Where were you??
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi alice. ok, i'll join in.
just reviewed my post from last april. essentially, i was fleeing to my mom's at that time, with a lock on my bedroom door, my valuables elsewhere and my head in a fog.
today, i am cozy in my own flat, watching my little tomato plants grow. xABF is still drinking and about to be evicted from our old home.
thanks for the look back, alice. what a difference a year makes!
naive
just reviewed my post from last april. essentially, i was fleeing to my mom's at that time, with a lock on my bedroom door, my valuables elsewhere and my head in a fog.
today, i am cozy in my own flat, watching my little tomato plants grow. xABF is still drinking and about to be evicted from our old home.
thanks for the look back, alice. what a difference a year makes!
naive
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Oh Naive, my friend. I remember your exit. It seems like it was just yesterday that it happened.
It brings me joy to hear you are living in peace and the fog is gone.
You are right, a year can make all the difference!
Alice
It brings me joy to hear you are living in peace and the fog is gone.
You are right, a year can make all the difference!
Alice
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
A year ago -
I was very near death had been moved out of my apt and into my neighbor's basement.
I was too ill to work - but could get no public assistance.
I will resent Social Security for the rest of my days for the hell they put me through.
There was a man in my life -
an alcoholic in recovery
an alcoholic who slipped a lot...
but whose sincerity and capacity to be honest had struck me
then during this time of ill health,
he stepped in and helped in with making ends meet,
with finding offices that might help
by keeping me company
and continuyally believeing in me
while at the same time
trying to get permanently sober.
It wouldn't be until May that I would come to change my own prescription
for hypothyroidism
(I had no money for a refill - a 'friend of a friend' worked at a doctor's office
that was throwing away old free samples of synthroid and brought them to me)
I had no choice but to switch to the synthroid.
In FOUR DAYS ... I was a completely different person.
I had suffered for nearly TWO YEARS ... on the wrong medication.
On the fifth day - i attended my first AA meeting in six months.
i'd been too ill to sit up for the entire meetings.
Meanwhile -
this man has stayed by my side
even tho he's half a world away.
There has been no expectations
no demands
some disappointments
some arguments
but no hard feelings.
He has his program.
I have my program.
Where we come together -
is the common ground of recovery.
So I knew
If I didn't do something different -
that this relationship would be no different
from all the other miseries I'd known before.
So when I could get back on SR -
I began reading the F&F forums.
Although I didn't post over here for months.
I didn't want anyone to know I was in a relationship with another alcoholic.
Some people don't even 'count' it
sonce we haven't met in person yet.
But we've begun our third year
he calls evey day.
If he slips - it's N/C until he's sober.
And I keep right on trucking.
I got the know how - and the strength of character
to be able to do that -
right here on SR.
You all supported me
helped me feel good about myself
and feel good enough about myself
to insist that things be different.
Right now -
a long distance relationship
is all I can handle.
I am comfortable, peaceful, and satisfied.
I was very near death had been moved out of my apt and into my neighbor's basement.
I was too ill to work - but could get no public assistance.
I will resent Social Security for the rest of my days for the hell they put me through.
There was a man in my life -
an alcoholic in recovery
an alcoholic who slipped a lot...
but whose sincerity and capacity to be honest had struck me
then during this time of ill health,
he stepped in and helped in with making ends meet,
with finding offices that might help
by keeping me company
and continuyally believeing in me
while at the same time
trying to get permanently sober.
It wouldn't be until May that I would come to change my own prescription
for hypothyroidism
(I had no money for a refill - a 'friend of a friend' worked at a doctor's office
that was throwing away old free samples of synthroid and brought them to me)
I had no choice but to switch to the synthroid.
In FOUR DAYS ... I was a completely different person.
I had suffered for nearly TWO YEARS ... on the wrong medication.
On the fifth day - i attended my first AA meeting in six months.
i'd been too ill to sit up for the entire meetings.
Meanwhile -
this man has stayed by my side
even tho he's half a world away.
There has been no expectations
no demands
some disappointments
some arguments
but no hard feelings.
He has his program.
I have my program.
