Don't believe the bad things....
 

So I think a lot of us deal with the really crappy things our X or Current A's have said to us. It seems so easy sometimes to believe those bad things that they say. It all takes a toll on our spirits, emotions etc..... I know that I cried quite a bit this weekend from hearing my X-A "friend" tell me I was clearly insane....

But, today I was thinking about just that. Why we often put so much focus on those bad things.....

The day I got those texts from my XA, I also got a letter from a man that I have been exchanging emails with. It was a thank you letter for a coffee mug I sent him for his birthday. In it he said this to me ....

"....so this is completely a thank you note. Your kindness, thoughtfulness and grace as a person have been proven to me today....."

I cried when I read those words. They are so simple, but after immediately reading words telling me how crazy I was to think there was ever a relationship, and it's my fault that we are not friends anymore.... these simple words hit me, because someone actually acknowledged kindness. All for a $7 coffee mug!
I spent months concerned with the happiness of my XA, and the acknowledgement I get is "yeah, I have my ex back, don't need you anymore.... but thanks for the sex one night (which i'm not even going to acknowledge even happened with you anyway)..."

I thought it was a bit ironic that I opened that letter right after those text messages. A reminder from my HP maybe that I really am a good person and not insane?? Who knows.

What I do know, is that I want to pay attention and focus more on those good things that people say, and take THOSE to heart and not the other crap. Because the other crap doesn't matter.

Just kinda wanted to remind everyone that when someone tells you how awful you are..... don't let that resonate with you. When someone tells you how beautiful, kind, thoughtful, gracious, giving and caring you are, let that be what sits with you FOREVER because that is the reality!:You_Rock_

Or better yet, KNOW that you are beautiful, kind, thoughtful, gracious, giving and caring no matter what ANYONE tells you. :c031:

L

It's so easy to tell someone what a horrible person they are, but it's harder for "some " people to tell you something nice. With my AH its like he feels like I don't deserve a good or kind word. You should have seen his face when I told him that I have lots of friends and they all think that I am a good person. They actually LIKE me! His face sort of looked sad, and he had nothing else to say.
It makes me feel sad for people like him and your ex, that feel so bad about themselves that they can't give a kind word to someone else.
:cries3:

Kitty-what a great reminder. Thank you. I had a similar experience last week. A close colleague of mine and incoming Chair to an organization I am currently president of, was having a really crappy week last week. Every morning he woke up to a plumbing nitemare (water in the basement one day; no water the next). He is aware I am going thru a painful divorce and I just sent him a email response that said what can I do for you today?

He picked up the phone and, while I couldn't answer when he called, he left me the most heartwarming voicemail. He said this is the stuff that makes me such a great friend for him. He said with all the crap I am going thru-I actually asked what I could do for him. Granted, we don't even live in the same state, but it was the thought that moved him enough to pick up the phone and thank me.

All I could think was, hey, I'm not a bad person afterall...after all the stuff I used to do for my STBXRAH and NEVER got a thank you...it was so strangely intoxicating-so I know exactly what you are talking about.

:tyou

I had this experience as well...my ex was brilliant at saying things that I to this day cannot get out of my head. A lot of those things made no sense in relation to me and that's why they bug me so much...one of the things my ex called me after *he* canceled a trip at the last minute that *I* paid for, was a brat. I was already crying, already sad, and that's all I was to him. He then proceeded to tell me he was interested in someone else. Who's the brat?

So a few months ago I was out with another male friend and he asked me about how I managed to support myself all of these years and whether I ever asked my parents for money. The fact is I haven't, and I'm far from a brat, I work very hard for the small things I have (not much). He told me he thought that was amazing and really admirable. It was the antidote.