Doesthis sound fishy?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Doesthis sound fishy?
My stbxah emailed me this morning asking if we can file out taxes together as he would owe a lot if we didnt. His reasoning is valid as I looked it up. He would have to itemize because I do and he has nothing to itemize so therefore he loses the standard credit he needs and would owe thousands..I tell him as much as I would love to help..I need my refund for the lawyer bill and am waiting on his divorce papers.
He tells me he still hasnt filed because the lawyer wants 2500 and he thinks that is too much considering we have no assests to divide and is looking into a legal prgram through work. He is the one who broke no contact last week to tell me he is filing divorce and still has not done so. And he is the one who told me last month he was going to a lawyer to file for divorce.
He says I can keep the whole refund -- he just doesnt have to pay.
My thinking is if he is so gung ho on getting rid of me..why does he care? I would think he would pay anything to get rid of me since he wants to divorce me so badly.
What in the world is he thinking? Just sounds so fishy to me... As usual none of this makes sense.
He tells me he still hasnt filed because the lawyer wants 2500 and he thinks that is too much considering we have no assests to divide and is looking into a legal prgram through work. He is the one who broke no contact last week to tell me he is filing divorce and still has not done so. And he is the one who told me last month he was going to a lawyer to file for divorce.
He says I can keep the whole refund -- he just doesnt have to pay.
My thinking is if he is so gung ho on getting rid of me..why does he care? I would think he would pay anything to get rid of me since he wants to divorce me so badly.
What in the world is he thinking? Just sounds so fishy to me... As usual none of this makes sense.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I recommend you do what it takes to take care of yourself. Get an attorney to take care of your divorce. Get an accountant to do your taxes.
It sounds to me as if your STBX was quacking about filing the divorce and the taxes. He has no intention to part with his own money to file for divorce. quack, quack, quack...Is this manipulation to keep you from following through with your own personal plans?
Did you get your extension filed with your accountant yet? Is your STBX manipulating you into a last minute decision to file jointly? Without a legal petition for divorce already in the court system, he may be entitled to 1/2 of your tax refund by filing jointly (depending on laws in your state).
I believe your STBX is quacking. I believe he is manipulating you into doing what is in his best interest. If you feel confused, chances are you are not being given the truth.
This is your tax return. This is your divorce to legally end this manipulative relationship. This is your life! You are important and your happiness is very important!
It sounds to me as if your STBX was quacking about filing the divorce and the taxes. He has no intention to part with his own money to file for divorce. quack, quack, quack...Is this manipulation to keep you from following through with your own personal plans?
Did you get your extension filed with your accountant yet? Is your STBX manipulating you into a last minute decision to file jointly? Without a legal petition for divorce already in the court system, he may be entitled to 1/2 of your tax refund by filing jointly (depending on laws in your state).
I believe your STBX is quacking. I believe he is manipulating you into doing what is in his best interest. If you feel confused, chances are you are not being given the truth.
This is your tax return. This is your divorce to legally end this manipulative relationship. This is your life! You are important and your happiness is very important!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 105
Hey, Lulu--just went through this myself, except that I filed Married Filing Separately last week without telling him. I took the deductions I was entitled to --including lots of unreimbursed medical resulting from the stress of this year--and just told him today. I will get a refund, and I know he was looking forward to "using" that extra withholding for himself.
I decided to do this because I don't trust him and refuse to sign anything with him again, except the divorce papers lol.
So my vote is to do what works best for you...I'm guessing for the first time in a while???
Trust your instincts (I'm still working on that!) and so if it sounds fishy to you, it probably is.
Take care. You are not alone.
I decided to do this because I don't trust him and refuse to sign anything with him again, except the divorce papers lol.
So my vote is to do what works best for you...I'm guessing for the first time in a while???
Trust your instincts (I'm still working on that!) and so if it sounds fishy to you, it probably is.
Take care. You are not alone.
Only stepping forward
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
I actually got on here tonight to search through posts regarding if anyone thought the A could ever be trusted. Your post seems to ask the same question.
I don't know what's going through your A's head with this. But I can tell you that my ex husband and I made a similar "arrangement" when we separated as far as taxes go. We did file together, because he would have ended up owing. I honestly didn't trust his "you can have it all, use my share to pay an attorney" suggestion. I had this crazy gut feeling that it would end up being used against me somehow.
When we filed, we had the return direct deposited. Some went into his account, some went into mine. After the papers were filed, we didn't have to be together to cash a check. We never had to see each other again.
I don't know what's going through your A's head with this. But I can tell you that my ex husband and I made a similar "arrangement" when we separated as far as taxes go. We did file together, because he would have ended up owing. I honestly didn't trust his "you can have it all, use my share to pay an attorney" suggestion. I had this crazy gut feeling that it would end up being used against me somehow.
When we filed, we had the return direct deposited. Some went into his account, some went into mine. After the papers were filed, we didn't have to be together to cash a check. We never had to see each other again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Yes, because of where I live we all have an extension due to the flooding till May 11th so I still have time. Over a month ago when I tried to see him, he ran away from me and cut me off and wanted no contact and was filing for divorce..5 weeks later this..
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I agree. Do whatever is best for you, regardless of how it works out for him. I wouldn't trust the "you can have the refund" at all. Since you are still legally married, he is entitled to half. And even if he does give it to you when it arrives, he can still ask for half of it in the settlement. If it doesn't create a financial hardship for you, I would think filing separately is the way to go.
*disclaimer* I am neither a lawyer or an accountant. Best to make your decision after you get some advice from professionals.
L
*disclaimer* I am neither a lawyer or an accountant. Best to make your decision after you get some advice from professionals.
L
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
This is so fishy to me, I can feel scales, smell it and see it swimming.
