Umm, What?
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Umm, What?
the typical responses to my boundary of getting help I suppose I've gotten used to. There's the lashing out with insults, the pity-party, the begging, the blaming, the bargaining...
what I wasn't prepared for was a comment like, "If I have to quit, so do you."
me: "Of course I wouldn't drink around u"
"No, never. Its only fair"
me: realizing how UNFAIR that is...."uhh...what?"
I haven't read anything like this anywhere so I didn't know what to say. The only reason I am open to reading the text messages is because he's begging me for a second chance. He thinks he has something to prove to me prior to getting help. LOL. I'm not sure what there is to prove to me when you're just now attempting to be sober and I don't want to be around you until you are and are committed.....
I've been getting a lot of "I've changed! I'm really trying! I miss you! It's going slow, but I'm making progress, just come hang out for awhile. Let me take you out."
Which I'm sure is VERY common. But the ole "I'll quit when u quit..was weird..I don't even drink socially that much, so if I wanted to, it would be pretty easy, but I was like what are trying to do here?
He keeps asking to see me, which is sweet in a way, but why doesn't he just get that will happen once he gets help? Like literally after I say that he asks again. He's never been like this. He must really miss me. i know I do. But I'm not giving in! Its fun to think about what we'd do and I just do that when asks now. JUst pretend for a bit to control the urge to give in. Which, doesn't really happen because I am VERY guarded now.
In a good way.
what I wasn't prepared for was a comment like, "If I have to quit, so do you."
me: "Of course I wouldn't drink around u"
"No, never. Its only fair"
me: realizing how UNFAIR that is...."uhh...what?"
I haven't read anything like this anywhere so I didn't know what to say. The only reason I am open to reading the text messages is because he's begging me for a second chance. He thinks he has something to prove to me prior to getting help. LOL. I'm not sure what there is to prove to me when you're just now attempting to be sober and I don't want to be around you until you are and are committed.....
I've been getting a lot of "I've changed! I'm really trying! I miss you! It's going slow, but I'm making progress, just come hang out for awhile. Let me take you out."
Which I'm sure is VERY common. But the ole "I'll quit when u quit..was weird..I don't even drink socially that much, so if I wanted to, it would be pretty easy, but I was like what are trying to do here?
He keeps asking to see me, which is sweet in a way, but why doesn't he just get that will happen once he gets help? Like literally after I say that he asks again. He's never been like this. He must really miss me. i know I do. But I'm not giving in! Its fun to think about what we'd do and I just do that when asks now. JUst pretend for a bit to control the urge to give in. Which, doesn't really happen because I am VERY guarded now.
In a good way.
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So the reason he isn't quitting is because....you....a non-alcoholic....haven't quit?
It's YOUR fault, in other words.
It's nice that he misses you. But it doesn't appear that he's changed. He's just shifted tactics, pushing this button and that button trying to find the one that works. And he's still not listening to a word you're saying. It's not your feelings that matter. It's getting what he wants (control of you back). Sad, isn't it?
Good luck with everything, Mary. Sounds like you see through this one.
It's YOUR fault, in other words.
It's nice that he misses you. But it doesn't appear that he's changed. He's just shifted tactics, pushing this button and that button trying to find the one that works. And he's still not listening to a word you're saying. It's not your feelings that matter. It's getting what he wants (control of you back). Sad, isn't it?
Good luck with everything, Mary. Sounds like you see through this one.
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once when i was asking my addict about therapy he said "why don't you get some therapy? you're a sick as i am" i said we were talking about him at that moment, but yes, if he asked me to see a therapist i certainly would. in fact, i reminded him that if he had any reasonable request of me, i would probably do it. to me, that's loving. (note i said reasonable). you have brought up an issue with this man that causes (as you see it) a problem. you have asked him to address it. he should not be bringing up any issue he believes you have in the context of that conversation.
have you ever told him that if he could go off and get sober, be in recovery for a time, then maybe you would reconsider being with him?
have you ever told him that if he could go off and get sober, be in recovery for a time, then maybe you would reconsider being with him?
