I got the call today.....
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I got the call today.....
I was sitting at my computer last night, and a mutual friend of my XABF and I sent me an IM. She saw my ex at the bar on Sat night, and wanted to tell me she saw him.
At first, I felt that wave..WOOOSHHHHH
Then, oddly....I felt NOTHING.
She asked me if I wanted to know that she saw him. He was talking to her husband. Told her husband that "L and I just weren't right for each other."
YA THINK?
I wanted him to be sober, he wanted to keep drinking, boozing, partying and hanging out at the bars. Looks like he's doing just that. He's doing the same old stuff, and he continues his downward spiral. She says, he didn't look drunk. I'm sure he had at least 6 of the Miller Lite Beer Bombers (That's a 24oz'er for those that don't know) at the bar. And I'm sure he had at least a 6 pack before heading to the bar. What a waste....
I IM'd her back, told her that I hope B is well. I hope he is happy with his decision, he has the right to live his life the way he chooses. He chose the booze, and the bars over our future. I wrote that sentence and it hit me.
I made the right decision. I left him, and nothing changed for him. He didn't come after me, he didn't change anything about his life. He wanted to drink more than he wanted us. He wants the barflies, the booze, the false friends, and singing karaoke more than he wanted us.
If I had stayed, NOTHING WOULD BE DIFFERENT!! I'd be at his condo, alone, waiting on his drunk behind to come home. I'd still be counting beer bottles in the trash, living in resentment, anger and frustration. I'd be stuck. I'd be mad. And I'd have no one to blame but me.
He didn't change.
I did. I realized more than ever, that I have moved on. I still pray for him, but I realized that my life is really different now.He was right about one thing, we weren't right for each other.
Today, even though it's raining, the sun is shining for me today!
At first, I felt that wave..WOOOSHHHHH
Then, oddly....I felt NOTHING.
She asked me if I wanted to know that she saw him. He was talking to her husband. Told her husband that "L and I just weren't right for each other."
YA THINK?
I wanted him to be sober, he wanted to keep drinking, boozing, partying and hanging out at the bars. Looks like he's doing just that. He's doing the same old stuff, and he continues his downward spiral. She says, he didn't look drunk. I'm sure he had at least 6 of the Miller Lite Beer Bombers (That's a 24oz'er for those that don't know) at the bar. And I'm sure he had at least a 6 pack before heading to the bar. What a waste....
I IM'd her back, told her that I hope B is well. I hope he is happy with his decision, he has the right to live his life the way he chooses. He chose the booze, and the bars over our future. I wrote that sentence and it hit me.
I made the right decision. I left him, and nothing changed for him. He didn't come after me, he didn't change anything about his life. He wanted to drink more than he wanted us. He wants the barflies, the booze, the false friends, and singing karaoke more than he wanted us.
If I had stayed, NOTHING WOULD BE DIFFERENT!! I'd be at his condo, alone, waiting on his drunk behind to come home. I'd still be counting beer bottles in the trash, living in resentment, anger and frustration. I'd be stuck. I'd be mad. And I'd have no one to blame but me.
He didn't change.
I did. I realized more than ever, that I have moved on. I still pray for him, but I realized that my life is really different now.He was right about one thing, we weren't right for each other.
Today, even though it's raining, the sun is shining for me today!
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Originally Posted by nodaybut2day 
It's like the gift of knowledge from HP. Ain't it grand? 
I no longer feel like I need to run to his rescue. That in itself is a gift from God! My heart has changed. I wish my X nothing but the best. I would love to get a call someday that he changed, that he made a better life for himself.
Unfortunately, I fear I will get the other call, that he is dead, sick or dying of his disease. All I can do is pray for his salvation. It's the only gift I can give him now, the rest is up to him!
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Yeah, Zing. I find it easiest to get on with my won life when I pretend that he doesn't exist anymore. hearing about him is not helpful to me.
Saved, I know exactly what you mean about his continuing to be just exactly who he is. With or without you there. You have been saved, for sure.
