Thumper

Then drop him off and leave. If he needs watching for his safety they will keep him.

Just another option.

I'm not trying to be argumentative. You are in a tough spot but you are not trapped there. You can be kind, responsible, and human, without enabling.

iwantcontrol

i just started doubting whether it was codie behaviour or not. Maybe i should just keep these things to myself from now on.

Thumper

I think it screams codie behavior but that is no sign you should keep it to yourself. You are in good company.

We all scream codie behavior, or at least used to, so you aren't shocking us any. We wouldn't be here otherwise.

I went from screaming constantly to intermittent screeches, lol.

megan09

When I was active in my alcoholism, I acted like I was bipolar!! My behaviour was insane, and I believed it was depression and not the drink. Strangely though, when I put the alcohol down and worked a program of recovery, my mental health straightened out. And I stopped drinking when everyone had left me, not when everybody was still in my life and put up with my behaviour. Just food for thought for you, with hugs.

iwantcontrol

thanks thumper, its just posting here often makes me feel loads better and more motivated to sort things in my head, but to be honest, this has made me feel a lot worse and quite upset, so i regret posting it at all.

iwantcontrol

thanks megan

freefalling

sounds familiar LOL

iloveme

Sometimes it is the uncomfortableness that causes us to change?

Bucyn

Who's keeping you safe from him while you are keeping him safe from himself?

And I'm not just talking about physically safe.

Depression, drinking, mania, rage, 'not being safe', these are all things that are beyond your ability to handle. You aren't fixing him, you are stalling him.

You have the right idea: leave him to it.

Bucyn

Hospitals are good places for sick people.

Aren't you a 'someone' too? If you are genuinely worried about him hurting himself or another, call 911. If it's not that bad to call 911, walk away. It's not that bad.

FindingPeace1

Can you talk about what you are feeling about that? Maybe clarifying it would help.

Bucyn

Yes.

Why does it matter? Even if he never took a drop of drink in his life, he still has the responsibility to manage his depression and mania. Mentally ill people have to learn how to manage their condition whether they like it or not if they want a happy productive life. Seeing a psychiatric on rare occasion and taking tablets that don't help, or tablets that are neutralized by your drinking will produce results he probably won't like. Why shield him from the consequences of his carelessness about his own mental well being?

Are you qualified to treat major depressive or manic episodes? If not, then what good are you really doing him?

iwantcontrol

This thread has just made me feel like a terrible person who always does the wrong thing and is making everything worse. I probably just need to disappear from here for a while and get things straight in my head. I actually felt a little picked on, although I know I asked for opinions and you are all probably a lot wiser than me about this. I know it is frustrating when you are telling someone something for their own good and they wont accept it, but everyones story is different.

Jadmack25

No, not much different actually.....just a few names, cities, ages....but the stories are so similar that we can often finish one anothers tales of woe off.

You are not a terrible person, nor are you being picked on, it is just that you asked what to do, were given advice from folk who had been in the sh*t you are in, and you do not want to hear them.

Your man needs to hit his bottom, the absolute end, before he MAY decide to get help, but he can't reach his bottom as you dive in as his pillow, and he has another soft landing.
If you love him, and want to help him then let him go, let him alone to do what he needs to do. If however you need to keep saving him from what could be him saving himself, thus making you feel important and needed, then girlie, he isn't the only one with a problem.

I hope for both of you, that you do sit and think it all over and then come back and seek help for yourself.

God bless

iwantcontrol

i dont need to keep saving him. I dont think I have saved him from anything really. There are plenty of times when i dont do anything - i dont rush in and help. and when i am there i havent prevented him feeling the consequences - if he has let me down I have made it clear that he needs to face up to what's happened. I haven't made it OK or easy for him to face what he needs to.

wicked

iwantcontrol,

have you considered what happens if he does hurt someone else? kills them?
will their family feel all better when you explain that you believe you did the right thing?
will it assuage your guilt if he does manage to hurt himself seriously?
will you tell his family, it was about my feelings, my guilt, my need to rescue?
you will not take this well or even hear it i think, but i have read this thread over and over trying to remain calm.
please get out of his way, call the police when he threatens anything, and get help for yourself. someone could die from your superior knowledge of his depression and alcholism.
okay.
done.
Beth

iwantcontrol

the only person he probably would have hurt was himself - he wanted to punish himself. I did do the right thing by taking him to hospital or calling the hospital for advice. Rather than than leave him on his own somewhere where anything couldve happened to him.

LaTeeDa

As long as you've appointed yourself as his personal protector and savior, there is nothing any of us can say that will make any difference. It's a shame though, because I think your life is worth much more than being a babysitter to a grown man.

L

nodaybut2day

But sweetie, it seems like, from reading your post, that this man needs to face up to the consequences of his choices on his own. Yes by all means call the police give them his information so they (the pros) can take care of keeping him safe, but then "leaving him on his own somewhere where anything couldve happened to him" sounds exactly like what you need to do to detach and let HP take care of him.

Please try to remember that you do not control the outcome of this situation. HP does.

I sincerely hope you don't feel picked on and driven away from this place which can offer you a great deal of support. Perhaps the posters in your thread feel/show frustration because there appears to be some repetition in your posts, or because they simply want to see you step *away* from the addict to focus on yourself. There is no malevolence here though, and I do hope you see that.

wicked

thank you noday. you are right. as usual.
if i was harsh iwantcontrol, i am sorry.
my best friend was killed by a drunk driver.
4 priors.