I think it's been two weeks since I last had any contact
 

Lets see, I decided to end the relationship after the horrible Valentine's Day. Then I saw him about two weeks ago, which was really nice because we resolved some things and I was able to explain my decision in a really compassionate way. I'm having one of those days where I'm just really missing him though. I'm wondering if he's doing well or not. Is he still seeing the therapist or is he drinking? I really hope he's doing well. It would really suck to find out that he just went right back to drinking.

Feeling sad. I'm also feeling really wore out from keeping myself so busy so I won't miss him. I'm just tired I guess.

I'm still not over it. Tick tock...tick tock...

Wow, two weeks seems like an eternity to me...

Good for you. I have bad days all the time. You are not alone. I miss him pretty much every second of every day. And because of that I have really no advice or words of comfort. I am sorry! :( But I will say I envy you because I am looking forward to the point where I can say I have had two weeks of no contact!

Hang in there. You'll be okay. :)

And I meant "envy" in a REALLY good way!

Are you just starting NC Mishaco?

Wow...I'm reading your post now...

You've been through a lot! What are you going to do for yourself this weekend? I'm planning to surround myself with friends and do something fun. I wish I could just have a down day once in a while, but if I do that, I get to thinking too much.

Congrats on the no contact! I understand how hard it is.

I actually have a list I wrote, next to my bed, that reminds me of all the reasons I got out of the relationship with XABF. Yup, I wrote them all down... that way if i get lonely, or feel like I am starting to miss him, I can look at the list and be reminded of the way it really was, the reasons I ended it. Sometimes so quickly I start to think "well, was it really that bad?" or "the good times were worth the bad times, I should have given him another chance" and start to blame myself for why the relationship didn't work. "Everyone argues once in a while" or "everyone drinks too much once in a while". I actually start to justify his behavior in my mind!!! My mind easily remembers the good times, and blocks out the bad, so eventually I think to myself that it was my fault for it not working, and start to consider dropping my boundaries. Gotta re-read the list!!

Another thing I have seen people suggest on here, is to go back and read old posts... that's always a great reminder of how miserable we were before... makes it alot harder to miss someone when you are reading your own words about the hell they put you through.

Good luck, and keep up the great work!!

I think you're doing great KP! (((hugs)))

I was recently reminded of a tip a friend shared with me when I was newly working NC (No Contact):

As lonely as it feels not having any contact by choice, imagine what it would feel like if the contact was broken because something awful had happened. What if you were not able to contact the A because they were in the hospital, in a coma? That would be worse, right?

Looking back on that advice, I realize it was also a way to give me my power back. If the A were in a coma, the choice to cut off communication would have been beyond my control. I might feel helpless in that situation.

But since the cut off of communication occured because I Choose Not To Communicate with the A, the power belongs with me. I have the power to choose who I communicate with and when.

Give yourself a hug today! You are doing wonderful, powerful things to take care of YOU! Soooooo worth it!

Well done and you seem in good spirits. Glad you posted this as it encourages me to continue down that path as well.

It is incredibly powerful to be around people who truly love and admire you.
When I'm really down, I isolate. But when I start coming out of it, and start taking care of myself, I have found that spending an evening with people who just plain LOVE me, is SSOOO healing. Validating. And I get to see how other people, not mired in addiction issues, go through life.


My middle daughter lives three hours out of town, a sophomore in college. She bought us tickets for the concert of one of my fave singers for my b.day. I'm grabbing my youngest daughter, we're driving there today, spending the night, and I CANT WAIT.

Hope you have a good weekend, KP. You'll be fine. Better than that, you'll be golden.

Yes, it's definitely my assessment and probably purely selfish on my part. It would suck for me because it would mean he's not going to have a fulfilling happy life. The thought of that really makes me sad. I guess I can be thankful that I think just that now, instead of "it sucks cause we won't be able to be together and have a life together."

Now what he chooses doesn't have any affect on my life. But it would make me feel sad if he wasn't choosing recovery.

I think I'm there mentally. I hope I am. I do understand that he is free to make his choices now. I have to say, it was SUCH a relief to let that part go, that desperation to try to control what he chooses. I didn't even realize the weight of that desperation until I let it go.

I miss him though. I especially miss the sober, enthusiastic, sparkly-eyed young man he used to be when we were young and he was still full of hope and happiness.

Sounds like fun Coffee! Was it a good show? I hope you had fun with your girls.

