But wait! THERE'S MORE!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
But wait! THERE'S MORE!!!!
And here you thought that things had quieted down, that you were in the clear, that it would be smooth sailing from now on, and that *gasp* your XAH was perhaps dealing with the impending divorce and custody hearing with some measure of calm and resignation...
THINK AGAIN !!!
That's right boys and girls, you are *priviledged* to be the recipient of not one but several late evening angry-drunken calls and voicemail messages from your previous spouse, while you try to run to the phone and hide it in a drawer so the ringer doesn't wake up the toddler you just spent HOURS putting to bed!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
/Cheesy-sarcastic 50's commercial OFF
Serious though, it was silly of me to think that XAH would take being served in a stride. I thought that his response to my short email message ("that's fine") meant we would be moving on. I once again thought that I was dealing with a normal person who realizes the futility of phone tantrums in the face of what is inevitable. I mean, we *have* to get divorced at some point, and he's lucky enough that I'm footing the bill for all of this. If he does the minimum required, the only thing that will happen will be a legalization of the custody arrangement we currently have, which seems to suit him just fine considering he feels it is appropriate to cancel 2 weeks in a row.
But noooooooo, with XAH, there need to be threats and insults. These are done when he's properly buzzed, around 21h30, after drinking for 4 hours. I don't know why I'd forgotten that this was his modus operandi when we lived together: get home from work around 17h00, crack open beers or pour JD&cokes, drink until 20h or 21h...get angry about something or other that's inherently wrong with the world, usually while watching a movie or playing some violent videogame, and then calling the person responsible for his "suffering" (his mother, his sister, his son's mother, etc) and finding a way to pick a fight over the phone so he gets to rant. If said rant isn't achieved, then XAH would usually pause or mute whatever we're watching, or interrupt whatever we're doing so he can rant at ME or his son, and then when we "aren't listening", starting a fresh new rant about how we just don't understand and that he's alone in the world. Rinse, lather, repeat the next day. How could I have forgotten this, silly me??!
In any case, I waited a bit, put myself in a state of calm and checked the voicemail messages, which contained the usual rant about how I have lied on my proceedings and that as soon as DD is older enough, he'll tell her what a liar her mother is, and that DD will *HATE* me, etc etc. The other was another reference to my diary back from when I was stripping, and once again asking me what I'd like done with it--with the obvious unspoken suggestion that he'll be using it against me in court.
*sigh*
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, like this bozo and his angry-drunken evening calls,the courage to change the things that I can, like my own reaction to this bozo's angry-drunken evening calls,and the wisdom to know the difference...
I'm ok. Just slightly annoyed. Guess XAH doesn't remember about sleeping children when he calls to ream me out.
THINK AGAIN !!!
That's right boys and girls, you are *priviledged* to be the recipient of not one but several late evening angry-drunken calls and voicemail messages from your previous spouse, while you try to run to the phone and hide it in a drawer so the ringer doesn't wake up the toddler you just spent HOURS putting to bed!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
/Cheesy-sarcastic 50's commercial OFF
Serious though, it was silly of me to think that XAH would take being served in a stride. I thought that his response to my short email message ("that's fine") meant we would be moving on. I once again thought that I was dealing with a normal person who realizes the futility of phone tantrums in the face of what is inevitable. I mean, we *have* to get divorced at some point, and he's lucky enough that I'm footing the bill for all of this. If he does the minimum required, the only thing that will happen will be a legalization of the custody arrangement we currently have, which seems to suit him just fine considering he feels it is appropriate to cancel 2 weeks in a row.
But noooooooo, with XAH, there need to be threats and insults. These are done when he's properly buzzed, around 21h30, after drinking for 4 hours. I don't know why I'd forgotten that this was his modus operandi when we lived together: get home from work around 17h00, crack open beers or pour JD&cokes, drink until 20h or 21h...get angry about something or other that's inherently wrong with the world, usually while watching a movie or playing some violent videogame, and then calling the person responsible for his "suffering" (his mother, his sister, his son's mother, etc) and finding a way to pick a fight over the phone so he gets to rant. If said rant isn't achieved, then XAH would usually pause or mute whatever we're watching, or interrupt whatever we're doing so he can rant at ME or his son, and then when we "aren't listening", starting a fresh new rant about how we just don't understand and that he's alone in the world. Rinse, lather, repeat the next day. How could I have forgotten this, silly me??!
In any case, I waited a bit, put myself in a state of calm and checked the voicemail messages, which contained the usual rant about how I have lied on my proceedings and that as soon as DD is older enough, he'll tell her what a liar her mother is, and that DD will *HATE* me, etc etc. The other was another reference to my diary back from when I was stripping, and once again asking me what I'd like done with it--with the obvious unspoken suggestion that he'll be using it against me in court.