Saved, I know exactly what you mean about his continuing to be just exactly who he is. With or without you there. You have been saved, for sure.
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Originally Posted by stella27
Yeah, Zing. I find it easiest to get on with my won life when I pretend that he doesn't exist anymore. hearing about him is not helpful to me.
Saved, I know exactly what you mean about his continuing to be just exactly who he is. With or without you there. You have been saved, for sure.
Saved, I know exactly what you mean about his continuing to be just exactly who he is. With or without you there. You have been saved, for sure.
I have gotten on with my life, and this was just affirmation from God, that I really did make the right decision.
I have decided, moving forward, if anyone sees him, and they feel the need to tell me about it, I will politely tell them that I am not interested in talking about him! I have more important things to do!
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Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000
I hope, your friendship rests more on one common denominator being an ex b/f.
Do you two socialize together?
Do you two socialize together?
I don't see the friends we used to hang out with at the bar. He got those in the 'divorce'. The person that sent me the IM is not what I would call a close friend. We talk maybe once a month, and I am ok with seeing or not seeing her. It doesn't bother me either way.
I guess it's another clue that I have moved on from those folks. Again, don't wish anyone ill will. He can have them, I'm good with that. I am nurturing new friendships, and rekindling old friendships I let fall by the wayside due to my X's unwillingness to socialize.
So, I guess my answer is, no we do not socialize.
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Sometimes hearing about ex's business can tie us in knots, upset us and cause us grief, or it can free us of doubt, validate our beliefs and actions, give us a buzz and be a benefit.
Hearing my XAH was losing it was hard in some ways, as I didn't wish him the hellish time he had, but it sure convinced me that I did the right thing for me.
In your case it was welcome news, in that it validated you and your leaving. I guess your HP thought you may need a little push along somewhere, and this was it.
God bless
Hearing my XAH was losing it was hard in some ways, as I didn't wish him the hellish time he had, but it sure convinced me that I did the right thing for me.
In your case it was welcome news, in that it validated you and your leaving. I guess your HP thought you may need a little push along somewhere, and this was it.
God bless
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Jadmack,
I believe that's true. I have been moving forward quite well in my recovery. I haven't had any desire to do the email check, or wonder about what he's doing. He doesn't enter my every thought, and every day is easier.
God saw fit to let me know, in His way, that what I did was ok. The decision I made was what was right for me, and perhaps now He is ready for me to move on even farther.
I know there is a great life ahead of me. God cleared the boulders out of my path. This was just a little hug from Him, letting me know that my pain was not in vain. That I made the right choice by walking with Him, and He is ready to open the floodgates to a much better, more prosperous, happier, joyful life!
:day6
The gifts I am about to receive are going to be abundant!
I believe that's true. I have been moving forward quite well in my recovery. I haven't had any desire to do the email check, or wonder about what he's doing. He doesn't enter my every thought, and every day is easier.
God saw fit to let me know, in His way, that what I did was ok. The decision I made was what was right for me, and perhaps now He is ready for me to move on even farther.
I know there is a great life ahead of me. God cleared the boulders out of my path. This was just a little hug from Him, letting me know that my pain was not in vain. That I made the right choice by walking with Him, and He is ready to open the floodgates to a much better, more prosperous, happier, joyful life!
:day6
The gifts I am about to receive are going to be abundant!
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Posts: 853
Originally Posted by IamSaved
I was sitting at my computer last night, and a mutual friend of my XABF and I sent me an IM. She saw my ex at the bar on Sat night, and wanted to tell me she saw him.
At first, I felt that wave..WOOOSHHHHH
Then, oddly....I felt NOTHING.
She asked me if I wanted to know that she saw him. He was talking to her husband. Told her husband that "L and I just weren't right for each other."
YA THINK?
I wanted him to be sober, he wanted to keep drinking, boozing, partying and hanging out at the bars. Looks like he's doing just that. He's doing the same old stuff, and he continues his downward spiral. She says, he didn't look drunk. I'm sure he had at least 6 of the Miller Lite Beer Bombers (That's a 24oz'er for those that don't know) at the bar. And I'm sure he had at least a 6 pack before heading to the bar. What a waste....
