Expectations?
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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Originally Posted by lulu1974 
And I hate the fact that I cant get myself under control. My anxiety is so high I cant funtcion. This is despite the yoga, therapy, alanon. I have a dr appt tomorrow. I feel like i cant manage this on my own. I pray several times a day. I feel like my heart is so broken. My spirit feels empty. I feel worthless..I really cannot wait to move on. I have read codependent no more 3 times. I feel like I cant get control of my emotions..I admit this. I feel broken and I know this is coming within myself but cant really find myself to help myself?
It feels like nothing will sooth or make you feel whole again.
Time, time makes you feel whole again and in the meantime, waiting for "time" to come, you need to keep busy. REAL BUSY!
You need to "fake it til you make it"
Also, take a break from the reading, meetings and talking about it. I started to come out of my funk when I started to just focus on something else besides "recovery'
I know your pain, I was suicidal and was going to end it, but I didn't because I knew it would pass.
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Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by anvilhead
make sure to share that with your physician......have you had bouts of anxiety before in your life? panic attacks?
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
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Originally Posted by Summerpeach
You can work on yourself all you want and love yourself until you're sick of yourself, but at the end of the day, even when you're "healed" and even people who don't have codie issues, still want/need validation and acceptance.
One of my biggest challenges in recovery was learning that although I wanted validation from certain people, it was not necessary to have it in order for me to be happy and live a full life.
My mother is a prime example of untreated codependency, and she will never validate/accept me the way I would like to be validated/accepted by her.
That's a fact of life. Does it hurt sometimes? You bet.
However, I have learned to essentially 'parent' that scared little girl inside of me because she is there, always will be, I suppose. I acknowledge her, listen to her, let her feel her feelings. I tend to her, nurture her.
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990
One of my biggest challenges in recovery was learning that although I wanted validation from certain people, it was not necessary to have it in order for me to be happy and live a full life.
My mother is a prime example of untreated codependency, and she will never validate/accept me the way I would like to be validated/accepted by her.
That's a fact of life. Does it hurt sometimes? You bet.
However, I have learned to essentially 'parent' that scared little girl inside of me because she is there, always will be, I suppose. I acknowledge her, listen to her, let her feel her feelings. I tend to her, nurture her.
My mother is a prime example of untreated codependency, and she will never validate/accept me the way I would like to be validated/accepted by her.
That's a fact of life. Does it hurt sometimes? You bet.
However, I have learned to essentially 'parent' that scared little girl inside of me because she is there, always will be, I suppose. I acknowledge her, listen to her, let her feel her feelings. I tend to her, nurture her.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
ok. Getting it out did help...thanks all for listening to my pity party...I am still seeing thr doctor tomorrow as I still dont want to leave the house..I am literally scared to leave the house..I actually am scared to go out into the world because of one more thing happens to me I feel I will break. I also had a fight with my sister a couple weeks ago..we are usually very close so on top of my A..I miss my sister...I actually laughed and though..jeez..God is taking away all my support little by little. Wonder what the plan is. Me, all by myself?
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Hey lulu..hope you feel better an stronger soon...its a big deal to call it a day on your marriage...am just about to do the same here..an its such a heart wrenching decision...deep down i feel it has become unsalvagable...we dont communicate..dont cuddle..dont get intimate...it pains more as time goes on..we do however have the most adorable..happy go lucky little 3yr old daughter..,thats gonna break my heart to leave..i only hope an wish..if/when she re,hooks up..the person looks after my littlein..thats my main concern...and if anything should happen she comes to live with me...i was today lookin to apply for a job 200 miles north....it may not come off..but deep down i feel in real stalemate...and we are not making each other happy no more..i wake each day and grump and moan about somethin...fightin battles of being abstinate from alcohol..whilst she is happy to drink is increasingly hard to keep together...i have become comfortably..numb.,in a marriage that has somewhat...passed its sell by date...sorry again...feelin the need to offload...hey lulu best of luck to you...nothing is ever black an white an darn easy to decide upon..
bangin your head on a brick wall is no long term solution...
bangin your head on a brick wall is no long term solution...
