TakingCharge999

XABF can be happy

AND-get this-

I can be happy, too.

That we can both be OK.

Oh,oh, and that he doesn't owe me anything.





*APPLAUSE* sign is ON...

barb dwyer

:applause:Yay.

TakingCharge999

Yesterday the same scenario repeated itself

I was working and overheard XABF laughing at work

And

For the first time ever

I didn't feel menaced.
I didn't feel inferior
I didn't feel sad
I didn't feel angry
I didn't feel envious
I didn't feel it was personal

I wasn't affected by his voice.



The other night we worked and I was SUPER kind. Not for him I was just feeling great. I felt proud of myself for not conducting myself as resentful as I have been.

We had agreed -as if that meant anything to him anyway- we would be ok after some time, I had told him I would talk to him again after I was back to a good place regarding him (how dumb!! but that's what I said).

Now I feel he notices I am back to a good place in general and I choose NOT to speak to him anyway.

I am feeling great for preserving No contact.

IT is really a protection. I feel proud!

My ego gets something out of knowing maybe one day I marry someone great and he will realize the weak insecure girl is gone and that he was not the only one who changed. That I indeed turned the page and ended up letting him go until full healing took place. That I want nothing to do with him and actively decide to stay away, because I got the chance to really know him and it isn't great.


Then again he may be too drunk to notice anything. Anyway besides my ego paying too much attention to his reactions, I feel great knowing I care enough about myself to stay away.

Thanks SR!! I can hear his voice and tone and see his friendly face but I know what lies beyond that image. I am no longer fooled.



Ahhhhhhhhh acceptance and forgiveness, finally I feel you, like a fresh breeze of air !!!! it was time !!! and I can separate my real voice with the one coming from my ego !! I feel so blessed today.

TakingCharge999

Today I am buying tickets for my holiday next week.
I will see my dad
Suntan.
Swim.
Eat delicious stuff in beautiful places/my uncles home/hotel/golf club/nearby towns.
See my best friend and meet her BF.
Go to a restaurant I LOVED. I get all teary even thinking about it because its so beautiful and I imagined going back there again... God sent me the chance to visit again with my dad and current BF who has been supportive lately. "Suddenly" it all happened, like "there TC here it is what you asked for".

Feeling loved and accepted by males has been a huge issue in my life and now that I let mysel receive it from family and friends I am all teary.

My other issues are power/sexuality/passion,love for life but I feel I am working on them, too.

Ok now the cats are purring and I just say Thank you God, thank you, thank you for helping me realize who I am and giving me so many gifts. I also get to visit Thailand/Finland again in the near future, my 2 fav places!! I am overwhelmed. Thank God for frequent flier programs and sisters that travel all the time so I can get a discount!

Yes, this is how one starts her morning, with gratitude and contentment! this is me. This is how its supposed to be like. Birds chirp, cats meow, light takes over darkness for one more day and everything is happiness in my little world in this moment.

TakingCharge999

After years of self pity, perfectionism and abandonment

Last weekend I started painting again!!!!

TakingCharge999

This is a huge painting on the church I visited last Sunday, its called the Church of Victory. It has a beautiful garden outside.

Jadmack25

Especially for you TC.

God bless

lulu1974

i love this!!!

posiesperson

Aw, TC, you sound so wonderful. Drink it all in, it's wonderful to read your words & see your insight as you share your healing and serenity.

Enjoy every minute of that vacation, it's a celebration!!

Hugs,
posie