I IM'd her back, told her that I hope B is well. I hope he is happy with his decision, he has the right to live his life the way he chooses. He chose the booze, and the bars over our future. I wrote that sentence and it hit me.
I made the right decision. I left him, and nothing changed for him. He didn't come after me, he didn't change anything about his life. He wanted to drink more than he wanted us. He wants the barflies, the booze, the false friends, and singing karaoke more than he wanted us.
If I had stayed, NOTHING WOULD BE DIFFERENT!! I'd be at his condo, alone, waiting on his drunk behind to come home. I'd still be counting beer bottles in the trash, living in resentment, anger and frustration. I'd be stuck. I'd be mad. And I'd have no one to blame but me.
He didn't change.
I did. I realized more than ever, that I have moved on. I still pray for him, but I realized that my life is really different now.He was right about one thing, we weren't right for each other.
Today, even though it's raining, the sun is shining for me today!
At first, I felt that wave..WOOOSHHHHH
Then, oddly....I felt NOTHING.
She asked me if I wanted to know that she saw him. He was talking to her husband. Told her husband that "L and I just weren't right for each other."
YA THINK?
I wanted him to be sober, he wanted to keep drinking, boozing, partying and hanging out at the bars. Looks like he's doing just that. He's doing the same old stuff, and he continues his downward spiral. She says, he didn't look drunk. I'm sure he had at least 6 of the Miller Lite Beer Bombers (That's a 24oz'er for those that don't know) at the bar. And I'm sure he had at least a 6 pack before heading to the bar. What a waste....
I IM'd her back, told her that I hope B is well. I hope he is happy with his decision, he has the right to live his life the way he chooses. He chose the booze, and the bars over our future. I wrote that sentence and it hit me.
I made the right decision. I left him, and nothing changed for him. He didn't come after me, he didn't change anything about his life. He wanted to drink more than he wanted us. He wants the barflies, the booze, the false friends, and singing karaoke more than he wanted us.
If I had stayed, NOTHING WOULD BE DIFFERENT!! I'd be at his condo, alone, waiting on his drunk behind to come home. I'd still be counting beer bottles in the trash, living in resentment, anger and frustration. I'd be stuck. I'd be mad. And I'd have no one to blame but me.
He didn't change.
I did. I realized more than ever, that I have moved on. I still pray for him, but I realized that my life is really different now.He was right about one thing, we weren't right for each other.
Today, even though it's raining, the sun is shining for me today!
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
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Originally Posted by Jadmack25
Sometimes hearing about ex's business can tie us in knots, upset us and cause us grief, or it can free us of doubt, validate our beliefs and actions, give us a buzz and be a benefit.
Hearing my XAH was losing it was hard in some ways, as I didn't wish him the hellish time he had, but it sure convinced me that I did the right thing for me.
In your case it was welcome news, in that it validated you and your leaving. I guess your HP thought you may need a little push along somewhere, and this was it.
God bless
Hearing my XAH was losing it was hard in some ways, as I didn't wish him the hellish time he had, but it sure convinced me that I did the right thing for me.
In your case it was welcome news, in that it validated you and your leaving. I guess your HP thought you may need a little push along somewhere, and this was it.
God bless
That's personal growth of going on with your life.
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Originally Posted by lulu1974
I am so happy for you and thrilled that you have come so far!!! You inspired me with this. And I hate it when they use the term we arent right for each other. It feels like such a cop out term. But again, so happy for you!!
We weren't right for each other means HE doesn't have to take any ownership of what went wrong, and no one will ask questions. He didn't bother to mention I packed up and left him, with no note, no warning! He failed to mention how he embarrassed me at a work function on New Years Eve. He failed to mention that MAYBE this was HIS FAULT BECAUSE HE DRINKS TOO MUCH!
Nope, much easier and yes, a cop out, to say we weren't right for each other!
