I Have Been Questioning my Decision........
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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I Have Been Questioning my Decision........
Tonight - My AH called and said he had been by here today t pick up a few things and hearing his "nice" voice made me miss him. It made me cry. We talked but then he started talking crazy about how his truck was gonna be repo'd now because of me cause he could not pay for it and I was shocked back into reality. We hung up and I was fine. I then started missing him at dinner time - I don't know why cause I always eat alone- I then was changing the huge King Size bed that is now way too big and his pillows made me sad and cry. I then dropped something on his side and bent down to get it and lo and behold - I know why he came by............. He keeps a camera under there that he watched little dirty videos on - When I am not around or maybe when I am in the the other room who knows but I have known it was there. Well - that was gone. WTH? So- Our lives are in turmoil - your marriage may be over - and you need your porn? Good Lord- What the hell ?
Last edited by Redheadsusie; 04-13-2010 at 06:44 PM. Reason: Misspelled
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
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And are you still questioning your decision?
A man who kept (made?) secret porn videos, who always made you eat alone, who doesn't have the responsibility to pay for his own vehicle, who blames you for everything wrong......
Sounds to me like you made the right choice. {shrug}
It is hard to change habits....it might feel like missing but it's oftentime just habit.
A man who kept (made?) secret porn videos, who always made you eat alone, who doesn't have the responsibility to pay for his own vehicle, who blames you for everything wrong......
Sounds to me like you made the right choice. {shrug}
It is hard to change habits....it might feel like missing but it's oftentime just habit.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
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Originally Posted by Redheadsusie 
Tonight - My AH called and said he had been by here today t pick up a few things and hearing his "nice" voice made me miss him. It made me cry. We talked but then he started talking crazy about how his truck was gonna be repo'd now because of me cause he could not pay for it and I was shocked back into reality. We hung up and I was fine. I then started missing him at dinner time - I don't know why cause I always eat alone- I then was changing the huge King Size bed that is now way too big and his pillows made me sad and cry. I then dropped something on his side and bent down to get it and lo and behold - I know why he came by............. He keeps a camera under there that he watched little dirty videos on - When I am not around or maybe when I am in the the other room who knows but I have known it was there. Well - that was gone. WTH? So- Our lives are in turmoil - your marriage may be over - and you need your porn? Good Lord- What the hell ?
This helped me tremendously...
"The Complete Guide for Men and Women Divorcing"
That in a very real sense, living alone presents you with the possibility of knowing yourself at far deeper levels than you ever did before. Constructive solitude enables you to make friends with yourself, while loneliness perpetuates the belief that you are your own worst enemy. The difference between solitude and loneliness is the difference between viewing yourself as a person who has the ability to prevail over adversity and viewing yourself as a victim of a terrible fate over which you have no control.
Now that you are living alone, you need not "live lonely." You can transform that time you spend with yourself into a time of constructive solitude:
* you can meditate
* keep a journal of your daily experiences
* reach out to friends (by calling, writing letters)
* study toward advancing your career
* indulge in new hobbies
* reevaluate your goals and priorities
* invite new friends over for dinner
You can make all these things happen at little or no economic cost to yourself. Your primary motivation to stop wallowing in self-pity is your primary expense.
Now that you are living alone, you need not "live lonely." You can transform that time you spend with yourself into a time of constructive solitude:
* you can meditate
* keep a journal of your daily experiences
* reach out to friends (by calling, writing letters)
* study toward advancing your career
* indulge in new hobbies
* reevaluate your goals and priorities
* invite new friends over for dinner
You can make all these things happen at little or no economic cost to yourself. Your primary motivation to stop wallowing in self-pity is your primary expense.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Redheadsusie, please, please tell me what this big baby has, that you find attractive.
You told us he was lazy, did as he wants, contributes SFA to household caretaking and finances, drinks like a fish, leaves you alone a lot, is into porn, is very demanding.
He goes and buys what HE wants, but has no dough so expects you to pay.
Don't you dare baby him anymore, now you start to pamper yourself, because you deserve the best and he isn't even sausage meat.
So his sign of macho man, his truck, may be repossessed....and it is your fault cause you haven't made the payment....my heart bleeds for him!!!!
Imagine life totally free of him clinging to you like ivy, and instead of you working to keep him happy with his toys, you get to keep your money, spend it as you want, and you and your boys can really live it up.