*sigh*
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, like this bozo and his angry-drunken evening calls,the courage to change the things that I can, like my own reaction to this bozo's angry-drunken evening calls,and the wisdom to know the difference...
I'm ok. Just slightly annoyed. Guess XAH doesn't remember about sleeping children when he calls to ream me out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
unfortunately, the law in quebec prohibits the use of recorded voicemails for family law cases. Also, there are no overt threats to my safety, just threats to make my daughter "hate" me someday. He's clever in this respect and knows full well not to threaten violence against me.
Fortunately for me though, the law also prohibits the use of personal items such as journals and diaries in family law cases as well. Little does XAH realize that I work surrounded by lawyers, parallegals and legal assistants, and know a family court judge, so I get the inside scoop on these things.
Only thing left to do is to ignore him and find a way to turn the ringer of the phone completely off after 20h00.
Fortunately for me though, the law also prohibits the use of personal items such as journals and diaries in family law cases as well. Little does XAH realize that I work surrounded by lawyers, parallegals and legal assistants, and know a family court judge, so I get the inside scoop on these things.
Only thing left to do is to ignore him and find a way to turn the ringer of the phone completely off after 20h00.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
How could I have forgotten this, silly me?
sounds like progress, and you are dealing with it with your usual sense of humor.
fantastic noday.
beth
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
Making your daughter hate their other parent in order to get at them. I believe there is a definition of abuse that encompasses that: Parental Alienation Syndrome? (it's existance is controversial, but given that he is threatening to DO that) ask your lawyer. Here we can't use recordings, but we can use transcripts of recordings (??) so perhaps explore that?
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
1) is stripping legal in quebec?
2) did he know that you were stripping?
3) did he enjoy the proceeds of your hard, legal work?
Get your lawyer to write to him demanding that he a)gives your personal property back, (your diary) and b)stops attempting to blackmail you with its contents otherwise you are going to take this matter further.
Then look into writing your experiences as a stripper up as an empowering, funny/cautionary tale, sell the book for millions, sell the film rights for more millions and live wonderfully.
Stripping is a job, it sounds like damned hard work with lousy hours and horrible conditions. Athletes sell their ability to run fast or jump high. Scientists sell their ability to think fast. Strippers sell their ability to defy gravity gyrating up a pole and look sexy and not vomit when some drunken fool comes on to them. You have NO reason to be ashamed. This DOES NOT impact on your ability to be a mother, or reflect on your morals. (i'm not saying you did this or that it is the same thing, but I would say precisely the same if you had worked in a more hard-core part of the sex industry).
Be proud that you worked in a hard job to support yourself.
2) did he know that you were stripping?
3) did he enjoy the proceeds of your hard, legal work?
Get your lawyer to write to him demanding that he a)gives your personal property back, (your diary) and b)stops attempting to blackmail you with its contents otherwise you are going to take this matter further.
Then look into writing your experiences as a stripper up as an empowering, funny/cautionary tale, sell the book for millions, sell the film rights for more millions and live wonderfully.
Stripping is a job, it sounds like damned hard work with lousy hours and horrible conditions. Athletes sell their ability to run fast or jump high. Scientists sell their ability to think fast. Strippers sell their ability to defy gravity gyrating up a pole and look sexy and not vomit when some drunken fool comes on to them. You have NO reason to be ashamed. This DOES NOT impact on your ability to be a mother, or reflect on your morals. (i'm not saying you did this or that it is the same thing, but I would say precisely the same if you had worked in a more hard-core part of the sex industry).
Be proud that you worked in a hard job to support yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
JenT...I love you. I seriously do.
1) When I stripped, we lived in Ontario and yah, it's a legal profession there. It was called "burlesque entertainer" and I had to pay the city license fees every year and carry my license with me at work or I would get kicked out of the club.
2) he knew and encouraged me to do so in the beginning of our relationship. What he didn't know and what I hid from him was the fact that in Canada, the customers can touch the dancers (everything but the crotch). It made me ashamed so I lied about it. Eventually he found out and I continued to dance.
3) Yep, he enjoyed the money I made, often times without my knowledge or consent, spending it on booze, coke, E, junk food, clothing, photography equipment, computer equipment, whatever... In the 2+ years I danced--supporting him, his son and myself, I made over 100K, cash, and there's nothing left. He burned through it all and I still have 5K of debt left to pay off.
Get your lawyer to write to him demanding that he a)gives your personal property back, (your diary) and b)stops attempting to blackmail you with its contents otherwise you are going to take this matter further.
Great idea!
Then look into writing your experiences as a stripper up as an empowering, funny/cautionary tale, sell the book for millions, sell the film rights for more millions and live wonderfully.
Even better idea!! This one had me rolling on the floor!
Again, I love you.
1) When I stripped, we lived in Ontario and yah, it's a legal profession there. It was called "burlesque entertainer" and I had to pay the city license fees every year and carry my license with me at work or I would get kicked out of the club.