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I guess for him to say "I prefer keeping my roaring alcohol addiction above anything else" would have been too much to ask
LoL I think XABF said was "she has issues". Yes my issue was his verbal and alcoholic abuse
Anyway I am tired of break up dramas. Off they go with their lies and denial. And whiskey in industrial amounts.
Wow ...you inspired me today. It also sank in yesterday, that life is better without XABF. I recalled their "party lifestyle"- it was very boring and empty to me.
The "common friends"
one sent out stupid/cruel/drunken/sexist "jokes"
the other offered to have a threesome with me and his gf. Right.
Yesterday I thought if it was not ME who was drunk thinking they were great people?
Anyway its excellent when you realize its just not a comment to make others feel betters... life is truly better without an addict... or with them if they have to be but as far away as possible and with the boundary line well marked.
Yesterday I saw XABF from afar and I was just leaving. I liked it because I didn't care about what he had to say. It rules when we take them down the pedestal and see reality. Reality is beautiful I do not know why I am so afraid of it. It is very rewarding when I see it, especially when I see the reality about me, NOW.
Congrats!
LoL I think XABF said was "she has issues". Yes my issue was his verbal and alcoholic abuse
Anyway I am tired of break up dramas. Off they go with their lies and denial. And whiskey in industrial amounts.
Wow ...you inspired me today. It also sank in yesterday, that life is better without XABF. I recalled their "party lifestyle"- it was very boring and empty to me.
The "common friends"
one sent out stupid/cruel/drunken/sexist "jokes"
the other offered to have a threesome with me and his gf. Right.
Yesterday I thought if it was not ME who was drunk thinking they were great people?
Anyway its excellent when you realize its just not a comment to make others feel betters... life is truly better without an addict... or with them if they have to be but as far away as possible and with the boundary line well marked.
Yesterday I saw XABF from afar and I was just leaving. I liked it because I didn't care about what he had to say. It rules when we take them down the pedestal and see reality. Reality is beautiful I do not know why I am so afraid of it. It is very rewarding when I see it, especially when I see the reality about me, NOW.
Congrats!
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Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
I guess for him to say "I prefer keeping my roaring alcohol addiction above anything else" would have been too much to ask
LoL I think XABF said was "she has issues". Yes my issue was his verbal and alcoholic abuse
Wow ...you inspired me today. It also sank in yesterday, that life is better without XABF. I recalled their "party lifestyle"- it was very boring and empty to me.
The "common friends"
one sent out stupid/cruel/drunken/sexist "jokes"
the other offered to have a threesome with me and his gf. Right.
Yesterday I thought if it was not ME who was drunk thinking they were great people?
Anyway its excellent when you realize its just not a comment to make others feel betters... life is truly better without an addict... or with them if they have to be but as far away as possible and with the boundary line well marked.
Congrats!
LoL I think XABF said was "she has issues". Yes my issue was his verbal and alcoholic abuse
Wow ...you inspired me today. It also sank in yesterday, that life is better without XABF. I recalled their "party lifestyle"- it was very boring and empty to me.
The "common friends"
one sent out stupid/cruel/drunken/sexist "jokes"
the other offered to have a threesome with me and his gf. Right.
Yesterday I thought if it was not ME who was drunk thinking they were great people?
Anyway its excellent when you realize its just not a comment to make others feel betters... life is truly better without an addict... or with them if they have to be but as far away as possible and with the boundary line well marked.
Congrats!
I am laughing about your first two comments..I guess admitting he has a raging alcohol problem wouldn't make HIM look blameless right? And you having issues? YA THINK? Issues with YOU, you big dummy! (meaning your A!)
I am so proud of you too! Every bump we pass is one more we can leave behind! I know that God has answered so many of my prayers! It felt like this for me, like a big hug from Him! Awesome!
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mine would at times admit he was an A but he never realized what other issues that creats..to him it was like..so what I drink too much - no big deal. Those were the days I thought I may smack him upside the head. Had visions of drowning him in the tub. Even though I miss the companionship it was still as if no one was home...
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