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Thanks Givelove. I do see through it and no he hasn't changed, he hasn't done anything to the level of what needs to be done. If anything he's abstaining from things,but he needs serious help. Even though it didn't get to me, I was having trouble breaking that one down into one of those categories. You are right, its the blame shift.
Coffee - yeah I have said that. He is testing the waters. Because he keeps saying "you;re leaving, what's the point" "just see me now"
I have told him once he is sober i would reconsider definitely.
It's not sinking in. Oddly enoough, things are more than the would normally but he keeps doing this thing where he doesn't believe I will be able to give him enough time or something. he keeps wanted to prove himself NOW.I'm not sure if he thinks he's able to be sober.
Coffee - yeah I have said that. He is testing the waters. Because he keeps saying "you;re leaving, what's the point" "just see me now"
I have told him once he is sober i would reconsider definitely.
It's not sinking in. Oddly enoough, things are more than the would normally but he keeps doing this thing where he doesn't believe I will be able to give him enough time or something. he keeps wanted to prove himself NOW.I'm not sure if he thinks he's able to be sober.
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Mine said we were wasting time by not being together. He said this after being sober for 9 days. No program, just not drinking for 9 days. Same as yours, he misses me so much, has to talk to me, send me messages, etc. He's changed, and made so much progress, and I need to give him another (this would be the 3rd or 4th) chance. After 9 days. I tell him "call me in 6 months after you have been sober and working a program" and he says that those 6 months are wasted time that we should be together.
Please... I'm done trying to explain to him.
He insists that he is in love with me.
I think he is addicted to me.
Anyone who can't stand to just be with themselves for a couple of months, and devote time and attention to becoming a better person, has issues that I don't want no part of.
Please... I'm done trying to explain to him.
He insists that he is in love with me.
I think he is addicted to me.
Anyone who can't stand to just be with themselves for a couple of months, and devote time and attention to becoming a better person, has issues that I don't want no part of.
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So many times I painted myself into a corner by putting conditions on my marriage. I told him he must do this or that in order to have a relationship with me. He always found the loophole in my "rules." Finally, I just said that the marriage is not working for me as it is. You do whatever you want or feel you need to do, and I will do the same. Honestly, he knew at that point what my problems with him were.
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Well, it's always something isn't it? Some reason, some excuse. I have a hangnail today. I need you to do this or that first. You nag = I drink. Blah blah blah.
The moment I made it clear to my AH that he could no longer drink in the house, I meant that for me also. No booze in the house, period. I didn't feel comfortable asking him not to do something I was doing. That was my personal choice however.
Now? He claims he "repossessed" my vehicle in the middle of the night because I need his "help" to get myself into rehab. Wrap your head around that one.
There is always something to take the heat off them. Every.single.time. Until such time as they embrace recovery...if they ever do.
Your drinking has nothing to do with HIS recovery, just remember that.
The moment I made it clear to my AH that he could no longer drink in the house, I meant that for me also. No booze in the house, period. I didn't feel comfortable asking him not to do something I was doing. That was my personal choice however.
Now? He claims he "repossessed" my vehicle in the middle of the night because I need his "help" to get myself into rehab. Wrap your head around that one.
There is always something to take the heat off them. Every.single.time. Until such time as they embrace recovery...if they ever do.
Your drinking has nothing to do with HIS recovery, just remember that.
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Just so I'm caught up, so the texting started big time after that day he walked next to you and talked to you for the first time in a long time? Last week right? So now he's doing the bargaining negotiating thing? That is weird. It sounds like he's just trying to hook you in to see if you'll engage in the negotiating...to see if he still has some power. If you'll negotiate, then he still has a chance to get his enabler riiiiight back where he wants her.