Where we come together -
is the common ground of recovery.
So I knew
If I didn't do something different -
that this relationship would be no different
from all the other miseries I'd known before.
So when I could get back on SR -
I began reading the F&F forums.
Although I didn't post over here for months.
I didn't want anyone to know I was in a relationship with another alcoholic.
Some people don't even 'count' it
sonce we haven't met in person yet.
But we've begun our third year
he calls evey day.
If he slips - it's N/C until he's sober.
And I keep right on trucking.
I got the know how - and the strength of character
to be able to do that -
right here on SR.
You all supported me
helped me feel good about myself
and feel good enough about myself
to insist that things be different.
Right now -
a long distance relationship
is all I can handle.
I am comfortable, peaceful, and satisfied.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
A year ago I had not joined SR yet.
I had not fully admitted that my husband was a true blue alcoholic and progressing to the lowest point since I had known him.
I wanted to leave him but, since I was not admitting that he was an alcoholic, I was struggling mightily with that fact. I was obsessed, thinking every day that I wanted out of this marriage but I had a really hard time addressing the details. I used to read, at least twice a week, information about how damanging divorce was on children - trying to find the will to stay, the ability to deal. I was twisting my mind and torturing myself with all kinds of different information and totally squashing the small voice inside.
I may have addressed his drinking around this time, asking for counseling. I did that twice. Telling him he needed to stop if he wanted us to stay and that if he needed help to stop, he should get it. His mother needed nursing home care but came to live with us instead for a while. Lots of work all night long to take care of her. Lots of things to do to get the items she needed and make our house accessible to her. I had to manage the kids around her. My kids are young and still need lots of care. I began to worry about them with ah and so I would not leave unless I went to work. I made arrangments so ah would never have to drive them. I worked full time and my job was suffering. I was going crazy trying to manage finances with an alcoholic that was drinking so much all the time, getting so depressed and unhappy, filled with anxiety himself, I felt like I was running 1000 miles per hour and still going backwards. There was lots of pressure from him for sex :ack: and just different things going on that I see now as emotional abuse/manipulation (lots of stuff w/parenting) but did not understand that then. My life had become unmanageble and I did not take the time to think about it and when I did I was confused. Confused is really not a powerful enough word but that is all I can think of now.
I was very sad, unhappy, overhwhelmed, frustrated, and was at the boiling point all the time. I could not parent tenderly. It got worse and worse until August, which is when I began the process of ending it. I found SR shortly there after.
I had not fully admitted that my husband was a true blue alcoholic and progressing to the lowest point since I had known him.
I wanted to leave him but, since I was not admitting that he was an alcoholic, I was struggling mightily with that fact. I was obsessed, thinking every day that I wanted out of this marriage but I had a really hard time addressing the details. I used to read, at least twice a week, information about how damanging divorce was on children - trying to find the will to stay, the ability to deal. I was twisting my mind and torturing myself with all kinds of different information and totally squashing the small voice inside.
I may have addressed his drinking around this time, asking for counseling. I did that twice. Telling him he needed to stop if he wanted us to stay and that if he needed help to stop, he should get it. His mother needed nursing home care but came to live with us instead for a while. Lots of work all night long to take care of her. Lots of things to do to get the items she needed and make our house accessible to her. I had to manage the kids around her. My kids are young and still need lots of care. I began to worry about them with ah and so I would not leave unless I went to work. I made arrangments so ah would never have to drive them. I worked full time and my job was suffering. I was going crazy trying to manage finances with an alcoholic that was drinking so much all the time, getting so depressed and unhappy, filled with anxiety himself, I felt like I was running 1000 miles per hour and still going backwards. There was lots of pressure from him for sex :ack: and just different things going on that I see now as emotional abuse/manipulation (lots of stuff w/parenting) but did not understand that then. My life had become unmanageble and I did not take the time to think about it and when I did I was confused. Confused is really not a powerful enough word but that is all I can think of now.
I was very sad, unhappy, overhwhelmed, frustrated, and was at the boiling point all the time. I could not parent tenderly. It got worse and worse until August, which is when I began the process of ending it. I found SR shortly there after.
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