It will never get better
 

Tonight...I was reminded why I left my A in the first place. I am certain he isnt getting treatment and it shows. I gave him the opportunity to file taxes together so he wouldnt have to pay the IRS 4K and he blew it. He never called and when I texted him he said he was busy and maybe tomorrow. I was doing him the favor he asked of me. The thing is this isnt the first time he has done this, not even the second time. I kindly told him there would not be another chance and wished him luck, told him I would pray for him and hope it all works out for him. I am not going to get in God's way again. I leave him to God.

Sadly, the husband I knew is gone. I need to admit that and see who he is now. He is a 32 year Alcoholic boy acting 13 who has the king baby syndrome.
There is nothing I can do to help him. I can pray. I can and will force myself to move on. There may be roller coaster days but today my HP gave me a gift. He reminded me who my A was these days.
I will go on with my life and hope he recovers one day. I know most of them dont. I will devote my life to myself and God and be as happy as possible.
I will pray God takes this horrible anxiety away. Today I learned I can probably have my A back..and all the pain he brings.
He is really just a shell of a man.
No more contact, no more trying to figure out how to help and heck even manipulate him into getting himself better. He is free. I am free.
I was a flightless bird...but I hope to mend my wings and fly...

********{Lulu}}}}}

That reads like you've learned something very important....
on a very deep level this weekend.

For that - i'm very happy and proud of your growth.

Yet it's also a very sad time, grateful you're not regretting too much
or mourning a life that never could have been.

which shows you are willing to move on.

For that I am sad with you, but happy underneath.

I hope that made sense.

:grouphug:

(((Barb))) It made total and complete sense. Thanks so much for this.

Sweet Lulu, you've had a difficult, but pivotal moment. I had it a couple of weeks ago. I hope it's as freeing for you as it has been for me.

Huggs!
Tigg

I think it will get better. I think a year from now you will write how much better it's gotten and how happy you are.

You sure had a hard time to get thru the past few days, but Lu you have made it thru.

So he stuffed up and it will cost him $$$$, and in spite of your help he still didn't do what was needed. Keep NC, and ignore anything from him, because it will BE ALL YOUR FAULT.

Let him bawl and whine into the ether, the bars, the bar-tenders ears, anywhere but near you.......and know that you are out of the cr*ppy, miserable and painful existence you were in with him.

King baby can get his bottle easily, now let him change his own dirty diapers.

God bless

Thank you Jadmack. It means so much to me. I just dont know how much more I can take. Its just too much..