A Question
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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A Question
I'd appriciate if you could share some light on this one for me.
My AH doesn't look well lately. A year ago a routine jaw surgery was almost canceled because the blood test re: liver (ALT, AST) were bad. In the last two monts he has lost quite a bit of weight (he eats the same), he has constant diarreia, and he has wet the bed a couple of times at night.
He refuses to see the doctor saying he's feeing fine.
I'm perfectly aware there is nothing I can do about it and all, but can't help wandering what is going on. Should I prepare myself for the worst or is this common state for heavy drinkers?
Of course I'm not seeking doctors advice here, but I'd appreciate some sharing from your own experiences in order to understad better, as this stage is new to me.
Thanks
My AH doesn't look well lately. A year ago a routine jaw surgery was almost canceled because the blood test re: liver (ALT, AST) were bad. In the last two monts he has lost quite a bit of weight (he eats the same), he has constant diarreia, and he has wet the bed a couple of times at night.
He refuses to see the doctor saying he's feeing fine.
I'm perfectly aware there is nothing I can do about it and all, but can't help wandering what is going on. Should I prepare myself for the worst or is this common state for heavy drinkers?
Of course I'm not seeking doctors advice here, but I'd appreciate some sharing from your own experiences in order to understad better, as this stage is new to me.
Thanks
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,898
Heavy drinking can cause diarrhea, and wetting the bed is common because instead of falling asleep, they usually just pass out. I don't have any clues about the weight loss. As always, a doctor is the best person to contact regarding any questions of this nature.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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some guys are very proud..and dont wish to appear weak or need outside help interference..can relate here..if hes still eating well with a good appetite thats a major,
does he not see what he is doing to himself? has he given up on life and intent on drinking himself to death? without knowing what is going on in a persons mind..you can never really asses things...i think you are a strong caring person..who is doing all you can for your peace of mind under the circumstances...and your children..wish you well.
does he not see what he is doing to himself? has he given up on life and intent on drinking himself to death? without knowing what is going on in a persons mind..you can never really asses things...i think you are a strong caring person..who is doing all you can for your peace of mind under the circumstances...and your children..wish you well.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Thank you all.
He is not really eating well, he hasn't been eating much for a long time now, only recently he has started loosing weight,... and his stomach is bloated, and the rest of him so skiny... I know he needs to see a doctor, but again he's fine and I'm paranoid according to him...
Guess I have to accept it with the rest, but would just like to know what is going on now...
Whatever it is, I'd just like to know... I don't like spending my energy on thinking maybe is this, or that....
He is not really eating well, he hasn't been eating much for a long time now, only recently he has started loosing weight,... and his stomach is bloated, and the rest of him so skiny... I know he needs to see a doctor, but again he's fine and I'm paranoid according to him...
Guess I have to accept it with the rest, but would just like to know what is going on now...
Whatever it is, I'd just like to know... I don't like spending my energy on thinking maybe is this, or that....
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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hi sesh..i wish i knew what to say here..that might help..sounds like he needs a check over by the doctor..and some honest advice from the doctor about the danger he may be in...maybe he knows this already..and avoids..tryin to live a life of denial..knowing sometimes what to do for the best here is not easy...though i guess its his choice..and you respect it...wish you well.
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Thanks...
I've been doing so well lately and trying not to let this one crush me... I guess all I can do is wait and see... I have managed to distance myself from it all, and it is a strange feeling, like I'm watching it all from the distance, like in a dream, like it is happening to someone else and don't feel anything... maybe this is what happens when you have finally had enough... the time will tell...
I've been doing so well lately and trying not to let this one crush me... I guess all I can do is wait and see... I have managed to distance myself from it all, and it is a strange feeling, like I'm watching it all from the distance, like in a dream, like it is happening to someone else and don't feel anything... maybe this is what happens when you have finally had enough... the time will tell...
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,898
A distended stomach can be a symptom of liver problems, but you already know he has that. Unfortunately, the only way to know for sure is for him to see a doctor and have tests done.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
It sounds like he has end-stage liver disease. If he wants on a transplant list, he'll have to quit drinking right away. If he already has fluid in his stomach, than things are probably going to get a lot worse, really fast.
If he chooses not to get help, than you've got a rough road ahead. There are a lot of sites online where you can learn about it. He'll have to start going to the hospital soon to have the fluid drained out of his stomach (he'll be in so much pain that he will do this willingly I'm sure). My recommendation is to read, learn, and get prepared.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's tough.
