Need advice on visitation
 

Hey everyone, I haven't been on here for a while, and I must say, it's been a relief not to have to come here!

Well, I left stbxah about 2 months ago now and he hasn't seen the kids in over a month. I'm back in the home with the kids, he's elsewhere with a friend, although he is being sketchy as to his exact location.

He finally wants to see the kids tomorrow. I don't want to agree to anything unsupervised. (He's been served with divorce papers but we haven't come to any formal visitation agreements yet). He's suggested that I drop the kids off at his friend's house, where is friend's wife will be there with her kids to be witness to the fact that he is not drinking. She and I have been in contact about this and I do trust her.

He says he's been sober since the beginning of March.

I think I am ok with this, as long as I can meet with him for a few moments myself when dropping them off. I really want the kids to see him, they miss him so much. I emailed my lawyer about it and still waiting, but seeing at it's the holiday I doubt I will get an answer.

I was thinking of getting a signed statement from his friend's wife.

What do you think?

i don't quite get the jist of this.

what would the signed statement be about? why is she signing something?

Yes, sadbuthopeful,
I was wondering the same as coffeedrinker.
If you trust this woman because you have had contact with her, it would look like you don't trust her now. Well, that is how I would take it, if you were to ask me to sign something.
I do understand your concerns though, if the friend's wife knows of the problem and agrees to make sure the kids are safe, well, that could be a good thing.
I would thank her profusely for making this easier on you and your mind.
My experience with my ex, I could not let the kids spend the night with him unless I knew the girlfriend. We spoke, she cares for the children and has one of her own. So, one night when there was a problem, she called me immediately and I went to pick them up.
I am still grateful to her for being honest with me, and calling me that night.
Beth

I'm not following this either...

but the atty not calling back bothers me.
Not because anything other than it gripes me that
'professionals' haven't the respect to return calls
before during or after holidays.

And they all take more than their share of holidays.

So I'm wondering, too why this woman has to sign anything?

I mean, if it's that iffy -
I'd keep my kids and wait for another weekend
when all this is ironed out.

There's also no reason he can't meet y'all
at a park or something
and hang out with them
with you there.
Without new gf.

Thanks -

I guess I'm just trying to cover the legal side - yeah I do trust her. I think I was being overly cautious with the signed statement thing. I'm glad I didn't say anything about it!

Yeah I am not happy about not hearing from my lawyer and he is going to hear from me about this on Monday!

Sad but Hopeful,

I am going through a nasty divoce. My stbexaw is fighting for custody. I would have your husband visit the children in your home with you supervising. That may help minimize problems in the future.

I did not let my stbeah see my baby until it was court ordered. I have no idea what he has been up to and with whom, i.e.- you really don't know if he has or hasn't been drinking. I am in a bloodbath of a divorce (& that's putting it lightly) I found a person to supervise who doesn't know either one of us and at a Chuck E Cheese, that way if there is an incident, no one you know has to take sides, you protect yourself when you keep everything neutral, I had to pay her, but it is worth it. The lawyers are helpful, but a lot of professionals do not understand alchoholism/substance abuse, they know their profession. My laywer is making us both get psychological testing/profiles performed and for now I have supervised visits. Hope this helps.

Thanks. Thank God my husband is not going for custody! He has sense enough to know that he cannot take care of them.

The visit went very well and we're going to do it again next weekend. This woman is a really good person, I'm really thankful and I'm going to do something special for her.

I think this is a great idea. Appreciation for her time and the trust you have in her. Excellent.