After all his c**p to you, now HE needs, He wants and expects you to give him another chance to screw you.
Trust him not to take the money and leave you stranded?
To quote from My Fair Lady......."Not bloody likely".
God bless
After all his c**p to you, now HE needs, He wants and expects you to give him another chance to screw you.
Trust him not to take the money and leave you stranded?
To quote from My Fair Lady......."Not bloody likely".
God bless
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
As a tax professional - I can tell you I see this quite often
It's ultimately your decision on what is best for you - but if I may please let me give you a little more information that I would give to anyone that would contact our office in a similiar situation:
I'm not sure about the Community Property Laws in NJ - but in Louisiana the laws are quite clear
If you file a joint return - you have joint responsibility. If for some reason, either spouse provides less than accurate information - filing joint means that you will be liable for all information provided on that return. If adding a spouse's income means you have a balance due - you will be liable for the money due to the IRS (plus any penalities and interest) If one spouse has provided fraudalent information, the other spouse could be subject to any and all penalities accessed on that years tax return.
There is an option to have the refund deposited to different accounts - but you will need to check with the financial institution about releasing funds. There has been some difficulties in monies being released from a single taxpayers account when the refund was actually issued in both spouses name.
Each and every situation is truly different - please know that these are GENERAL Answers and not specific to your situation. Since you have time because of the extension in your area - you might want to seek some advice from a professional tax service. I know that the company will answer questions such as yours for NO Charge.
Send me a PM if you are interested.
Remember it's totally ok to do what is BEST for you - It's about self-care and self-respect and You deserve it.
HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity)
Rita
It's ultimately your decision on what is best for you - but if I may please let me give you a little more information that I would give to anyone that would contact our office in a similiar situation:
I'm not sure about the Community Property Laws in NJ - but in Louisiana the laws are quite clear
If you file a joint return - you have joint responsibility. If for some reason, either spouse provides less than accurate information - filing joint means that you will be liable for all information provided on that return. If adding a spouse's income means you have a balance due - you will be liable for the money due to the IRS (plus any penalities and interest) If one spouse has provided fraudalent information, the other spouse could be subject to any and all penalities accessed on that years tax return.
There is an option to have the refund deposited to different accounts - but you will need to check with the financial institution about releasing funds. There has been some difficulties in monies being released from a single taxpayers account when the refund was actually issued in both spouses name.
Each and every situation is truly different - please know that these are GENERAL Answers and not specific to your situation. Since you have time because of the extension in your area - you might want to seek some advice from a professional tax service. I know that the company will answer questions such as yours for NO Charge.
Send me a PM if you are interested.
Remember it's totally ok to do what is BEST for you - It's about self-care and self-respect and You deserve it.
HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity)
Rita
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by Jadmack25 
This is so fishy to me, I can feel scales, smell it and see it swimming.
After all his c**p to you, now HE needs, He wants and expects you to give him another chance to screw you.
Trust him not to take the money and leave you stranded?
To quote from My Fair Lady......."Not bloody likely".
God bless
After all his c**p to you, now HE needs, He wants and expects you to give him another chance to screw you.
Trust him not to take the money and leave you stranded?
To quote from My Fair Lady......."Not bloody likely".
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by anvilhead
are the assets you are basing any of your itemized deductions on JOINT property? even if you do married filing separate, you could still "share" the deductions....mortgage interest and the like. that would reduce YOUR return tho.....if it were me, i MIGHT consider that option, if i knew for a FACT that he was going to owe, and owe big time.
however, i would not in a million years trust me SOON TO BE EX alcoholic husband to not make off with the cash ne'er to be seen again. he has proven himself incapable of living up to his word. if it were me, i'd have my taxes done by a professional, and hire my own attorney and work hard at EX'ing him out of the equation.
however, i would not in a million years trust me SOON TO BE EX alcoholic husband to not make off with the cash ne'er to be seen again. he has proven himself incapable of living up to his word. if it were me, i'd have my taxes done by a professional, and hire my own attorney and work hard at EX'ing him out of the equation.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
perhaps he is coming to see you after treating you like the plague because he wants something?
it all sounds very fishy to me.
perhaps best to take care of your own finances and let him take care of his.
i know it's hard to do, but stop taking care of him.
if he owes money in taxes, then he owes money in taxes.
it has nothing to do with you.
no contact means no contact. if you file together, it will probably lead to having to be in contact with him. then, of course, there is the issue of the refund. my alcoholic was 100% unreliable and when money was involved, he would say anything and then run off with it, not looking back or wondering if i had enough to get by.
don't underestimate him or his lover, alcohol.
as for the divorce, probably best to not wait on him doing something. if you want a divorce, then file for it yourself. do you really think he will spend $2500 on a divorce when he can buy alcohol instead with that money?
naive
it all sounds very fishy to me.
perhaps best to take care of your own finances and let him take care of his.
i know it's hard to do, but stop taking care of him.
if he owes money in taxes, then he owes money in taxes.
it has nothing to do with you.
no contact means no contact. if you file together, it will probably lead to having to be in contact with him. then, of course, there is the issue of the refund. my alcoholic was 100% unreliable and when money was involved, he would say anything and then run off with it, not looking back or wondering if i had enough to get by.
don't underestimate him or his lover, alcohol.
as for the divorce, probably best to not wait on him doing something. if you want a divorce, then file for it yourself. do you really think he will spend $2500 on a divorce when he can buy alcohol instead with that money?
naive
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
You can't trust them. Nothing personal, just the nature of the beast.
Recovered alcoholics I have known display a wide spectrum of reliability. Some are great, better than me LOL, while others are not reliable. Maybe they were never reliable.
Recovered alcoholics I have known display a wide spectrum of reliability. Some are great, better than me LOL, while others are not reliable. Maybe they were never reliable.
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