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
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Originally Posted by lulu1974
I actually laughed and though..jeez..God is taking away all my support little by little. Wonder what the plan is. Me, all by myself?
You're not by yourself. God is right there with you!
I like Anvil's suggestion of going for some ice cream!
When I was pregnant with my youngest and my mom had disowned me yet once again, I had the most gawdawful anxiety attacks when I'd leave the house.
Her anger/refusal to speak to me had that little wounded girl inside of me out full force.
I got through that with intensive therapy, and a lot of support from my recovery friends.
You will get through this too! :ghug3
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Hi Lulu!
Sorry you are having a difficult time. I was just remembered the first week my husband moved out - I busied myself with projects around the house and then one night I decided to take my son out to dinner for helping me. I slightly panicked when outside and when the restaurant was crowded and I had to give my name - I choked saying "his" last name. I started to panic and was uncomfortable the rest of the dinner - my son understood and just kept things moving at my pace. When I got home I wondered how I would get out the next day - I didn't like that I still had the name and he was gone. It felt awful. When I had to return to work it was worse - b/c we work at the same place. Our offices are next to each other and we were once the pride of everyone there b/c we met there.
It has been a year and a half - we dated off and on - he got sober - we planned a reunification and then he backed out. We tried dating again and then I backed out. I have had difficulty sleeping, having panic attacks and very dark isolating moods, but I get up everyday and go to work. I get to help others at work so I get to forget about myself and life for a little while.
At home I isolate a lot allowing healing in the quietude. Tried a lot of things, but recognize that there is just a process to everything and emotions, thoughts etc that go with it. Do your best.
Sorry you are having a difficult time. I was just remembered the first week my husband moved out - I busied myself with projects around the house and then one night I decided to take my son out to dinner for helping me. I slightly panicked when outside and when the restaurant was crowded and I had to give my name - I choked saying "his" last name. I started to panic and was uncomfortable the rest of the dinner - my son understood and just kept things moving at my pace. When I got home I wondered how I would get out the next day - I didn't like that I still had the name and he was gone. It felt awful. When I had to return to work it was worse - b/c we work at the same place. Our offices are next to each other and we were once the pride of everyone there b/c we met there.
It has been a year and a half - we dated off and on - he got sober - we planned a reunification and then he backed out. We tried dating again and then I backed out. I have had difficulty sleeping, having panic attacks and very dark isolating moods, but I get up everyday and go to work. I get to help others at work so I get to forget about myself and life for a little while.
At home I isolate a lot allowing healing in the quietude. Tried a lot of things, but recognize that there is just a process to everything and emotions, thoughts etc that go with it. Do your best.
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
i need to post a public apology for getting sidetracked here on lulu's thread..........i know better.......
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
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And I hate the fact that I cant get myself under control. My anxiety is so high I cant funtcion... I feel like i cant manage this on my own.
I also agree with Anvil, please discuss this with the doctor because you are under so much stress, you need to stay alert that you may have developed depression or other stress-related illness.
This too shall pass.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
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Kassie2 said:
in response to LuLu sharing that she is staying in a lot.
But I want to know, is this bad? Because I do this too. But I LIKE the peace and quiet and the absence of all the noise and drama and nastiness that goes on outside my little realm.
I realize now that to participate in all that, in order to just DEAL with the rest of the world, I used (and abused) alcohol. On alcohol, I got to be as loud, obnoxious, distasteful, and selfish as everyone else. I don't WANT to drink again, especially just so that I can handle being "out there."
My neighbor tells me I "need to go out." I tell him I don't, that I like staying in, that I like my simple, uncomplicated life. Is there something wrong with this?
At home I isolate a lot allowing healing in the quietude
But I want to know, is this bad? Because I do this too. But I LIKE the peace and quiet and the absence of all the noise and drama and nastiness that goes on outside my little realm.
I realize now that to participate in all that, in order to just DEAL with the rest of the world, I used (and abused) alcohol. On alcohol, I got to be as loud, obnoxious, distasteful, and selfish as everyone else. I don't WANT to drink again, especially just so that I can handle being "out there."
My neighbor tells me I "need to go out." I tell him I don't, that I like staying in, that I like my simple, uncomplicated life. Is there something wrong with this?
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