1234

Alizerin, I'm so very impressed by your honesty. Thank you for sharing. To get sober while you wanted to drown and die from guilt - that just seems almost impossible to imagine. I'm so glad you didn't drown and die. You're an inspiration.

1234

Ceres

Errr,

I just realized today something that got my dander up and had me all pantied in a bundled. Regarding my thread on dating. It seems that my stance on preferring to date men in the program could be based on this, as one BIG example? I would never keep this kind of thing from anyone in my life. I guess my thinking is that in some sense, only another recovering alcoholic could only understand and accept this deed? - In a companion type of way.

LaTeeDa

Well, there you go assuming.....

Most who have posted on this thread are NOT recovering alcoholics. And yet, all have acceptance--even admiration--for you around this. Hmmmmm.

L

Ceres

I see that. :-)

PHIZ007

Wow!......I really admire your honesty.....and think you are amazing to have got sober in the middle of all this....god bless you and your sons.....take care Phiz

freefalling

Absolutely yes!

DesertEyes

Hey there Alizerin, and pleased to "meet" you

Being a member of several 12 step programs, having been a guest in some where I claim no membership, and generally having seen a heck of a lot of the ugly side of life, it is my experience that alcoholics don't have a monopoly on making mistakes in life.

Neither do alcoholics have a monopoly on compassion and understanding.

"Alcoholism" means nothing more than a chemical addiction to a beverage. Attendance at meetings of AA just means the body is there. Neither of those have any connection to what lives inside a persons' heart. There's an old slogan I've heard around the rooms; "We don't care what lies behind you, or what lies ahead of you. What matters is what lies within you."

I think you just found a whole bunch of kind-hearted peeps right here on SR that proves that, and they're plenty happy to have you be a part of their world

Mike

Ceres

I completely get what it is you're saying. I didn't mean to imply that alcoholics have a monopoly on anything.

FAS is centered around alcoholism. It's nothing short of horrid. Caused soley by alcoholism by an alcoholic. What I tend to think is that another alcoholic would/could only understand why someone could do this horrendous selfish act. While a non-alcoholic may have a much harder time wrapping their heads around it. So, let's say I go out with a nice man in no program at all. Then discuss my child. It would be quite a turn-off. An erroneous opinion could very well be formed. As one would have to ask themselves in one form or another "Is this the kind of person I see myself with".

This was the thought I was trying to convey.

LaTeeDa

And that is the kind of "getting into another's head" that is a hallmark of codependency. Why not take what the world and other people offer at face value, instead of trying to anticipate, categorize, assume, and ultimately control? I have come across so many different people, with different viewpoints, and different beliefs in my life. Why limit yourself to a particular group of people with a particular common experience?

I learn the most from those who I have the least in common with.......it opens me up to things I might never have considered inside my little box......

L

DesertEyes

gotcha, I apologize for my misunderstanding

hmmmm.... in my personal opinion, any "nice man" who finds your child a "turn-off" is not a nice man at all. Regardless of what program, or not program, any man who is "turned off" by a child with a misfortune doesn't count as a man in my book.

As a single guy that would _not_ be the question in my mind. I would be asking myself if I am "man enough" to match the courage and determination of a mother that so deeply loves her child.

I think I get what you're trying to say. I think I'm just looking at it from the guys point of view. I've been single a few years now, and the amount of empty-headed, selfish, high-maintenance peeps I have met (of _all_ genders) is just sad. Peeps who have had basically easy lives, with no hardship to speak off, and no backbone. No, those are not the kind of person I see myself with.

I have also met a handful of ladies, in and out of program, who have overcome their share of hardship. Yes, some of it self-inflicted. But the point is they _overcome_ it, they have become stronger, healthier, kinder people as a result of it. Hardship brings out the _best_ in them. I am currently dating one such lady, and loving every minute of it.

From what you have described, you sound like you are making your ammends to your child with _actions_. I get the impression that you are stronger and more devoted as a result of having survived that nightmare. If some loser guy has a problem with that, then he is just not worth your time. Like all the other fine people here on SR, you have a heart of gold and the courage of a lioness. It's going to take a lion to be your partner, not some jackal.

Mike
p.s. No, I'm not hitting on you. I'm about to become a great-grand-father in a few months. Now if things don't work out with my g/f, and your _grandma_ is single .....

Ceres

Thanks Desert for that thoughtful response!!

"The amount of empty-headed, selfish, high-maintenance peeps I have met (of _all_ genders) is just sad. Peeps who have had basically easy lives, with no hardship to speak off, and no backbone. No, those are not the kind of person I see myself with."

Okay, I think that's what my head was trying to get at. This may be what I mean. I won't limit myself! :-)