No more whining, moaning or lying, no more excuses, no more bills for his toys and fun times. Bonus is that you could be free for a real, mature and loving man with a brain to appreciate you, and treat you like the queen you are.
Tell the court jester to take a hike, and find somewhere else to take up room, he's not wanted in your castle anymore.
Stay strong, and please do not give in to missing him, it will go away.
God bless
You told us he was lazy, did as he wants, contributes SFA to household caretaking and finances, drinks like a fish, leaves you alone a lot, is into porn, is very demanding.
He goes and buys what HE wants, but has no dough so expects you to pay.
Don't you dare baby him anymore, now you start to pamper yourself, because you deserve the best and he isn't even sausage meat.
So his sign of macho man, his truck, may be repossessed....and it is your fault cause you haven't made the payment....my heart bleeds for him!!!!
Imagine life totally free of him clinging to you like ivy, and instead of you working to keep him happy with his toys, you get to keep your money, spend it as you want, and you and your boys can really live it up.
No more whining, moaning or lying, no more excuses, no more bills for his toys and fun times. Bonus is that you could be free for a real, mature and loving man with a brain to appreciate you, and treat you like the queen you are.
Tell the court jester to take a hike, and find somewhere else to take up room, he's not wanted in your castle anymore.
Stay strong, and please do not give in to missing him, it will go away.
God bless
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: pa
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It hurts I know,Time will be what it takes for you to feel better.
Take this time to work on you. When I took a good look ay myself and why I allowed this behavior of my supposed love of my life,I began to grow and love myself. I knew I deserved to be loved by someone WHO WAS ABLE to love me back.
Take this time to work on you. When I took a good look ay myself and why I allowed this behavior of my supposed love of my life,I began to grow and love myself. I knew I deserved to be loved by someone WHO WAS ABLE to love me back.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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You ladies give me strength and I thank you. I am staying strong.... Hammerhead what great ideas. I started a book last night called 101 Things to Do to Improve you Life. It is awesome. AH had seen it on my table and laughed at it. Nice. Anyway- I would not know what to do in a normal- whatever that is- relationship. I need to get healthy because I am really sick with codependcy issues. My oldest will be home tomorrow and he gives me strength. Such a great freakin kid- I feel so proud of both of my wonderful sons. Makes me know I am not the big B and horrible person I have been told I was. Thanks Again........ Much appreciated ...... The more grateful I am, the more reasons I find to be grateful !
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I understand being weirded out by missing him, almost as if your feelings betray you somehow, but it's normal. There was a set pattern in your life, you got used to it, and now it's changing, and your mind is struggling to adjust. Humans are creatures of habit and we generally don't embrace change easily. So be gentle with yourself, (remember the porn stash) and keep posting on SR 
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Oh My God- It was bad porn too - From the 70's . I think I just upchucked in my mouth !
the music alone was nauseating and no plotlines at all.
wait, how do i know all that?
i think i spoke too much.
:
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I started a book last night called 101 Things to Do to Improve you Life. It is awesome. AH had seen it on my table and laughed at it.
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Originally Posted by Redheadsusie
I started a book last night called 101 Things to Do to Improve you Life. It is awesome. AH had seen it on my table and laughed at it.
* Many times in order to recognize improvement we have to know/acknowledge where we are and for the A's they just don't want to truthfully admit where they are... so the concept is somewhat foreign to them.
...... The more grateful I am, the more reasons I find to be grateful !
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then was changing the huge King Size bed that is now way too big
Uh??? there's NO king size bed that is way too big!!! God I miss the one I had before. Magazines, pizza leftovers, the laptop to watch movies, and you can still ROLL and play with the cats on the other side, really, it rules
Boy I love it how they laugh about anything related to improving! XABF laughed when I went to a 4th and 5th step spiritual retreat.. it has been the hardest thing I have endured..
They really have no idea! how can anyone think of improving their life!! how can anyone aim to FEEL BETTER? DUH?
Uh??? there's NO king size bed that is way too big!!! God I miss the one I had before. Magazines, pizza leftovers, the laptop to watch movies, and you can still ROLL and play with the cats on the other side, really, it rules
Boy I love it how they laugh about anything related to improving! XABF laughed when I went to a 4th and 5th step spiritual retreat.. it has been the hardest thing I have endured..
They really have no idea! how can anyone think of improving their life!! how can anyone aim to FEEL BETTER? DUH?
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