MissFixit

With respect to talking with his friends about it. In my experience, they align with him. Even if the see something is off. Unless they are like us and have lived with it firsthand, they don't understand the depth of it.

If you are looking for understanding, IMHO stick with folks that have been in your shoes. As for the BS he tells others, it doesn't matter at the end of the day. He is likely covering his butt to continue drinking, not get harassed and save face.

Hugs

Buffalo66

Alice and still waters...You guys have apparently met him?

I think it could be 100% that simple:

"Look at me with my dramatic scene, Look at how I long to see my son, but this woman comes between us, so he can at least hold onto this flower..."

And if that is what is going on in his head ---YUCK!!!

coffeedrinker

wonder if he is using something in addiction to alcohol.

bizarre if you ask me.

my addict posted a "note" on facebook. i don't know if he was using at the time, or just had been, but it was strange and sad, cryptic, and calling out for help. wanting to get out, but locked in the prison of addiction.

that he would be so wrapped up in his own strangeness and other world, oblivious to you son, means (to me) that it doesn't matter what was going on. he is ill and i hope your son doesn't have to face this again.

it makes me sad.

Jadmack25

They look at their actions thru some magical, rosy, alco haze. Where they are star of the show, handsome, debonair, sexy and oh so smart and witty, we see a stumbling, unkempt, crude, mumbling dumbo.

The saddest thing is....no matter what, they will always believe they were as they saw themselves, not believe the truth as it actually was.

My late ex, the week before I walked out, put on a performance that I still shudder at, 20 years later.

I literally dragged him out of the pub and threw him into the car and took him home.
He staggered thru the lounge, tripped over his own feet and crashed onto the floor, and thus slept for next few hours.

When he woke, he was angry at me for pulling him away from friends, and making a fool of him in front of everyone. "I was jealous because that nice young lady fancied him, and asked for his phone number." Yeah right, ok.

She asked for phone number.....to tell him cost of dry cleaning her skirt, after he had sent nibbly dish and tomato sauce flying into her lap.

I dragged him home before he totally wrecked the bar, as he had knocked over 2 bar stools, wiped out a tray with 4 glasses and jug of beer on it, rocked the table many times and spilt drinks over it, did his "party trick" sending people diving out of the way and just missed going to the wrong toilet. (I don't even want to know what he did when he finally got into the men's.....shudder!!!!)

He refused to believe anything I said, and almost had our girls convinced that it was all rubbish. Unfortunately for him, the pub owner was so "impressed" by the CCTV video of it all, that he made sure it was kept and my daughter saw it, in full colour.

For my ex it would not have mattered whether it was technicolour wide screen....for him it did not happen. Duh!!!

Your chaps actions were weird, and I would be out of any contact while he is doing whatever to be this way....what his mid processes are....God only knows.

God bless

barb dwyer

Although the no contact thing needs to be more clearly defined -

the thing that came at me first
is what I wouldlike to address if that's okay for right now.

And that part is:


you're driving close to your kid's school
and still using stbxh is WALKING down the street.

*red flag the size of TEXAS*

ok I read on and discovered
So you went to the bar
(near there? I didn't quite get that part)
and they said he'd been there a few times
drinking but walking outside then coming right back in.

ok - first - this is back to breaking the 'no contact' thing just like the fb, but still....

The way it was written
it couldn't be more obvious he was watching for your car?
Are you sure about that?
or was he watching for one of these other women?

This is why no contact ... needs to be a clean break.

because it creates this 'grey area'
that we start imagining and trying to 'fill in'
the irrational behavior of an alcoholic in their addiction
from the perspective
of someone who has no understanding whatever
of an alcoholic in their addiction....

... see what I mean?

so that definitely needs to be more clearly defined.



okay -
so I read further....
and it comes to me that

no matter if the no contact line has been crossed by either of you-

you're being told something by your gut.
it bothered you enough to come post about it here.

I think you need to pay attention to that.
Our gut knows what's REALLY going on FAR better than we do.

I'm glad to read your son is already in therapy.
Good.
Ok then that's handled for the moment.
You can maybe tell the therapist about what happened
and let them see about approaching the topic as well.

MEANWHILE -

I think it's time for you to make certain that
your son never ever leaves the school with anyone but you.
If you have to file an injunction for that - then get moving on it.

Your gut is talking to you.

That much is clear.

Rather than try to rationalize the behavior
of an irrational person

I feel I need to advise you to take action.

And I think that's what your gut is saying as well.