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Yeah KP, ya go it right. I do feel strong and realistic about everything that is said. it kind of goes in one ear and the other....actions due speak louder than words.
haha. lol, yes anvil. you are right. Yeah I'm geting a lot of "this is only a problem for you" etc type talk. He's only just now processing the IDEA of getting help. So chances are it really won't happen soon, even if he does go. He went from "I'll think about it" --> "I've been thinking" ---> "I'll go to rhab once I'm done with school (one or two semesters left)"
He also apologized for everything and he's never done that before. I was shocked, I really was prepared to never get one. Ever. For anything. He said he really wanted to apologize face to face (but I won't spend any type of time with him in person)
O yeah he's tried to get me to bend in many ways. He tests me nearly everyday now with trying to convince me to hang out, for one. Ask me questions about it,etc. Its great to have the space for our dialogue to improve. There is a better understanding of each other's feelings once I set boundaries for myself. Its really amazing how that seemed to happen. Its really empowering to not be affected by the pursuit to get me to bend and say no, thanks!
Yeah, I need to be very careful. But honestly, I feel like by the week as he test me, he considers going to rehab etc. more and more seriously and he's told me he's thought about it before I even mentioned it, so I know its not entirely to appease me. He's sick of living his life the way he is, etc. But I am very well aware that he may never do so and I really just kind of feel numb about it because it doesn't mean everything will be magically better the day he goes. I think getting there is a gradual process, just as my recovery is. And things are better for me, so I'm glad.
Anvil, what should I do? LOL. Really. Keep working on me and continue to give it HP?
haha. lol, yes anvil. you are right. Yeah I'm geting a lot of "this is only a problem for you" etc type talk. He's only just now processing the IDEA of getting help. So chances are it really won't happen soon, even if he does go. He went from "I'll think about it" --> "I've been thinking" ---> "I'll go to rhab once I'm done with school (one or two semesters left)"
He also apologized for everything and he's never done that before. I was shocked, I really was prepared to never get one. Ever. For anything. He said he really wanted to apologize face to face (but I won't spend any type of time with him in person)
O yeah he's tried to get me to bend in many ways. He tests me nearly everyday now with trying to convince me to hang out, for one. Ask me questions about it,etc. Its great to have the space for our dialogue to improve. There is a better understanding of each other's feelings once I set boundaries for myself. Its really amazing how that seemed to happen. Its really empowering to not be affected by the pursuit to get me to bend and say no, thanks!
Yeah, I need to be very careful. But honestly, I feel like by the week as he test me, he considers going to rehab etc. more and more seriously and he's told me he's thought about it before I even mentioned it, so I know its not entirely to appease me. He's sick of living his life the way he is, etc. But I am very well aware that he may never do so and I really just kind of feel numb about it because it doesn't mean everything will be magically better the day he goes. I think getting there is a gradual process, just as my recovery is. And things are better for me, so I'm glad.
Anvil, what should I do? LOL. Really. Keep working on me and continue to give it HP?
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My advice? Stop talking to him. He's wearing you down, saying the things he thinks you want to hear. If he wants to get clean, he'll do it for him, not for you...not for the chance that you'll be there waiting after rehab, blah, blah, blah. He's playing you. Don't fall for it.
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I remember how excited I was when my X apologized to me for the first time - it was really a thrill! Didn't mean a thing, but he knew I wanted to hear it and so he said it to get me back. At that point we were still playing a game -- it was all about who could manipulate who to do what they wanted/needed them to do, pulling out all the stops to put pressure on each other. Unflattering view of myself, sure. But it was true.
I wish I'd had the recovery under my belt at that point to know that dangling a carrot in front of him (me) to get him into rehab would never work. Even if it did it, it wouldn't last, and he'd just resent me. He had to want to get sober with everything he had...for himself.
And he didn't want to.
I had to learn that lesson the hard way, though!!
I wish I'd had the recovery under my belt at that point to know that dangling a carrot in front of him (me) to get him into rehab would never work. Even if it did it, it wouldn't last, and he'd just resent me. He had to want to get sober with everything he had...for himself.
And he didn't want to.
I had to learn that lesson the hard way, though!!