2) he knew and encouraged me to do so in the beginning of our relationship. What he didn't know and what I hid from him was the fact that in Canada, the customers can touch the dancers (everything but the crotch). It made me ashamed so I lied about it. Eventually he found out and I continued to dance.
3) Yep, he enjoyed the money I made, often times without my knowledge or consent, spending it on booze, coke, E, junk food, clothing, photography equipment, computer equipment, whatever... In the 2+ years I danced--supporting him, his son and myself, I made over 100K, cash, and there's nothing left. He burned through it all and I still have 5K of debt left to pay off.
Get your lawyer to write to him demanding that he a)gives your personal property back, (your diary) and b)stops attempting to blackmail you with its contents otherwise you are going to take this matter further.
Great idea!
Then look into writing your experiences as a stripper up as an empowering, funny/cautionary tale, sell the book for millions, sell the film rights for more millions and live wonderfully.
Even better idea!! This one had me rolling on the floor!
Again, I love you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
In Quebec is it perfectly ok and legal, to call someone on the phone a number of times, late at night, night after night, and drunkenly abuse them?
If it is ...the law needs changing to No it is not.
If it is not ok.....then you could maybe have him warned and if he persists, have him charged.
God bless
If it is ...the law needs changing to No it is not.
If it is not ok.....then you could maybe have him warned and if he persists, have him charged.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Abusive jackhole.
I suggest that you block his calls, starting now.
Contact your cell phone carrier today and ask them if they offer a call blocking service that you can turn on and off. You can turn it off when he has visitation, and keep it on at all other times. On my carrier, it's a simple code you dial in, and then there's another code to turn if off.
If he wants to arrange visitation, or contact you at any other time, he can email you. If he wants to discuss terms of the divorce, he can contact your attorney. You can print out any abusive emails he sends. I assume THOSE can be used in court to demonstrate his character if need be?
Time to stop allowing him to have such free access to pummel you, noday. This isn't beneficial to you, and perhaps he will slip up in writing and you can close him out of your life forever.
I suggest that you block his calls, starting now.
Contact your cell phone carrier today and ask them if they offer a call blocking service that you can turn on and off. You can turn it off when he has visitation, and keep it on at all other times. On my carrier, it's a simple code you dial in, and then there's another code to turn if off.
If he wants to arrange visitation, or contact you at any other time, he can email you. If he wants to discuss terms of the divorce, he can contact your attorney. You can print out any abusive emails he sends. I assume THOSE can be used in court to demonstrate his character if need be?
Time to stop allowing him to have such free access to pummel you, noday. This isn't beneficial to you, and perhaps he will slip up in writing and you can close him out of your life forever.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
GiveLove...the calls are being made to my parents' home, and I just contacted their phone provider to find out about call blocking. They don't offer that service. I can have his calls blocked to my cell phone but he never calls there. Usually he just texts and very rarely, he emails.
Because of the visitation, I'm obligated to keep the lines of communication somewhat open, which sucks. I do hope he does slip up via email but again, it would take A LOT for the courts here to deny him visitation. Canada's very "pro-father's rights", even if the father is an ex-con alcoholic who self-mutilates and has anger issues. He'd have to be a sexual predator for them to recommend supervised visitation...The family law courts here are strong supporters of granting children "The Right" to see both parents equally. yay for equal rights...
Because of the visitation, I'm obligated to keep the lines of communication somewhat open, which sucks. I do hope he does slip up via email but again, it would take A LOT for the courts here to deny him visitation. Canada's very "pro-father's rights", even if the father is an ex-con alcoholic who self-mutilates and has anger issues. He'd have to be a sexual predator for them to recommend supervised visitation...The family law courts here are strong supporters of granting children "The Right" to see both parents equally. yay for equal rights...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by nodaybut2day 
GiveLove...the calls are being made to my parents' home, and I just contacted their phone provider to find out about call blocking. They don't offer that service. I can have his calls blocked to my cell phone but he never calls there. Usually he just texts and very rarely, he emails.
Because of the visitation, I'm obligated to keep the lines of communication somewhat open, which sucks. I do hope he does slip up via email but again, it would take A LOT for the courts here to deny him visitation. Canada's very "pro-father's rights", even if the father is an ex-con alcoholic who self-mutilates and has anger issues. He'd have to be a sexual predator for them to recommend supervised visitation...The family law courts here are strong supporters of granting children "The Right" to see both parents equally. yay for equal rights...
Because of the visitation, I'm obligated to keep the lines of communication somewhat open, which sucks. I do hope he does slip up via email but again, it would take A LOT for the courts here to deny him visitation. Canada's very "pro-father's rights", even if the father is an ex-con alcoholic who self-mutilates and has anger issues. He'd have to be a sexual predator for them to recommend supervised visitation...The family law courts here are strong supporters of granting children "The Right" to see both parents equally. yay for equal rights...
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