I had a great day today. It was sunny. I hung out with a bunch of people today, many of them I didn't know but we were all together enjoying a hobby we all share. It was A LOT of fun. I'm super tired! It's just about bed time! Tomorrow is round two!

Hi KP! Sorry - I just figured out how to go back to posts. Lately I have not been doing good with the NC, unfortunately, but he is going back to sober in the day, raging drunk at night. So during the day, I have been taking advantage of sober.

It sucks I have to do it this way but he has almost gotten the storage unit cleaned out (should be done tomorrow) and he found a damn job (thank God) but doesn't start until May 1st.

So, for once I feel like things might fall into place and I will be able to cut all ties. But time will only tell. Only problem with this taking advantage (I hope that doesn't sound bad but any chance I can get to talk to him in a rational state, the easier it is for us to agree on what needs to happen to end this relationship for good) is that I have to read his mean words to me at night.

Dr. Jekyl / Mr. Hyde

Luckily, I have been to 4 Al Anon meetings - yes, I will overdose on information and meetings if that is what it takes - and I am learning to deal with things in a different matter. And because of this, he no longer calls me drunk because he knows I will no longer scream and defend myself, I will tell him "Ok ______. I am hanging up the phone now. Enjoy your evening" and then I hang up and then I no longer answer. So now I just get the texts.

I had a fellow Al-Anonian ;) ask me tonight how he was reacting to my new attitude. I thought for a minute and realized I hadn't even noticed because I didn't really care... WHAT?!? Me not care about what he thinks or if I hurt his feelings or if he is ok?!? HOLY CRAP!

Then I thought about it and realized he was not handling it that well and in a way (sadistic way), it made me smile because I realized he is losing control over me.

He realizes it too and now he is saying that he is not going to take my manipulation anymore... LMAO! My manipulation?!? Please...

He never got a response from me on that one either...

Keep up the good work Lady and keep busy and surrounding yourself with those people - that is all I have been able to do. If I sit at home, thinking - I feel as though I go backwards. I am thankful I get up and get away from my thoughts. It's what has been saving me!

:ghug3

Oh - and there are no down days for me either. I cram so much in a week it seems absolutely ridiculous. And I am pooped! ;)

It sounds like you're doing so great! I'm really impressed and super happy for you. I'm sorry about what you're going through, but so happy that you're sounding so strong and healthy. Hearing stories like yours makes me feel so much stronger too.

I still haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me (still have his number blocked, but I suppose he could show up at my door if he wanted to). It's hard sometimes to not know how he's doing, but as time goes by, I spend less and less time thinking about it.

I have a birthday coming up in a month or so. I've been trying to figure out what to do since it's a big one. I finally thought of something. I'm going to spend 4 days windsurfing! I've asked a new friend to come with me. So I have that to look forward to. :)

I'm staying busy and having fun. Hope you start having some fun really soon too. Thanks for letting me know how you're doing.

Windsurfing sounds awesome! Good for you! You will have to let us all know how it goes.

I am leaving for Vegas on May 31st but have to testify May 17th - Boo! So I have one bad thing I am not looking forward to but right after, I have an escape. I am sort of glad it worked out that way!

Thank you! This is the first time in a VERY VERY long time that I have smiled as much as I have or that I feel as much hope as I feel. Taking it day by day and taking the "Nothing changes if nothing changes" to heart and I am working on changing me.

I am glad you still have no contact and that each day that passes gets a little easier. It is a long road... But guess what?! We are both doing it!! :)

Thanks for caring about how I am doing! I'm excited to see both of our progression through this hurtful mess. You're an inspiration to me as well as all the others on here who have been so supportive.

I'm with you two! It's so great to come on here and see the efforts that others are putting in, and that it's working, makes me look ahead to a bright future of moving on...

Windsurfing for 4 days, what an awesome idea! I'm thinking when I finally get some time off work (i've been working three jobs lately) i want to go camping with some friends. I love do anything outdoors, and camping is so easy, I don't even need a tent with the weather we have been having, it's been so beautiful here. I can't wait to get some time off.

I think all the work has been good for me, to keep my mind of the ex. It's like I wake up, and then before I know it it's time to go back to bed, the day goes by so fast and I'm so tired. Still trying to squeeze in some reading, haven't been to an al anon meeting in over three weeks, and that has been really hard. But I have you guys online all the time, and it really helps to see the success stories!
Keep up the great work!

Camping sounds fun too! And I hear you, staying busy is the way to go. :)