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Thank you all for the replies. And I know he has to do it for himself. It wouldn't last otherwise. My life does go on regardless. My point is that I think he's close. I would like to believe that I have enough intelligence and trust to know the difference between a real apology and once just to appease/win me back. And it means something to me without having a need to take him back. I am glad I opened the doors a bit because some things have been cleared up.
Would I recommend everyone do it? NOOOOO. Do I think I need to pull away again now? Yes.
Perhaps I am wrong. But that is irrelevant. He'll either been in treatment or not. And right now, he may be honestly contemplating it, and I really do know that ain't ****...however I believe in him and I've told him that. Of course I can look like the fool, but I do believe he will go one day. Has he yet? no. Am I upset by this ? No. Maybe he never will....but my life isn't stopping anymore. So I win.
I said I don't want to see you until you are in recovery for me.Because I honestly don't. The fact that he keeps pushing to see me is just an opportunity in my mind to express my compassion but further drive my convictions home. He gets that its not because I hate him now and I kind of don't care what he does. Of course I prefer he does, but I am just grateful things in general are better for me....
Every relationship on here has the same story line and we can learn from that, but I still love him and believe he truly is sorry. Going back on that inner sense of knowing makes me question myself and feel crazy, like I need to check and see how sorry he really is or something. He's said he's sorry for things that have happened. He's trying to change and maybe he'll go to rehab. Same song and dance sure. But the difference is I'm not currently WITH him. I am not begging, pleading, or demanding. I stated how I felt, cleared up things I have said/done and stated what I cannot have in my life. What he does with that choice is up to him... I said I would want to know if he made that choice, regardless of where I am in life.
The mistake I have made is maybe letting myself go there in the sense of thinking about it again type thing...but I wanted to give him a chance to be heard and I don't regret that and I am not running back to him. Nor do I plan on it. However, I consider this progress for me --> considering how I've felt and acted prior to stating my needs. I need to pull away. I do miss him so its hard not to talk when we're trying to clear things up/discuss everything.
I think its best not to talk about this with anyone, including him anymore. Its just pointless for me to defend my beliefs OR my boundaries with anyone.It just provides a chance for me to second guess those beliefs and boundaries. I'm getting better at the boundaries one, but my beliefs are still flexible.
Codependency, unlike addiction, is a VERY subjective, relative subject so its hard to define what is going too far. I'm okay. I am at peace. I do not feel like everything in the world is perfect...that "high" I would get when he used to try and act like everything was okay. I just feel kind of like. Well, okay..that's nice, but whatever. And I just was posting here like a journal and to get feedback because I know y'all are a tough crowd!!!!
Who knows..everything maybe a complete crock of ****, and its likely that some, if not all is...but I'm not going to treat someone with disrespect just because they're trying to win be back. I'm not going to play that you use, therefore I hate you game. Or you're not in rehab, so therefore I can treat you like crap. Our relationship has been tough and confusing, but it was NEVER abusive. I do not think that most people on here should stay, or go back, but I do believe in trusting myself. And I trust that I am cautious enough not to go there. I have you guys for that haha
bottom line: nothing new, just a different tone to the situation.
Would I recommend everyone do it? NOOOOO. Do I think I need to pull away again now? Yes.
Perhaps I am wrong. But that is irrelevant. He'll either been in treatment or not. And right now, he may be honestly contemplating it, and I really do know that ain't ****...however I believe in him and I've told him that. Of course I can look like the fool, but I do believe he will go one day. Has he yet? no. Am I upset by this ? No. Maybe he never will....but my life isn't stopping anymore. So I win.
I said I don't want to see you until you are in recovery for me.Because I honestly don't. The fact that he keeps pushing to see me is just an opportunity in my mind to express my compassion but further drive my convictions home. He gets that its not because I hate him now and I kind of don't care what he does. Of course I prefer he does, but I am just grateful things in general are better for me....