If he chooses not to get help, than you've got a rough road ahead. There are a lot of sites online where you can learn about it. He'll have to start going to the hospital soon to have the fluid drained out of his stomach (he'll be in so much pain that he will do this willingly I'm sure). My recommendation is to read, learn, and get prepared.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's tough.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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Also, you are not paranoid. By the symptoms you described, he sounds exactly like his liver is failing. The toxins that his liver can no longer process will affect his brain. Eventually, he won't remember things, like what year it is.
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Thank you Keeppedaling, I was thinking something like that might be in question. Tried to tell him, but there is no reasoning with him.
I have this strange feeling of calm about all this, like this is were he has been heading all along, and finally we have arrived. This is it, the end of the road. sad.
At moments I start opssesing how can he be this stupid? is this kind of denial even possible? does he not think about our kids? and many other questions along those lines, but I manage to stop myself soon enough, as really none of the reasons that led him here matter any more. this is were we are now. I'm just wandering when things get really bad will he finally realize, will he ever realized what he has done to himself and us... Sad. To waste your life away like that.
I am just very surprised with how I feel right now, if I imagined something like this happening before, I thought I'd be a complete wreak, but insted I'm just so, so calm and together... maybe I'm in some kind of shock, or just to tired of everything, or I have just simple realized there is nothing left to fight for...
Again, thank you all for your help, it means so much to me
I have this strange feeling of calm about all this, like this is were he has been heading all along, and finally we have arrived. This is it, the end of the road. sad.
At moments I start opssesing how can he be this stupid? is this kind of denial even possible? does he not think about our kids? and many other questions along those lines, but I manage to stop myself soon enough, as really none of the reasons that led him here matter any more. this is were we are now. I'm just wandering when things get really bad will he finally realize, will he ever realized what he has done to himself and us... Sad. To waste your life away like that.
I am just very surprised with how I feel right now, if I imagined something like this happening before, I thought I'd be a complete wreak, but insted I'm just so, so calm and together... maybe I'm in some kind of shock, or just to tired of everything, or I have just simple realized there is nothing left to fight for...
Again, thank you all for your help, it means so much to me
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
I'm so sorry Sesh. It's so awful when someone we love doesn't choose a happy healthy life. It does seem like such a waste. Just keep taking care of yourself. None of his choices are your fault.
I imagine he's avoiding reality right now because that's kinda what alcoholics do right? Their whole point is to avoid reality. He may snap out of it though. It's possible he will change his mind and want to fight for his life. So, like I said, you might do some reading and find the transplant clinic closest to you.
If he doesn't, then you might think about getting some help lined up. You'll need support, not just emotional, but people to come by and help out with his care. You can't do it 24/7.
We're all here for you Sesh. Please keep checking in!
I imagine he's avoiding reality right now because that's kinda what alcoholics do right? Their whole point is to avoid reality. He may snap out of it though. It's possible he will change his mind and want to fight for his life. So, like I said, you might do some reading and find the transplant clinic closest to you.
If he doesn't, then you might think about getting some help lined up. You'll need support, not just emotional, but people to come by and help out with his care. You can't do it 24/7.
We're all here for you Sesh. Please keep checking in!
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
While alcohol will do everyone in eventually don't be to fatalistic right now. There is no way to know what is going on without a doctor having a look.
My xah had all the same stuff going on and he did go the doctor. He went to the VA hospital for detox and 28 day treatment program and was given a complete work up. His liver enzymes were high but he isn't anywhere near end stage liver disease. He'll get there eventually if he doesn't quit but he isn't there now.
My xah had all the same stuff going on and he did go the doctor. He went to the VA hospital for detox and 28 day treatment program and was given a complete work up. His liver enzymes were high but he isn't anywhere near end stage liver disease. He'll get there eventually if he doesn't quit but he isn't there now.
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I truly hope that is not that bad just yet, but still I'm very worried as 3 years ago he had ulcer bleeding and nearly died, and doctors advised him to stop drinking, and than last year doctors warned him about his liver condition explaining that he HAS TO STOP DRINKING ASAP FOR GOOD. Also 2 years ago, he was admitted to hospital due to the severe withdrowal simptoms (first and only time he acctually kind of admited he has a problem and decided to stop), and it was explained to him that he is seriously endangering his health.
