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So Ah has not spoken to me in 3 days......

Old 04-09-2010, 02:28 PM
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So Ah has not spoken to me in 3 days......

After the major tongue lashing I got the other night and the projecting of everything he is on me - Ah has not spoken to me except a few choice curse words about the dog peeing on the floor - he did not clean it or let him out- and him chewing my son out. He also has not deposited his money in the account to help out the family. He is only working about 3 days a week while I work 6 . Suspect he won't anymore - so that mean s I won't write a check for the boat or his truck or the x wife or anything. All of my friends have tld me to be strong - not to believe the horrible evil things and wishes he has for me. I know that is true but after hearing it so long I hate hearing myself. I asked my friends and sister "is any thing he says true about me" They said the only negative thing they can think about me is that I stay with an alcoholic abuser. I am sure my friends are sick of me- I am. What the hell is wrong with me. I have had enough. Done- Coming in my neighborhood I see him on the river sitting in the boat - That is all he does- neglects his family for drinking and smoking - what a lonely life. My question is - Why do I care if he is ok - if he really does not care what happens to me- he told me. Sad.
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Old 04-09-2010, 02:40 PM
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Are these his kids you are referring to. or yours? If they are yours, get him away from them NOW. That is my criticism of you, that you would allow that monster to be around and abuse your children... That's what finally made me call it quits with my AW. It's enough for me to take her crap, but no child should be forced to deal with that.
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Old 04-09-2010, 02:50 PM
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Yes- My son is 18 - but he does not deserve to have AH yell at him - Nobody does. Thanks!
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Old 04-09-2010, 03:06 PM
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Why are you staying with this man? What are you getting out of the relationship?
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Old 04-09-2010, 03:40 PM
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Nothing- I am making plans for myself. I have asked him to move to his parents- he said "no what kind of loser at 47 lives with his parents. " I am not gonna answer that. He can't afford this house- I can. If I leave - the house will be lost. I guess I won't care - if I can get out. It still makes me sad.
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Old 04-09-2010, 04:17 PM
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When I had enough I boxed up all of stbexah's things, found stuff from his now girlfriend, found illegal drugs and called the police for a peaceful transfer of assets when he came to the house. I had everything on the porch waiting for him. When the police got there he gave me the now famous "death stare" and they told me to file a protective order against him, things have now escalated and I will be getting full custody of our baby girl in the divorce (HP pending, keeping fingers crossed). Get his crap out of your house, change the locks, get a security system (or a huge scarry dog)and let it ride.
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Old 04-09-2010, 04:28 PM
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Thanks for the words of MY Ah has drugs somewhere too just don't know if they are in the house - I hope not. My youngest leaves for Blacksburg to college with his brother in the Fall which means I will be alone. I have never lived alone- am afraid of it - what if something happens to me - YADA YADA YADA. I have dogs - they are my family and I have neighbors who will help me- but AH is telling me to leave the house - the neighborhood - the town- says it is his. WTH? The whole alone thing could make me crack but I am strong. Need to rely on the strength my Mom knew I had- God I wish she was here- I know she is is with me but I need a Mom hug. Big Hug to heaven Mom................ Damnit I am a crying mess now. CRAP!
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Old 04-09-2010, 04:41 PM
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I was raised to believe that if you were in a family, you contributed what you could to the family......chores and finances.

If this 47 year old twit can only bludge and abuse, then cull him from your life NOW.

No-one deserves this garbage in their life, certainly not your 18 year old....what a real charming example of responsible manhood he has before him...NOT.

Question from ah: "what kind of loser at 47 lives with his parents?"

Answer from me: "Bludgers like you who get booted out of their marriages".

Paying for his boat, his truck or his x wife?

If he wants these paid....let him do it. If he doesn't he won't have his truck or boat, but he sure will have an x wife and 1 on her way there.

Dump him.

God bless
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Old 04-09-2010, 05:35 PM
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IME the loneliness of living in a relationship like the one you have now is 10 times as great as the loneliness of living on your own.

Take him out of the equation for the next 30 minutes and just really think about where you want to live, who you want around you, etc. Flesh it out and make that vision real. Then make that happen because I swear to you - you have what it takes to make it happen. I can feel it and see it in your posts but you are tethered to a man that is sinking like a stone at sea.

You can not save him. He is the only one with the key to release the weight he carries. It is sad to cut someone lose and see them sink but you must. The only other option is to sink with him.
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Old 04-09-2010, 05:55 PM
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Thumper- You are so right you have no idea. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I am thinking too much tonight and just need to take it one day at a time...literally. He is a sinkking stone filled with so much anger and hate for so many. I have told him so many times he can only set himself free from all that with forgiveness to himself and others- of course he laughed at me - thinks I am full of crap...It is sad but this is my chance at this life. I want to be full of joy -- I still am - really just have this huge weight on me AH. I am happier when he is not here and that tells me something. Again- Thank you - I have to not beat myself up now about how I could have wasted 10 years on him - everything we do brings us to where we are- I would not have met some great friends and maybe never started my real estate career. Everything happens for a reason. I wish him happiness - he wishes me loneliness. I will miss the man I feel in love with but now I wonder if in the beginning I just ignored the ugly part- it was there just not so very strong. I need to take care of me and work onmy co dependent stuff - Cause I have tons.
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Old 04-09-2010, 06:56 PM
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Redheadsusie - listen to others as I have. It will ground you before you react. Others here have experience and 9/10 times it is right what they say. Also know God bring will make good happen from bad. This is bad right now, but good is starting to show - your respect for yourself. Keep the faith and keep posting for sound checks. Eventually, you will not need these checks and know your decision is a solid and loving one.
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Old 04-09-2010, 06:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Redheadsusie View Post
I need to take care of me and work onmy co dependent stuff - Cause I have tons.
I understand. I do to. I keep trying to remember that I have my own stone that I am carrying around and I'm the only one with the key to that one.
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Old 04-09-2010, 07:44 PM
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i hope you get to where you need to go.
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