Sad Newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Baltimore
Posts: 11
So I just talked to him. It went pretty much how I thought it would. He got a bit defensive and then tried to turn it around on me. Said all the things I thought he might--
I can stop anytime
You drink too
Our friends drink
I'll slow down
I don't have a problem
You knew I liked to have fun when you met me
You stop drinking
I kept say "I want you to go into a program" I just kept repeating it. He said "I'll go at some point" Again everything I thought he'd say.
So I said "then you give me no choice but to move out". He tried to manipulate me by saying "we can go back to our therapist and discuss it there". I said we can do that but I want you in another program too. He refused.
So I'll be packing my things and moving this weekend and staying with a friend until the house I found is available. Maybe I'll go visit my parents whom I haven't seen since Christmas.
I'm so terribly sad but I know that I'm doing what is best for me. I guess maybe I'm more sad that he picked drinking over me.
I can stop anytime
You drink too
Our friends drink
I'll slow down
I don't have a problem
You knew I liked to have fun when you met me
You stop drinking
I kept say "I want you to go into a program" I just kept repeating it. He said "I'll go at some point" Again everything I thought he'd say.
So I said "then you give me no choice but to move out". He tried to manipulate me by saying "we can go back to our therapist and discuss it there". I said we can do that but I want you in another program too. He refused.
So I'll be packing my things and moving this weekend and staying with a friend until the house I found is available. Maybe I'll go visit my parents whom I haven't seen since Christmas.
I'm so terribly sad but I know that I'm doing what is best for me. I guess maybe I'm more sad that he picked drinking over me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I'm so terribly sad but I know that I'm doing what is best for me. I guess maybe I'm more sad that he picked drinking over me.
Are you a little relieved?
Fantastic on the new house, HRB.
Maybe a visit to your parents would be a good thing now.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 566
Hugs to you, HRB, and congratulations on standing strong.
I'll say to you what was said to me by a long-time AA attendee following my breakup: "What an amazing life you have yet to lead. Congratulations on being free to find out what that will be."
posie
I'll say to you what was said to me by a long-time AA attendee following my breakup: "What an amazing life you have yet to lead. Congratulations on being free to find out what that will be."
posie
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Boston, MA (Mattapan) Legit ghetto but I love it
Posts: 174
HRB
Love is funny like that isn't it? My ex-fiance has PTSD. He broke off our engagement about a month ago. He had been treating me TERRIBLY before that but I always made excuses. Always thought things would get better. But they didn't. They got worse and now I drink every day to take away that pain. And that's on me. I can blame him all I want but it's my own fault.
YOU can't stop him from drinking. Only he can. Let me tell you something here...I don't think of myself as an alcoholic I'm not quite there yet but a lot of people consider me one. I've had people BEG me. BEG ME not to drink. And I still do. The craving, the NEED for it, is SO strong that NO ONE can stop you from drinking. The ONLY person with the POWER for that is the person holding the bottle. Your boyfriend need to decide for himself NOT to drink. You drinking more is NOT going to make him drink less. It's not because he doesn't care about you. It's because he's sick.
Alcoholism is a selfish disease. The things that matters most to your boyfriend is probably drinking. He has a serious problem. And if he can't love himself enough not to drink, he's not capable of a relationship. My ex's PTSD keeps him from being with me. And it sucks. It hurts like HELL. It breaks me heart. I LOVE him. But he can't love me back. And let me let you in on a little secret...I couldn't stop drinking for him. I don't think. I love him and would stick by him through anything, I love him despite the fact that he tore my heart into a million pieces. But I couldn't stop drinking for him. THAT says something about what it's like to feel like you NEED to drink.
I think you're a good person too. But I think you need to let this guy go. Maybe that's exactly what he needs. Maybe it will be the slap in the face of reality that will make him realize he has a problem. It's not an easy things to admit. I'm here on this board and maybe that's the first step but I still can't admit to having a problem. I assume its like that for most people. But you can't let him drag you down. Maybe someday he'll get better and you can be together but for now, this relationship isn't good for either of you. I know you love him and believe me when I say I know how hard it is to let go but sometimes we have to let people go and hope they come back but if he doesn't, if he can't work things with himself out then you WILL find someone else who deserve you. You obviously have a lot of love to give. You just have to find someone who's able to accept and return your love.
Good luck and god bless. <3
Love is funny like that isn't it? My ex-fiance has PTSD. He broke off our engagement about a month ago. He had been treating me TERRIBLY before that but I always made excuses. Always thought things would get better. But they didn't. They got worse and now I drink every day to take away that pain. And that's on me. I can blame him all I want but it's my own fault.
YOU can't stop him from drinking. Only he can. Let me tell you something here...I don't think of myself as an alcoholic I'm not quite there yet but a lot of people consider me one. I've had people BEG me. BEG ME not to drink. And I still do. The craving, the NEED for it, is SO strong that NO ONE can stop you from drinking. The ONLY person with the POWER for that is the person holding the bottle. Your boyfriend need to decide for himself NOT to drink. You drinking more is NOT going to make him drink less. It's not because he doesn't care about you. It's because he's sick.