None of it sunk in.
Now he has this grayish colour in his face and looks like a shadow of his former self.
And still he refuses to see doctor and still he's convincing me it is all in my head, and he doesn't have a problem. He doesn't even admit he drinks at all, (even though he smels of booze all the time, and putting so much concentration in moving in this slow motion way so I don't notice it
.... totaly insane...
And he acts all offended and hurt that I'm saying he has a problem and should do something about it, that he should see a doctor... He's acctually trying to convince me I'm crazy... Total denial... But the time he could play with my head and make me question myself is long gone. I know better now, but none of it changing the simple fact this man is on the straight path to kill himself and there is nothing I can but watch him do it... It is all so f**** up
None of it sunk in.
Now he has this grayish colour in his face and looks like a shadow of his former self.
And still he refuses to see doctor and still he's convincing me it is all in my head, and he doesn't have a problem. He doesn't even admit he drinks at all, (even though he smels of booze all the time, and putting so much concentration in moving in this slow motion way so I don't notice it
.... totaly insane...And he acts all offended and hurt that I'm saying he has a problem and should do something about it, that he should see a doctor... He's acctually trying to convince me I'm crazy... Total denial... But the time he could play with my head and make me question myself is long gone. I know better now, but none of it changing the simple fact this man is on the straight path to kill himself and there is nothing I can but watch him do it... It is all so f**** up
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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I'm sorry. It is messed up. He might very well be that sick, I have no way of knowing, just offering up a different experience.
I'm sorry he won't see a doctor but not at all surprised. They'll tell him to stop drinking, which he apparently won't do, so he doesn't want to hear it. My xah won't go back to the doctor either although they call him a lot, or used to. I no longer know.
I'm sorry he won't see a doctor but not at all surprised. They'll tell him to stop drinking, which he apparently won't do, so he doesn't want to hear it. My xah won't go back to the doctor either although they call him a lot, or used to. I no longer know.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,898
While it may be true that he is on the path to kill himself, you do not have to watch him do it. You staying with him is not keeping him from killing himself. You cannot force him to seek medical attention. The only person you can control is yourself. I hope that you make the choice to take care of yourself.
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Thanks Suki, you're right and I am taking good care of myself and my kids. I'm not letting his alcoholism run my life any more, but still I feel sad and sorry for him, for the fact he can not do better than this.
And I'm choosing to stay, I did leave him once but took him back as I wasn't ready for that step at the time. Now as I said I'm choosing to stay, mostly because we live in a small town, where people are quite narrow minded, and I know if I'm to leave him he'd continue doing the same, but for my children sake and his sake I'm choosing to keep up apperances, as I know he wouldn't if left alone (he didn't last time we were separated), so I don't want people pointing finger at my kids saying their father is a drunk and homless.
I don't know if you find this stupid, but I taught long and hard about it and decided this is a right thing to do for my kids benefit. Since he is not an ugly drunk, and is kind to kids, I came to conclusion less damage will be caused to my kids if he stays with us. I'm not fooling myself for one minute I can save him, but by doing this I believe it will cause less shame for my children (I believe shame issue is very big with kids, at least it was for me growing up with my AF).
maybe I'm anabling him by doing this, but my kids interest comes before his, and also I don't have any illusions about him cleaning up his act if he looses his family....
I don't know weather you guys think this is smart or not, but this is the best I could come up to date
And I'm choosing to stay, I did leave him once but took him back as I wasn't ready for that step at the time. Now as I said I'm choosing to stay, mostly because we live in a small town, where people are quite narrow minded, and I know if I'm to leave him he'd continue doing the same, but for my children sake and his sake I'm choosing to keep up apperances, as I know he wouldn't if left alone (he didn't last time we were separated), so I don't want people pointing finger at my kids saying their father is a drunk and homless.
I don't know if you find this stupid, but I taught long and hard about it and decided this is a right thing to do for my kids benefit. Since he is not an ugly drunk, and is kind to kids, I came to conclusion less damage will be caused to my kids if he stays with us. I'm not fooling myself for one minute I can save him, but by doing this I believe it will cause less shame for my children (I believe shame issue is very big with kids, at least it was for me growing up with my AF).
maybe I'm anabling him by doing this, but my kids interest comes before his, and also I don't have any illusions about him cleaning up his act if he looses his family....
I don't know weather you guys think this is smart or not, but this is the best I could come up to date
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