Every relationship on here has the same story line and we can learn from that, but I still love him and believe he truly is sorry. Going back on that inner sense of knowing makes me question myself and feel crazy, like I need to check and see how sorry he really is or something. He's said he's sorry for things that have happened. He's trying to change and maybe he'll go to rehab. Same song and dance sure. But the difference is I'm not currently WITH him. I am not begging, pleading, or demanding. I stated how I felt, cleared up things I have said/done and stated what I cannot have in my life. What he does with that choice is up to him... I said I would want to know if he made that choice, regardless of where I am in life.
The mistake I have made is maybe letting myself go there in the sense of thinking about it again type thing...but I wanted to give him a chance to be heard and I don't regret that and I am not running back to him. Nor do I plan on it. However, I consider this progress for me --> considering how I've felt and acted prior to stating my needs. I need to pull away. I do miss him so its hard not to talk when we're trying to clear things up/discuss everything.
I think its best not to talk about this with anyone, including him anymore. Its just pointless for me to defend my beliefs OR my boundaries with anyone.It just provides a chance for me to second guess those beliefs and boundaries. I'm getting better at the boundaries one, but my beliefs are still flexible.
Codependency, unlike addiction, is a VERY subjective, relative subject so its hard to define what is going too far. I'm okay. I am at peace. I do not feel like everything in the world is perfect...that "high" I would get when he used to try and act like everything was okay. I just feel kind of like. Well, okay..that's nice, but whatever. And I just was posting here like a journal and to get feedback because I know y'all are a tough crowd!!!!
Who knows..everything maybe a complete crock of ****, and its likely that some, if not all is...but I'm not going to treat someone with disrespect just because they're trying to win be back. I'm not going to play that you use, therefore I hate you game. Or you're not in rehab, so therefore I can treat you like crap. Our relationship has been tough and confusing, but it was NEVER abusive. I do not think that most people on here should stay, or go back, but I do believe in trusting myself. And I trust that I am cautious enough not to go there. I have you guys for that haha
bottom line: nothing new, just a different tone to the situation.
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So are you going to tell him NC until he's in recovery? If he's in recovery, will you start talking to him? Support him through it?
I'm not sure if this was a typo, "I said I don't want to see you until you are in recovery for me." You didn't mean that you were negotiating and saying that you would break NC if he got into recovery for you, right?
I haven't talked to or heard from mine since I found that therapist for him. He hasn't tried to contact me. It's hard not to wonder how he's doing. I wouldn't be surprised if he was drinking. I also wouldn't be surprised if he was back on track. I of course hope he's back on track because I really want him to have a happy life. And I do feel a lot better after having talked to him when I did.
I totally get what you mean when you think "Well, ok...that's nice but whatever." Maybe that's what happens when we get our independence back, when we've realized we can be happy on our own. It's a way more comfortable place to be, thats for sure. I like not feeling like he can ruin my whole life now. I like that I've positioned myself in such a way the HE suffers the consequences of his actions, and I don't anymore. Maybe that's the "whatever" part. "Whatever you choose, it's not going to impact me anymore like it did before."
Glad to hear you're working through a lot of feelings and being true to yourself. And thanks for keeping us posted!
I'm not sure if this was a typo, "I said I don't want to see you until you are in recovery for me." You didn't mean that you were negotiating and saying that you would break NC if he got into recovery for you, right?
I haven't talked to or heard from mine since I found that therapist for him. He hasn't tried to contact me. It's hard not to wonder how he's doing. I wouldn't be surprised if he was drinking. I also wouldn't be surprised if he was back on track. I of course hope he's back on track because I really want him to have a happy life. And I do feel a lot better after having talked to him when I did.
I totally get what you mean when you think "Well, ok...that's nice but whatever." Maybe that's what happens when we get our independence back, when we've realized we can be happy on our own. It's a way more comfortable place to be, thats for sure. I like not feeling like he can ruin my whole life now. I like that I've positioned myself in such a way the HE suffers the consequences of his actions, and I don't anymore. Maybe that's the "whatever" part. "Whatever you choose, it's not going to impact me anymore like it did before."
