Redheadsusie

Well- I have made my mind up - 100% - This is it- I told Ah to stay at his parents for a while- he is gonna get real ugly. I tried to talk logisitics with him and he told me how ugly it is gonna get. He said he will pay no more money towards household bills so either I pay things or they get cut off. I may just have to walk away from the house and just say screw it. I am willing to do that- just to move forward and get away from the madness! He has told me he will try to get alimony from me which about makes me nuts. I am self employed and if I have to hire the best CPA in the world to show a loss I will - it will be a cold day in hell before I pay a 47 yr old capable man alimony when I am paying for 2 kids in college . I got an education - I work my ass. Ain't gonna happen. God grant me the strength........

lulu1974

Good for you..when you do good for yourself, good follows you. Stay strong and take care of you. We are here for you..

freefalling

Redheadsusie

I am actually quite the wreck. I sounded pretty strong up there..Minute By Minute Things change.........

FindingPeace1

Holy cow, redhead!
Standing up for yourself!
Your needs matter!
I'm glad you are believing in yourself.
You're worth it!

StillLearning1

Just my opinion, but I think he is trying to use fear to control you.

Deep breath... if he thinks you can't pay the light bills without him, how does he think that you are going to be paying him, alimony?
I think he is trying to push you buttons. A form of sabatoge.
Also, trying to start a fight. Good way to stay engaged?

Stay focused! Don't let him defocus you.
Before listening to all of his quacking, contact an attorney. His attorney can call yours with all his threats. They have thicker skin!

NewChapter

WOW! So happy that you see a future for yourself without the craziness. That's huge. I wasn't able to see that when my AH told me he wants a divorce (I see it now!). Please speak with an attorney, if you haven't already. Most will see you for an hour--no charge consultation, no obligation on your part. Find out the do's and don't's, especially business-wise, so this goes the way you want it to.

AHs will throw around a lot of threats, etc., so knowing your rights can keep the craziness level down.

Take care of you. You sound strong. There will be difficult days ahead, but oh the destination is so worth it! I'm not even there, but I can see it!
Prayers are with you.

DMC

Good for you!

I felt the same way, but consistently told him the same thing, over and over, whether I actually believed it or not at the moment.

The consistency has paid off. We've been apart for 6 months, I've filed for divorce, and I am SO glad I stuck to my guns and is rid of him.

I know I'll be paying alimony (although honestly, he's about to default on the divorce papers, so HA!) but at the rate we're going, I'll get to stipulate the details. I'm not going to screw him, but I want out and will pay for the privilege of never listening to him vomit again. It's anti-vomit payoff money, not alimony. Makes it sound better, eh?

Be strong. We're here for you.
D

Redheadsusie

Thanks so Much~ DMC - Your message made me laugh the anit - vomit payoff money. Good Lord I would pay for that too. He knows he can make me fearful so you are correct I need to stay focused and yes I will speak with an attorney- someone I know whom I trust. if I don't engage he can't fight with me. REMEMBER THAT REDHEADSUSIE! I know I am strong - have always had to be - raised my 2 sons by myself - and did just fine- actually I did great! They are awesome young men at VT- GO HOKIES! Thanks again!

gmc

You'll feel much better after you see an attorney. Your husband's threats are just threats. Where is his own attorney's payment coming from? Is he honestly going to say he has gotten accustomed to the lifestyle you have given him and he deserves to continue it? You can certainly sit there and explain to an attorney and a judge what that lifestyle actually is for both of you.

What he can and can't do are is your unknown factor. The unknown factors are scary so just ignore his threats til you find out. He doesnt know, you don't know. Go find out and make a game plan. There may be reasons to stay with him but threats are not one of them.

Either way, be strong! I wish you all the best!

isurvived

Sounds like he's counting his eggs before they are hatched (expecting alimony). I got divorced and my X was not working, (except for working on his drinking, ha, ha). He ask for alimony, but the judge said he was a capable adult who could earn enough for himself. He had a good career prior to drinking it up. Not my responsibility to take care of him. Oh, but his attorney painted a good picture. "He's down and out, unemployed due to his illness of alcoholism, buys all his shoes at Walmart, eats spam from a can, and is unable to work." Yahdah, yahdah... It was pathetic.

You sound strong, blow off his threats. That's all they are! Oh, and being rid of the X is wonderful!!!!!

Jadmack25

GMC is so right. I would love to have a seat in that courtroom, to hear your AH give out why he wants to keep his lifestyle, what that lifestyle actually is like for him, and why he can't do it for himself.

I see court staff sitting and trying hard trying to keep straight faces, and your AH's attorney with his head in his hands, wondering "why did I take this bozo on?" The judge just looking at AH as if he really cannot believe what c**p he is hearing.

Then when you testify, I see all heads turn towards AH and give him the look which says.."you are lower than a worm, they are useful...you are not."

Just thought how wonderful if you could have a Judge Judy to preside.
My goodness, imagine AH after he copped a blast from her!!!!!

Til then play it close to your chest, have your attorney deal with SUB (Stupid Useless Bludger) and stay strong.

God bless