kfv1010

Hi, my bf is an alcoholic. I am a recovering addict.

He failed a breathalyzer (he's on probation) and was court-mandated to go into 28 day program.

The day all this happened, I was done. I just wanted to leave him, I was sick of it. But I didn't, because I was scared. Well, that went away after he called & talked to me and apologized for everything. So I decided I'm going to stay and support him through this.

Well it's been about 3 weeks. I barely talk to him, he only gets 1 phone call a week.. he can sometimes sneak a phone call for a couple minutes. We write letters to each other, though. Well.... he seems serious about it this time. And I'm happy for him.

These three weeks, I've been keeping myself very busy with school, friends, anything to keep my mind off of it. And when I had time to think I'd get depressed and miss him.

I went to a mtg that his group goes to, and they said they can sit by family members. It stressed me out mostly. You'd think I'd be excited to see him!!?? We're in a serious relationship, committed, talked about marriage. So what the hell.....

The meeting... just hearing about drugs kinda got to me... that was what was hard about it. I didn't want to hear about it, and it made me want to use.

But I'm really confused. Did I fall out of love with him?????? Maybe I just got used to being alone, and I was serious about wantting to leave him ....

But I WANT to love him. And I can't say I don't love him. I am just insanely confused. I don't know what happened. I'm just like... I got used to being alone. I was so upset, because I am very afraid of being alone. Was that the only reason I was with him???

I really need to sleep on this. I haven't slept well this whole week... it's those last few weeks before finals.. I need sleep. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning. I'll let u know tom.

Feedback would be appreciated . thx =)

TakingCharge999

Welcome to SR!!

Check out the Stickies at the top part of the forum. "Classical reading" has tons of useful articles...

Around here we got 3 Cs

We can't control anyone else
We can't cure anyone else
We didn't cause anyone else's issues

I got work and get stressed about what others do, too. But its in our best interest to focus. Do you believe in God or higher power or a similar energy more powerful than you? A trick for me to rest is to put the person or situation or feeling in the hands of God....


Go on and keep living your own great life. It seems you got things going on in your life and you don't need the drama or distractions at the moment.


...


Can I be super honest?

Run away and don't go back to even be a "friend". There is just pain. When there is love there is no pain and all is balanced.

I don't like probation.
I don't like a mandatory program.
I don't like that you were fed up previously.

I like it that you enjoy being alone.
I like it that you have friends and activities.
I like it that you are responsible in your studies.


There will be wiser people coming soon.
All the best in your exams.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

I hope you were able to get a good nights rest. I don't make good decisions when I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) are trigger points that I need to be aware of throughout my life.

Hi, I'm known as Pelican, and I am a grateful recovering Alcoholic.
I am also the ex-partner of an Alcoholic.

You will find lots of support and information here for yourself. You will find help for your substance abuse issues in the Newbie and Substance Abuse areas of the forum. Here at Friends & Family, we will support you with your bf situation.

I want to point out something about the things your bf is saying and doing at this point of his recovery: His recovery is Court Ordered for 28 days. Court Ordered means it was not his personal choice. He did not choose to get sober and begin recovery to live life sober. It was forced upon him. The program may work and he may become a recovering alcoholic when he leaves the program, but the odds are against him. Do you want this kind of stress in your life when he walks out of the 28 day program?

What do you want from your one precious life?
Breaking up with you bf will be painful. All losses are painful. We will experience losses the rest of our life, they are inevitable. How we handle them makes all the difference in our serenity.

I hope you will choose YOU. Your life, Your recovery, Your journey, Your goals. You are worth the effort!

nodaybut2day

For me, this was a big red flag. The desire to love someone, or perhaps even the obligation to do so, was a sign--for me anyways, that the relationship just wasn't meant to be. I often created an image for myself of what the relationship looked like on the outside and then tried to fill it up on the inside when in fact there was nothing really there.

This paragraph is FULL of insight kfv...I think you're already on the right track in realizing that perhaps you were only with your bf because of needing to be with someone, but now that you've had your taste of freedom and independence, you're not so keen on going back.

Please don't feel guilty for that realization. It's priceless!

Keep posting...we're here for ya!

kfv1010

yeah... im just gonna see how things play out... bc i dont know what i want right now. and i guess i wont for a while