Beside Myself
 

I have not managed to get to Al Anon for ages because I have a 5mth old baby. My husband has just fallen off the wagon again and I feel like I am going nuts with the stuff he is saying to me. Definitely a sitting duck for Post-Natal depression, definitely showing the signs. He has moved out and drinking up with his family - all alcoholics.

Anyway, I am reeling with all the trauma/drama of the situation today... but wondering what your opinions are. If he is an alcoholic and continuing to drink, how much access should I give him to my baby? Should I say that he can only see him if he is sober, or go one step further and say he can only see him if he's receiving treatment for alcoholism, eg. AA? If I do the latter, he has threatened to take me to court and he has access to a good family lawyer, whereas I don't have any money so my representation is likely to be poor and it makes me scared that I will lose my son.

What's in the best interest for my son? I don't want him to have unlimited access to an alcoholic father that is currently drinking and denies that even has a problem - it will affect him emotionally.

Hi

If it was my OH who was drinking I would not even contemplate un supervised access. Your baby has no way to defend Her/himself. You would never forgive yourself if he fell asleep and smothered your little one.

Your baby's safety is the most important thing. Do you think that your OH would be able to concentrate fully on him/her if he is concerned about where his next drink is?

I personally think that you should let him see your baby if he is sober, I would imagine that at the moment that would be impossible, so be it, it's his problem that he drinks, not yours or your babies.

I don't have an ASTBXH but I don't trust his temper and caring skills enough for my 4 year old son to see him unsupervised. We have a contact centre near us and I have given him that option, but haven't heard anything from him at all.

Don't give in to your OH's demands, from what I have read on here he will try all sorts of mind games and guilt trips. BE STRONG, keep coming back for help and moral support on here.

It will get easier.

Right I'll get off my soap box now.

Welcome and good luck

Sorry you are in this sad situation my dear, and will keep you in my prayers.

I would allow supervised visits by your husband, IF HE IS SOBER, and I would even go as far as to have a reliable friend be with you.

My daughter had Post-Natal depression, but that did not impress her now ex, who just kept being as big a pig to her, and puffed pot as soon as he got home. He almost drove her to suicide....but thank God...she called her sister in time.

I hope you can get some legal advice to ease your mind, but I urge you to before all else, go and see your GP and tell them how you feel re PND, and what is happening in your marriage. You could also contact Domestic Violence agencies because what your husband is doing to you, is abuse.

God bless

Do you have a call list from your Alanon group? If so, please call some of the members of your group and discuss your concerns. You may be able to bring the baby to some of the meetings. Just talking on the phone with another member of Alanon is helpful in relieving some of your concerns. Reach out to your home group and you might find resources and options that you didn't know about.

(((hugs)))