Where I am at today....
Just for today....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Venus
Posts: 118
Where I am at today....
I found myself typing this out today...I was feeling really crappy and unsure. Since some of us are going through divorce, or pain in a dead end relationship I thought I would share where I am today......
Kind of personal, but I am gonna put it out there, maybe someone else feels the same?
I am going through many changes right now. I am kind of like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. I need to remember to trust myself, and not have guilty feelings about moving on with my life. I should remember that everyone is entitled to be happy. I can make myself happy without forcing my own will. I do not have to start looking for a “replacement” I am only thinking this way because I want someone to pay attention to me. I want to know if after all of this time I am still “desired” by someone. I am looking for someone who will tell me I am a good person, worthy of love and all of the good things that life has to offer. These are things I need to work on reminding myself. Up until this point I have been in a relationships where I have not been able to grow, I have not been able to feel the love and security and partnership I have never felt, but have always wanted to feel. I don’t have to go out looking for that. It will be sent to me when I am ready. I do not have to provide explanations to others, or beat myself up when I make bad decisions, because I am learning. From these experiences I am going to learn and grow. I am going to focus on building a good life for myself and my kids. With my own rules. Loving myself first and meeting my own needs. Once I have mastered that I will be ready to give someone else healthy love. To me healthy love means love free of my control, my rules, my way or the highway attitude. I will not want to change them, because I will be happy with myself. I know I have a CHOICE, and if I encounter someone that does not possess the qualities I am looking for it is okay to terminate the relationship. I am not a failure because I couldn’t help someone be the person I thought they could be with my help. I will be in a place where I can accept that people are people, and it is not up to me to save their world. I will be okay with walking away. It is going to be very hard at first to keep the focus on me, and try not to “seek out” men who are not emotionally available. This has been the pattern I have known all of my life. I promise to proceed with caution. When the time is right, someday I will know it. It is not right for me today. I have too much healing to do first. In the meantime I will rediscover my friends. I will take a vacation, I will try a new restaurant, I will do things that make me happy. Not having to worry about someone else, keeping the focus about me. It will feel good to not have any attachments or expectations from someone else. I will go at my own pace. I will open my arms and enjoy what life has to offer me. I will be free of worry, resentments, guilt and fear. I will learn to trust and rely on myself. I will be a great role model for my kids. I will be happier, healthier and have a fuller heart. These are my promises to myself. Because I am worth it.
Kind of personal, but I am gonna put it out there, maybe someone else feels the same?
I am going through many changes right now. I am kind of like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. I need to remember to trust myself, and not have guilty feelings about moving on with my life. I should remember that everyone is entitled to be happy. I can make myself happy without forcing my own will. I do not have to start looking for a “replacement” I am only thinking this way because I want someone to pay attention to me. I want to know if after all of this time I am still “desired” by someone. I am looking for someone who will tell me I am a good person, worthy of love and all of the good things that life has to offer. These are things I need to work on reminding myself. Up until this point I have been in a relationships where I have not been able to grow, I have not been able to feel the love and security and partnership I have never felt, but have always wanted to feel. I don’t have to go out looking for that. It will be sent to me when I am ready. I do not have to provide explanations to others, or beat myself up when I make bad decisions, because I am learning. From these experiences I am going to learn and grow. I am going to focus on building a good life for myself and my kids. With my own rules. Loving myself first and meeting my own needs. Once I have mastered that I will be ready to give someone else healthy love. To me healthy love means love free of my control, my rules, my way or the highway attitude. I will not want to change them, because I will be happy with myself. I know I have a CHOICE, and if I encounter someone that does not possess the qualities I am looking for it is okay to terminate the relationship. I am not a failure because I couldn’t help someone be the person I thought they could be with my help. I will be in a place where I can accept that people are people, and it is not up to me to save their world. I will be okay with walking away. It is going to be very hard at first to keep the focus on me, and try not to “seek out” men who are not emotionally available. This has been the pattern I have known all of my life. I promise to proceed with caution. When the time is right, someday I will know it. It is not right for me today. I have too much healing to do first. In the meantime I will rediscover my friends. I will take a vacation, I will try a new restaurant, I will do things that make me happy. Not having to worry about someone else, keeping the focus about me. It will feel good to not have any attachments or expectations from someone else. I will go at my own pace. I will open my arms and enjoy what life has to offer me. I will be free of worry, resentments, guilt and fear. I will learn to trust and rely on myself. I will be a great role model for my kids. I will be happier, healthier and have a fuller heart. These are my promises to myself. Because I am worth it.
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