I lost it last night

Old 10-03-2003, 09:46 AM
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I lost it last night

Well, after having a bad counseling session on Wednesday and having my AH going back and forth on whether or not he wants to stay with me, I completely lost it last night. I came home to my kids fighting and nothing done. I ended up keeping them both home from soccer practice and just went to my room.

My AH called to see if I had dropped off my son yet and I told him no. He asked why and I told him that I had lost it. He came home an hour later and we talked.

I told him I can't take this anymore. I can't take him going back and forth and being wishy washy. I told him we have at least 10 issues (some his, some mine and some both of ours) that need to be worked on, but I can't do them all at once. The only thing I can do to keep my sanity is take care of my self. I can't take the pressure from him any longer. I probably shouldn't have said this, but I told him I don't trust him. He isn't showing me he wants to make this work just by stopping drinking. He needs to get help for himself - whatever that may be. I also explained to him that I've dealt with the alcohol as long as he has, the only difference is he's been able to numb the pain with the alcohol while I have to live with the pain with no numbing sensation at all. I told him I've been trying for 5 years to keep this marriage together and I'm exhausted. I need time for myself and the children. They don't deserve to have this happening to them.

He took it all pretty well. He didn't get upset at all. I am moving into our spare bedroom and am going to share the other bathroom with the kids. He's agreed to just leave me be. He understands that the marriage may just be over and he needs to focus on himself. He understands that if we do stay together that the marriage can never be the same.

We're going to take it one month at a time with April being the final deadline. If things haven't worked out by then, then we'll go our separate ways. Until then, we'll still go to counseling and take a look at how we are doing each month. We're going to work on getting the house put together (painting done, grouting, etc...).

I don't know what will happen. I'm just leaving it up to my HP right now. But at least I have some peace and space to work on me. I'm going to put a TV and VCR in my new room and make it my little haven - some place where I can get away from everyone and just be me. My kids can come and spend quiet time in there with me as well.

Thanks for all your support guys!! It really has meant a lot to me to have this forum to go to every day.

Kitkat
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Old 10-03-2003, 10:10 AM
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That sounds wonderful! Your plan sounds very well thought out.
I have places I have cut out for me in my home. I enjoy it very much.

Hugs,
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Old 10-03-2003, 11:41 AM
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Sounds like a plan to me! Get yourself some of those nice relaxing candles that smell so good too..those also are a favorite of mine! (hm...am I trying to control you?? hee hee)

Good luck!
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Old 10-03-2003, 02:20 PM
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Hi kitkat,

You might have lost it last night but it sounds like you have it together today and know what you want!! Great plan and the having your Own Space is much needed. Best of luck to you.

Take care,
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Old 10-03-2003, 03:51 PM
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Im glad you have a space to escape to. Maybe if you can get some much needed peace and tranquility then youll be able to deal wth some of the other stuff in a calmer fashion.
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Old 10-03-2003, 05:22 PM
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((Kitkat))

You didn't lose it---you're gaining strength, understanding your limits, and setting boundaries--all healthy steps for you and your recovery.

Enjoy your peace and solitude--and get those candles too!

((hugs))
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Old 10-03-2003, 06:43 PM
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Hey Kitkat,
I think you made a HUGE step here... Situations like this often bubble and broil and stew for years... and then we're left wondering why we are so unhappy.
I probably shouldn't have said this, but I told him I don't trust him.
Yes you should have said it - and you did. Why shouldn't he know? It's OK not to trust him, in fact it's completely justified. And he knows how his behavior effects you. He knows that he isn't exactly the innocent one here.

I'm happy for you that you got things a little more out in the open... Now to get on with taking care of you .

Meg
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Old 10-03-2003, 09:28 PM
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Your kids are lucky to have a mom who understands that her needs comes first and that they can join her whenever they want. Why should you have to put their needs first, right? It's not like you can relax when they're at school and put their needs first after school, that wouldn't work. And soccer isn't that important to them anyways. If putting a TV/VCR in your bedroom and shutting them out is what you need than you have my full support. I mean, after all, you are the woman who said her kids weren't affected by all this, right????

Don't worry, kids in Bosnia grow up in a war atmosphere and some of them don't end up with guns in their hands.

For the rest of you: Unconditional support is one thing, cheering stupidity is another.
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