Glad to hear you're working through a lot of feelings and being true to yourself. And thanks for keeping us posted!
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thank you KP. Ya nailed it on the head!
O, lol I meant ..I said that FOR ME....setting a boundary for me. To him I just said I don't want that in my life. In the past I wouldn't talk to him because I'm passive aggressive, but this time it was very different. I set that boundary because I didn't like the way I was being treated --> second place to alcohol and drugs. That's great I hope urs gets help KP. It is a really great feeling, its kind of like a wall they can't get through. A good, self-protecting wall or bubble. Life goes on regardless. If he were to get help would you give him a chance? Just curious where u stand. You don't have to answer.
Yeah, next time he contacts me I need to just say I cannot talk, unless you are in recovery. I let him talk to me because he was trying really hard to express something to me and I'm glad I did. He was very sincere and honest with me.
Its what's best for me, the more I talk to him the more I miss him.
Right now, he's seriously considering going...he doesn't want to, but its because he's scared. That's progress for him, but I'm certainly not holding my breath and I need to cut myself off more right now. We're being friendly and in a better place than ever as far as understanding, so its hard not respond. I can do it though.
O, lol I meant ..I said that FOR ME....setting a boundary for me. To him I just said I don't want that in my life. In the past I wouldn't talk to him because I'm passive aggressive, but this time it was very different. I set that boundary because I didn't like the way I was being treated --> second place to alcohol and drugs. That's great I hope urs gets help KP. It is a really great feeling, its kind of like a wall they can't get through. A good, self-protecting wall or bubble. Life goes on regardless. If he were to get help would you give him a chance? Just curious where u stand. You don't have to answer.
Yeah, next time he contacts me I need to just say I cannot talk, unless you are in recovery. I let him talk to me because he was trying really hard to express something to me and I'm glad I did. He was very sincere and honest with me.
Its what's best for me, the more I talk to him the more I miss him.
Right now, he's seriously considering going...he doesn't want to, but its because he's scared. That's progress for him, but I'm certainly not holding my breath and I need to cut myself off more right now. We're being friendly and in a better place than ever as far as understanding, so its hard not respond. I can do it though.
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Mary,
You CAN do it! And you are being so real, which I admire.
The one warning I would give, is that if he goes to rehab, he WILL go FOR YOU because he's not going for him, obviously, or he would have gone.
That is not to say he won't get something out of it...
But it's also not to say he WILL.
I have seen it said around here that alcoholics recover when they recover FOR THEMSELVES.
Try not to get too attached (ha ha right?)!
Hugs and Peace
You CAN do it! And you are being so real, which I admire.
The one warning I would give, is that if he goes to rehab, he WILL go FOR YOU because he's not going for him, obviously, or he would have gone.
That is not to say he won't get something out of it...
But it's also not to say he WILL.
I have seen it said around here that alcoholics recover when they recover FOR THEMSELVES.
Try not to get too attached (ha ha right?)!
Hugs and Peace
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thanks so much. I really needed to hear that.
Yeah. I know he would...I like that--> he may or may not truly recover if he were to go "for me".
The good thing is, we both know I mean business. Haha he's tried everyyything to get me to waiver. Not this girl! What he does about that is his biz. He's all mixed up. Part of him wants to stop, part of him doesn't. Doesn't matter though cuz I'm okay and have a bright future unfolding. I miss him and the worst thing that happens is I just continue missing him. So I can handle that, I already am
LOL he hasn't even gone yet, so I'm reminding myself not to get caught up in how would I know he's committed, how could a relationship work, what if he relapses..etc etc..all that i can do is live each day for ME and just maybe thinkgs will work out in the end. I realize odds are they never will...but that doesn't stop what I believe. Cuz things will work out, they always do, just probably not the way I would like.
Yeah. I know he would...I like that--> he may or may not truly recover if he were to go "for me".
