is not going to kill anyone! Whew, what a relief. I had no idea how much I was stressing myself out trying to create some imagined scenario that was 'best' for my family.
Maybe take a look at all the things you have to and decide if you really have to, or if you are trying to live up to some idealized standard.
L
It sounds like some self-judgment going on. You are comparing yourself to the rest of the world and they all seem 'just fine.' You never expected to be 'here' at this point in life. Could you possibly be being a little hard on yourself?
I know I set impossibly high standards for myself many times, and then beat myself up when I can't live up to them. One of my best self-sabotage techniques, lol.
For example, I once made sure there was a healthy, homemade dinner on the table every single night. Probably read it somewhere that it makes kids happier/smarter/more successful or something. So, I got this idea in my head that I had to prepare a nice dinner from scratch every night. When I separated from my husband, I continued this practice until one day I realized--I don't have the time or energy to do this every night! Frozen pizza or burgers a couple times a week is not going to kill anyone! Whew, what a relief. I had no idea how much I was stressing myself out trying to create some imagined scenario that was 'best' for my family.
Maybe take a look at all the things you have to and decide if you really have to, or if you are trying to live up to some idealized standard.
L
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Thank you everyone. I made through the day and I am a little better. Through the day I had flickers of times and thoughts about all the other separations in my life and what made them easier than this one.
I don't understand why this is so hard on me. And maybe it is just as LTD mentioned - I am being hard on myself - have to consider that one.
To others, I was taking time off when I felt like it, but I have a new Supervisor and I am not sure how she will take it. Early in my marriage, when my husband relapsed big time - I had to take off a lot of time just b/c I couldn't face people. That supervisor took it badly and was on my case all the time. That was a first in my life. I did explain that I was married to someone else at work and that we were separated making it strained at times for me to be there and left it at that. She seemed understanding but I don't how far that will go.
On the other hand, for the first time in my life I can come home or I have weekends without any responsibilities waiting so I can do what I want and I do.
I realized today that I really need to vent more about the stuff that goes on in my head. But as easy for me as it is to help someone else - we all know the drill - I don't like to bother others.
Again thanks for listening and stopping by.
I don't understand why this is so hard on me. And maybe it is just as LTD mentioned - I am being hard on myself - have to consider that one.
To others, I was taking time off when I felt like it, but I have a new Supervisor and I am not sure how she will take it. Early in my marriage, when my husband relapsed big time - I had to take off a lot of time just b/c I couldn't face people. That supervisor took it badly and was on my case all the time. That was a first in my life. I did explain that I was married to someone else at work and that we were separated making it strained at times for me to be there and left it at that. She seemed understanding but I don't how far that will go.
On the other hand, for the first time in my life I can come home or I have weekends without any responsibilities waiting so I can do what I want and I do.
I realized today that I really need to vent more about the stuff that goes on in my head. But as easy for me as it is to help someone else - we all know the drill - I don't like to bother others.
Again thanks for listening and stopping by.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Kassie I got those days often, I'm a rollercoaster really. One day I am super excited over .. NOTHING lol then for a week straight I dread living.
Any chance for a pet? my cats have helped me a lot. Adopt two cats and see if you can handle NOT smiling. So there is a guarantee I will smile at least once!
Preparing gifts for people that have been there for me throughout my life is also very healing and usually takes me out of my apartment because I need to buy something or get some inspiration.
I have also found museum/theater/strange foreign movies/often portray feelings I identify with and I can enjoy arts more because I feel very sensitive and able to "tune in" to whatever is being expressed.
An uplifting song in the morning helps. Chai latte helps. Yoga helps. A deep breath helps. Melody beattie "the language of letting go" helps. Volunteer work helps. Posting here helps.
To me Bach flower remedies have worked a great deal. The counselor asked me if light bothered me and if I found difficult to get myself out of bed and be motivated in general... this therapy is approved by the WHO.
Sometimes I am so used to feeling horrible that I just expect the day to be the same as usual and get home, but sometimes I get tired enough of it that I actually do something about it. Fake it if you need to...
I believed in order to do something I got to be convinced first but it isn't true, you can just force yourself to do whatever and it doesn't matter what you think or want, you already did it and made some kind of difference in your mood.
Any chance for a pet? my cats have helped me a lot. Adopt two cats and see if you can handle NOT smiling. So there is a guarantee I will smile at least once!
Preparing gifts for people that have been there for me throughout my life is also very healing and usually takes me out of my apartment because I need to buy something or get some inspiration.
I have also found museum/theater/strange foreign movies/often portray feelings I identify with and I can enjoy arts more because I feel very sensitive and able to "tune in" to whatever is being expressed.
An uplifting song in the morning helps. Chai latte helps. Yoga helps. A deep breath helps. Melody beattie "the language of letting go" helps. Volunteer work helps. Posting here helps.
To me Bach flower remedies have worked a great deal. The counselor asked me if light bothered me and if I found difficult to get myself out of bed and be motivated in general... this therapy is approved by the WHO.
Sometimes I am so used to feeling horrible that I just expect the day to be the same as usual and get home, but sometimes I get tired enough of it that I actually do something about it. Fake it if you need to...
I believed in order to do something I got to be convinced first but it isn't true, you can just force yourself to do whatever and it doesn't matter what you think or want, you already did it and made some kind of difference in your mood.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
I like the suggestion to "fake it". Also like the suggestion to just give yourself a day or two to stay in bed. The thing that got me out of the constant funk of wanting to stay in bed ALL THE TIME was my aha moment, which you've probably read about on other posts... when my heart caught up with my head and i realized it wasn't my STBXAH I was missing, but the dream of the man I wanted to be with that was gone, and AH was NOT that guy!
Here's hoping you have your own AHA moments, Kassie!
Huggs,
Tigg
Here's hoping you have your own AHA moments, Kassie!
Huggs,
Tigg
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Hope for a positive future always brings (and keeps) me out of a funk. That's where exploring, learning, discovering, and focusing on what YOU want for and in your life is helpful. I think that is a big part of why we can get stuck in relationships: Because we meet a person and feel happiness and being happy WITH that person helps us to see and feel (and "hope for") a happy future. But when the other person has a different idea of what a happy future looks like, or doesn't behave in a manner congruent with or conducive to OUR ideal, we begin to panic, and obsess.
The trick is creating a happy, hoped-for future that does not depend on the presence or behavior of another person. That doesn't mean that another person can't be there. It just means that you focus on YOURSELF, and what YOU want, and what YOU need to do or be in order to have that happy future. It seems to me, as I continue to try out this theory, that the lessons come more easily, and the happy relationship with another will fall into place.
The trick is creating a happy, hoped-for future that does not depend on the presence or behavior of another person. That doesn't mean that another person can't be there. It just means that you focus on YOURSELF, and what YOU want, and what YOU need to do or be in order to have that happy future. It seems to me, as I continue to try out this theory, that the lessons come more easily, and the happy relationship with another will fall into place.
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