Alcoholism is a selfish disease. The things that matters most to your boyfriend is probably drinking. He has a serious problem. And if he can't love himself enough not to drink, he's not capable of a relationship. My ex's PTSD keeps him from being with me. And it sucks. It hurts like HELL. It breaks me heart. I LOVE him. But he can't love me back. And let me let you in on a little secret...I couldn't stop drinking for him. I don't think. I love him and would stick by him through anything, I love him despite the fact that he tore my heart into a million pieces. But I couldn't stop drinking for him. THAT says something about what it's like to feel like you NEED to drink.
I think you're a good person too. But I think you need to let this guy go. Maybe that's exactly what he needs. Maybe it will be the slap in the face of reality that will make him realize he has a problem. It's not an easy things to admit. I'm here on this board and maybe that's the first step but I still can't admit to having a problem. I assume its like that for most people. But you can't let him drag you down. Maybe someday he'll get better and you can be together but for now, this relationship isn't good for either of you. I know you love him and believe me when I say I know how hard it is to let go but sometimes we have to let people go and hope they come back but if he doesn't, if he can't work things with himself out then you WILL find someone else who deserve you. You obviously have a lot of love to give. You just have to find someone who's able to accept and return your love.
Good luck and god bless. <3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Baltimore
Posts: 11
Thanks for all the kind words and the support. It really helps me to know so many other people are out there who have experienced the same thing and have "lived to tell about it".
Someonesomwhere thanks for your post it made me maybe understand a little bit about where he's coming from. I'm glad you are here and I'm glad you are one step closer to understanding what you have to do to be able to help yourself get better.
Someonesomwhere thanks for your post it made me maybe understand a little bit about where he's coming from. I'm glad you are here and I'm glad you are one step closer to understanding what you have to do to be able to help yourself get better.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Erie, Pa.
Posts: 91
Thanks!
Sharing where we are at in our lives not only helps us identify our own feelings, but the person reading these posts gets a better understanding of THEMSELVES to. Maybe that's not a fair statement... I'd rather say, that's definitely what I, personally, have found. READING is just as important as posting, for me.
I'm sorry this is so sad for you, it sucks, I know, but wanted to send a big thank you to "someonesomewhere" for their sharing. I know you already did, but I gained alot from that post as well.
Stay Strong.
It's inspiring for me...
Good luck and much happiness in your new home! Congrats!
SecretLife
I'm sorry this is so sad for you, it sucks, I know, but wanted to send a big thank you to "someonesomewhere" for their sharing. I know you already did, but I gained alot from that post as well.
Stay Strong.
It's inspiring for me...
Good luck and much happiness in your new home! Congrats!
SecretLife
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The beautiful Midwest
Posts: 202
[QUOTE=HRB;2576929]
"I can stop anytime
You drink too
Our friends drink
I'll slow down
I don't have a problem
You knew I liked to have fun when you met me
You stop drinking
I kept say "I want you to go into a program" I just kept repeating it. He said "I'll go at some point" Again everything I thought he'd say."
OMG!! If you only knew how many times I have heard every single one of those excuses over the past 5 years..........
"I can stop anytime
You drink too
Our friends drink
I'll slow down
I don't have a problem
You knew I liked to have fun when you met me
You stop drinking
I kept say "I want you to go into a program" I just kept repeating it. He said "I'll go at some point" Again everything I thought he'd say."
OMG!! If you only knew how many times I have heard every single one of those excuses over the past 5 years..........
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
I'm so terribly sad but I know that I'm doing what is best for me. I guess maybe I'm more sad that he picked drinking over me.
yep.
it's an awful feeling, when we just wanted to be loved, cherished, treated well. but he is in love with another, as you know. and he doesn't even realize it.
it's a sad state to be in, but you are learning quickly! one day, you may even look back and see the gifts contained in this painful part of your history.
welcome to this forum. i hope you keep coming back
yep.
it's an awful feeling, when we just wanted to be loved, cherished, treated well. but he is in love with another, as you know. and he doesn't even realize it.
it's a sad state to be in, but you are learning quickly! one day, you may even look back and see the gifts contained in this painful part of your history.
welcome to this forum. i hope you keep coming back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Baltimore
Posts: 11
Some of my clothes are packed and my office because I need that to work because I work from hom. Kitchen was too overwhelming so I'm bagging that for now and will tackle that later.
He didn't stay at the house this weekend and has started sending me txts about how he loves me. I appreciate that but I want him to get help. I can't continue to be subjected to his behavior. My friends have been great and I'm so thankful for them.
He didn't stay at the house this weekend and has started sending me txts about how he loves me. I appreciate that but I want him to get help. I can't continue to be subjected to his behavior. My friends have been great and I'm so thankful for them.
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