The good thing is, we both know I mean business. Haha he's tried everyyything to get me to waiver. Not this girl! What he does about that is his biz. He's all mixed up. Part of him wants to stop, part of him doesn't. Doesn't matter though cuz I'm okay and have a bright future unfolding. I miss him and the worst thing that happens is I just continue missing him. So I can handle that, I already am
LOL he hasn't even gone yet, so I'm reminding myself not to get caught up in how would I know he's committed, how could a relationship work, what if he relapses..etc etc..all that i can do is live each day for ME and just maybe thinkgs will work out in the end. I realize odds are they never will...but that doesn't stop what I believe. Cuz things will work out, they always do, just probably not the way I would like.
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Originally Posted by KeepPedaling 
Just so I'm caught up, so the texting started big time after that day he walked next to you and talked to you for the first time in a long time? Last week right? So now he's doing the bargaining negotiating thing? That is weird. It sounds like he's just trying to hook you in to see if you'll engage in the negotiating...to see if he still has some power. If you'll negotiate, then he still has a chance to get his enabler riiiiight back where he wants her.
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Originally Posted by MaryGoRound
If he were to get help would you give him a chance? Just curious where u stand. You don't have to answer.
For me, I can't be in a selfless relationship. I can't pretend that I don't need support, understanding, love, someone to lean on once in a while, compromise, all the things that come with a balanced healthy relationship. To have a relationship with him while in recovery would be unhealthy for both of us, and probably end up being pretty emotionally damaging.
So the answer is no, I would not be with him while he's in recovery. I know that's what's best for him and for me. I'm so glad I know that now. It makes it easier to do the right thing.
Thanks for asking.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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Haha Anvil....damn straight. Nothing like a pair of awesome shoes.
I used to feel like I was taking part of consumerism and yucky negative self-image type stuff by going into the fashion industry, but that's not the side I believe in. Fashion can transform people self-esteem and that's my favorite thing about it, besides the art of it. Just one example of how this experience has helped me stop questioning myself and my beliefs. He taught me that.
Thanks for answering KP I agree and I feel the same way. For my A to become that supportive, balanced person would take ALOT of work on his part. It will probably never happen, and even if he tried it would take a long time to really get there. And he NEVER will if he doesn't get some type of help. I personally would love to try out a more serious relationship if that were to happen, since that never happened with us. Neither of us allowed ourselves to go there with each other...and minus the addiction we're a good pair. LOL...minus the addiction. More and more though i find myself thinking of him and part of me is like ewww, no way. Don't want to go back there. Its hard to explain...I feel like the risk of something similar happening again is enough to keep me away,but I still believe there is a chance. Maybe its fantasy to believe if two people love each other, things can happen. Alternatively, I've already learned in life from prior experiences sometimes love isn't enough to keep people together... I feel so strong. LOTS of things would have to happen to go there. But I do still feel like he is very special person to me and it will be hard to forget. Still think about him every freakin day....
I used to feel like I was taking part of consumerism and yucky negative self-image type stuff by going into the fashion industry, but that's not the side I believe in. Fashion can transform people self-esteem and that's my favorite thing about it, besides the art of it. Just one example of how this experience has helped me stop questioning myself and my beliefs. He taught me that.
Thanks for answering KP I agree and I feel the same way. For my A to become that supportive, balanced person would take ALOT of work on his part. It will probably never happen, and even if he tried it would take a long time to really get there. And he NEVER will if he doesn't get some type of help. I personally would love to try out a more serious relationship if that were to happen, since that never happened with us. Neither of us allowed ourselves to go there with each other...and minus the addiction we're a good pair. LOL...minus the addiction. More and more though i find myself thinking of him and part of me is like ewww, no way. Don't want to go back there. Its hard to explain...I feel like the risk of something similar happening again is enough to keep me away,but I still believe there is a chance. Maybe its fantasy to believe if two people love each other, things can happen. Alternatively, I've already learned in life from prior experiences sometimes love isn't enough to keep people together... I feel so strong. LOTS of things would have to happen to go there. But I do still feel like he is very special person to me and it will be hard to forget. Still think about him every freakin day....
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