What do you make of this?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: ky
Posts: 6
What do you make of this?
I have been with this man since 1991 he has always drank, been very angry, verbally abusive, and threating about what would happen if I ever left him.
After all this time I finally sought help and now filed for divorce. I left over a week ago and ever since I left he has acted like it is no big deal. He had already removed all of his stuff, and signed the divorce papers in a very calm and agreeable manor? If I had of known it would be so easy I would have done it a long time ago.
My question is (what is the deal) why be so mean and make me afraid if it is what he really wanted? For a long time I was the #1 codependent in the world but I have been changing for quite awhile. This man had no responsibility for years and still did not have much when I left.
I already know I am just as sick as he is to put up with all his junk, just to feel "loved" even though it was not love in anyway.
I am also trying to not be in control all the time I just want to understand this mess.
After all this time I finally sought help and now filed for divorce. I left over a week ago and ever since I left he has acted like it is no big deal. He had already removed all of his stuff, and signed the divorce papers in a very calm and agreeable manor? If I had of known it would be so easy I would have done it a long time ago.
My question is (what is the deal) why be so mean and make me afraid if it is what he really wanted? For a long time I was the #1 codependent in the world but I have been changing for quite awhile. This man had no responsibility for years and still did not have much when I left.
I already know I am just as sick as he is to put up with all his junk, just to feel "loved" even though it was not love in anyway.
I am also trying to not be in control all the time I just want to understand this mess.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 413
No solutions here. My A never acted like that so I have no point of reference.
Im from the better safe than sorry set. I wouldnt be paranoid but I would keep in mind that he made these threats. Is he sober now? Could be you wont see him till he gets drunk again.
Im sure the AlAnon people have lots of experience in dealing with this and could advise you what to do.
Im from the better safe than sorry set. I wouldnt be paranoid but I would keep in mind that he made these threats. Is he sober now? Could be you wont see him till he gets drunk again.
Im sure the AlAnon people have lots of experience in dealing with this and could advise you what to do.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi dlh and welcome!
There's not much point in trying to figure out an alcoholic's behavior. Either they're weird and that's why they drink or they drink and that's why they're weird. I suppose that's an oversimplification, but tearing your hair out trying to make sense of nonsense will just make you bald. Maybe he's putting on a brave front. Maybe he didn't know what he wanted. Maybe the rejection was the big fear and once he was through that part the rest was easy. Maybe he's convinced himself you'll come crawling back. Maybe maybe maybe. If you pursue this it is possible to make yourself just as crazy without him as you were with him.
Rejoice! You're free!
I'm so glad you joined us!
Hugs,
Smoke
There's not much point in trying to figure out an alcoholic's behavior. Either they're weird and that's why they drink or they drink and that's why they're weird. I suppose that's an oversimplification, but tearing your hair out trying to make sense of nonsense will just make you bald. Maybe he's putting on a brave front. Maybe he didn't know what he wanted. Maybe the rejection was the big fear and once he was through that part the rest was easy. Maybe he's convinced himself you'll come crawling back. Maybe maybe maybe. If you pursue this it is possible to make yourself just as crazy without him as you were with him.
Rejoice! You're free!
I'm so glad you joined us!
Hugs,
Smoke
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: ky
Posts: 6
Thanks for your help. I know I could go in a circle with this forever and it is wonderful to feel free. I think the reason I waited so long is because I did not want to be one of those people who keep going back. I have no doubt if I went back he would continue to be more and more abusive and I am sure I dont want to go there.
big hugs to you all
big hugs to you all
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Welcome dlh!
We are so glad to have you here! This board is a great place and you will find alot of support here. Trying to figure out why they act the way they do will make you go bald. Just when you think you have them figured out they will perform some other bazzar behavior and have you going crazy! Take care of YOU and coming here is a great start!! It is a waste of precious time and energy trying to make sense out of how they act and re-act. We are all here for you!
hugs and prayers,
matters
We are so glad to have you here! This board is a great place and you will find alot of support here. Trying to figure out why they act the way they do will make you go bald. Just when you think you have them figured out they will perform some other bazzar behavior and have you going crazy! Take care of YOU and coming here is a great start!! It is a waste of precious time and energy trying to make sense out of how they act and re-act. We are all here for you!
hugs and prayers,
matters
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