Remembering the red flags
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Remembering the red flags
This morning, I remembered some lies I caught him in when we first started dating. I got upset with myself as to why I let them slide..and they were so stupid to begin with. I am not sure what was first ..his issues or the alcoholism...back then he wasnt drinking as much but still lieing..
I am not even sure how I thought about this.
I am not even sure how I thought about this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 20
Did you guys here stories about past "fun" times, that all were in AH's mind previous to you, but in all actuality were while you were together.... My AH started that. Like example, Oh this one time at a bar I met this hot chick and we did this and that blah blah, but it was pre you honey... Funny the time line didnt match...Maybe not a lie per-say not then, but the original cover up was.... Sighs....
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
Unfortunately for me, I took too long to recognize repeating patterns of strange behaviors ... the red flags of alcohol abuse. I had always felt I was fairly observant and knowledgable about alcoholism ...but I missed some serious red flags along the way.
After many years of marriage, I had never once known my AH to lie to me - not even a little white lie ... so I reluctantly believed him far too many times when he looked me in the eye and swore he had only “2” beers and always acted baffled as to why I felt he was slurring his words or his eyes looked glazed. These mind games went on for too long and just delayed confronting the reality ... and prevented me from coming to terms with the truth - that he was lying to me about his drinking. Once I did actually discover the hard cold reality of the hidden beer cans stashed underneath a drawer in a cabinet in the garage (something he had been secretly doing for years)...I was finally able to accept what had transformed our lives and changed the person I had married into the moody, angry, unpredictable and irrational person he had become.
Like they say, hindsight is 20/20 .... there had been red flags along the way that I had chosen to ignore ... dragging out the years of confusion and misery. I think deep down I kept hoping he really wasn’t an alcoholic, that he was telling me the truth about his drinking ... because I knew it would forever change our lives and our future.
The truth was something I had not been ready to face until it became so obvious it could no longer be ignored. Once I confronted the reality - I no longer doubted my judgement and accepted that our hope for a “fairy tale” life was an illusion ... finally had the courage to make different choices and set boundaries and finally accepted my AH for the person he had become. There were no more unfulfilled illusions of what our lives were...and I moved forward making decisions with my eyes wide open to the hard realities and challenges that our family’s future faced. I just wished I had confronted those red flags sooner.
After many years of marriage, I had never once known my AH to lie to me - not even a little white lie ... so I reluctantly believed him far too many times when he looked me in the eye and swore he had only “2” beers and always acted baffled as to why I felt he was slurring his words or his eyes looked glazed. These mind games went on for too long and just delayed confronting the reality ... and prevented me from coming to terms with the truth - that he was lying to me about his drinking. Once I did actually discover the hard cold reality of the hidden beer cans stashed underneath a drawer in a cabinet in the garage (something he had been secretly doing for years)...I was finally able to accept what had transformed our lives and changed the person I had married into the moody, angry, unpredictable and irrational person he had become.
Like they say, hindsight is 20/20 .... there had been red flags along the way that I had chosen to ignore ... dragging out the years of confusion and misery. I think deep down I kept hoping he really wasn’t an alcoholic, that he was telling me the truth about his drinking ... because I knew it would forever change our lives and our future.
The truth was something I had not been ready to face until it became so obvious it could no longer be ignored. Once I confronted the reality - I no longer doubted my judgement and accepted that our hope for a “fairy tale” life was an illusion ... finally had the courage to make different choices and set boundaries and finally accepted my AH for the person he had become. There were no more unfulfilled illusions of what our lives were...and I moved forward making decisions with my eyes wide open to the hard realities and challenges that our family’s future faced. I just wished I had confronted those red flags sooner.
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